SinkingFeeling9

I've been sitting here staring at this page all day. Debating if I wanted to post or not. I was doing really well for a while, but that one trip to the liquor store landed me in a crazy intense binge, which I don't even remember most of it. Let alone tell u what day it is today. I haven't been going to work, cuz I can't pull myself out of bed in the morning, from all the anxiety and typical withdrawal symptoms. I didn't drink today, I almost had a beer to cut down the shakes, but I chose not to.

It's just all a very depressing and scary experience when you go through this. I can't sleep, I barely eat, and can feel all the toxins leaving my body. Which it's going to get better. I think messing up a few times in the past, I am kind of expecting to get fired from work tomorrow. I'm just scared that's going to send me in a downward spiral where I'm embarrassed, and will want to make it all go away with a drink. There's always AA, i can get myself to going again. I'm always just intimidated by it, I am a very quiet individual with social anxiety.


Thanks for letting me ramble on a little. I don't know what else to do

August252015

Glad you were brave enough to post. It is no fun at the start but quitting and getting into recovery is absolutely worth it.

Hope to see you on here.

Ghostlight1

I'm sorry for your situation. I've been there. Not knowing what to do, where to go and how to stop. I lived like that for a lot of years. Thirty. Maybe more.
And, yes, there's always AA. You've been before did you find it helpful?
I suffer from social anxiety, too, so I went to meetings, especially speaker meetings, where I didn't feel pressured to speak.
It's a pretty powerful thing, sitting in a room full of people with the same affliction and goal.

I hope you can summon up the courage to go back. And come here, too.
You're not alone. I was a bad drunk for a long time and it took me a long time, and many failed attempts, to stop.
You can do it. Make it your priority and put into recovery the same time you put into drinking and recovering from that.

Keep the faith you're not alone.

Hevyn

Hi SinkingFeeling. I'm sorry for the painful situation you are in.

Like Ghostlight, I've gone through a similar time. I drank 30 yrs. too. I couldn't imagine my life without it, but it was killing me. Nothing was fun anymore - I was never high & happy, just numb & foggy. I drank so I wouldn't shake in the end.

I hope you'll keep posting. We all understand how you feel & what you're going through.

SinkingFeeling9

Thanks for the warm replies. I really needed them this morning. I couldn’t sleep once again. So I feel completely out of it. I somehow got up. Got to work. Even picked up cigarettes with minimal anxiety. I think I’m just so numb that whatever comes this way. I won’t even care. I just want the sober life back. I think getting myself out of the house today is a step in the right direction. No more sitting in my room, terrified to leave because I’m so embarrassed.

Readytodothis

Hi SinkingFeeling:

I'm only 5 days out, but I can tell you, that I was feeling the exact same way you were this past Sunday. Last week, I called out of work (yet again) in the midst of a binge. It IS so embarrassing and anxiety-provoking to have to inevitably return to work. But...as you know, that dissipates and things return to "normal." Usually, after a couple of weeks, a month, I think, "hey, I'm not that bad." Another binge, another few days off of work....all over again. I'm determined this time. I am sick of doing this to myself, my family, my friends and my colleagues (some of whom are my friends). With sobriety, the possibilities are endless Take care!

SinkingFeeling9

Thanks so much for that ready. It’s always comforting to know you are not the only one going through this. So that made me feel better. One day at a time. We got this. I like you, am sick of calling out work, disappointing friends and family. I’m shocked they didn’t fire me today. I would have.