21 days is better than no days I guess
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 33
21 days is better than no days I guess
So I was doing well and made it to 21 days without a drink. I got through the withdrawal and had levelled out; I was feeling good.
Then I had some news that a friend of mine had been shot dead. I met up with a mutual friend for a bit of mutual support and I drank. We had 2 beers then I went home. I felt bad I'd broken my 21 days for the sake of a beer but meh, it was only a couple. I didn't get drunk.
Then I woke up at 11Am the following day still pissed and confused. I stumbled around my flat hunting for my phone to make an excuse as to why I wasn't at work or hadn't let anyone know in the first 2 hours I was meant to be there and discovered an empty bottle of whiskey in the kitchen. I genuinely have no recollection of buying or drinking the whiskey but I didn't end up in that state from just 2 beers.
This sort of total loss of control is why I decided to stop. I'm still at a bit of a loss as to why I even had that first beer; I guess it's just what I'm so used to doing in those situations not that I've known anyone else to get gunned down (being from the UK that's pretty rare). Still; it's been a lesson to learn from. I'm now on day 2 again and going past day 21 this time. 21 days sober is better than I've done in years; I think I just need to find some ways to cope with bad life events that don't involve drinking and I can chalk this one up to an important lesson. I think I need to start coming clean with people in real life and admitting I can't drink because I have a problem.
So it sucks I messed up but it's not stopping me from stopping
just reaffirmed why I need to.
Then I had some news that a friend of mine had been shot dead. I met up with a mutual friend for a bit of mutual support and I drank. We had 2 beers then I went home. I felt bad I'd broken my 21 days for the sake of a beer but meh, it was only a couple. I didn't get drunk.
Then I woke up at 11Am the following day still pissed and confused. I stumbled around my flat hunting for my phone to make an excuse as to why I wasn't at work or hadn't let anyone know in the first 2 hours I was meant to be there and discovered an empty bottle of whiskey in the kitchen. I genuinely have no recollection of buying or drinking the whiskey but I didn't end up in that state from just 2 beers.
This sort of total loss of control is why I decided to stop. I'm still at a bit of a loss as to why I even had that first beer; I guess it's just what I'm so used to doing in those situations not that I've known anyone else to get gunned down (being from the UK that's pretty rare). Still; it's been a lesson to learn from. I'm now on day 2 again and going past day 21 this time. 21 days sober is better than I've done in years; I think I just need to find some ways to cope with bad life events that don't involve drinking and I can chalk this one up to an important lesson. I think I need to start coming clean with people in real life and admitting I can't drink because I have a problem.
So it sucks I messed up but it's not stopping me from stopping
just reaffirmed why I need to.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
I can relate to the blank spot. Often I didn’t remember taking the first drink it didn’t need any traumatic event to set me of though. It was more like autopilot.
21 days is good going. It was the best I could manage before I started into aa.
The thing is that life is full of traumatic events. It is a certainty that more stuff is coming your way, drunk or sober.
Some folks find it relatively easy to stay sober, as long as everything is going well. The best time I had was locked up in the nut farm, so easy to stay sober in there. But out there in life sooner or later something bad is going to happen. The question is how will I react?
I went to aa, worked the program, to ensure I would react sanely and normally, and not drink when something bad happens.
Did it work? Well, life certainly sent the bad stuff my way at times. I lost my father, my sponsor, my wife and my best friend to cancer the bottle never came up as an option. Instead I was able to handle things appropriately like a normal human being.
Maybe aa is something you ought to consider, unless there is something in your experience that tells you that next time you will be able to handle those blank spots.
21 days is good going. It was the best I could manage before I started into aa.
The thing is that life is full of traumatic events. It is a certainty that more stuff is coming your way, drunk or sober.
Some folks find it relatively easy to stay sober, as long as everything is going well. The best time I had was locked up in the nut farm, so easy to stay sober in there. But out there in life sooner or later something bad is going to happen. The question is how will I react?
I went to aa, worked the program, to ensure I would react sanely and normally, and not drink when something bad happens.
Did it work? Well, life certainly sent the bad stuff my way at times. I lost my father, my sponsor, my wife and my best friend to cancer the bottle never came up as an option. Instead I was able to handle things appropriately like a normal human being.
Maybe aa is something you ought to consider, unless there is something in your experience that tells you that next time you will be able to handle those blank spots.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,040
Hi Bluemilk.
I am so sorry about your friend. I am glad you are here and posting Day 2. Someone else suggested joining the monthly threa, join the October of 2017 class, or check in with your September group. Also, pop in and join us on the 24 hour thread.
❤️ Delilah
I am so sorry about your friend. I am glad you are here and posting Day 2. Someone else suggested joining the monthly threa, join the October of 2017 class, or check in with your September group. Also, pop in and join us on the 24 hour thread.
❤️ Delilah
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,634
Bluemilk -
Sorry that you lost your friend.
Your insight that you drank b/c you didn't know what else to do resonated with my recovery. I was finally successful when I focused on learning what I really needed/what to do instead of drinking, instead of just focusing on avoiding drinking.
I was a bit slower than you in realizing that. It took me years until I learned that lesson...
Do you have a grief support group/friends to talk to about your loss?
Good luck!
Sorry that you lost your friend.
Your insight that you drank b/c you didn't know what else to do resonated with my recovery. I was finally successful when I focused on learning what I really needed/what to do instead of drinking, instead of just focusing on avoiding drinking.
I was a bit slower than you in realizing that. It took me years until I learned that lesson...
Do you have a grief support group/friends to talk to about your loss?
Good luck!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 33
Originally Posted by Gottalife 
I can relate to the blank spot. Often I didn’t remember taking the first drink it didn’t need any traumatic event to set me of though. It was more like autopilot.
21 days is good going. It was the best I could manage before I started into aa.
The thing is that life is full of traumatic events. It is a certainty that more stuff is coming your way, drunk or sober.
Some folks find it relatively easy to stay sober, as long as everything is going well. The best time I had was locked up in the nut farm, so easy to stay sober in there. But out there in life sooner or later something bad is going to happen. The question is how will I react?
I went to aa, worked the program, to ensure I would react sanely and normally, and not drink when something bad happens.
Did it work? Well, life certainly sent the bad stuff my way at times. I lost my father, my sponsor, my wife and my best friend to cancer the bottle never came up as an option. Instead I was able to handle things appropriately like a normal human being.
Maybe aa is something you ought to consider, unless there is something in your experience that tells you that next time you will be able to handle those blank spots.
21 days is good going. It was the best I could manage before I started into aa.
The thing is that life is full of traumatic events. It is a certainty that more stuff is coming your way, drunk or sober.
Some folks find it relatively easy to stay sober, as long as everything is going well. The best time I had was locked up in the nut farm, so easy to stay sober in there. But out there in life sooner or later something bad is going to happen. The question is how will I react?
I went to aa, worked the program, to ensure I would react sanely and normally, and not drink when something bad happens.
Did it work? Well, life certainly sent the bad stuff my way at times. I lost my father, my sponsor, my wife and my best friend to cancer the bottle never came up as an option. Instead I was able to handle things appropriately like a normal human being.
Maybe aa is something you ought to consider, unless there is something in your experience that tells you that next time you will be able to handle those blank spots.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,427
I'm not from the UK but there are other Brits here who may be able to share their experience...
here are some UK links & numbers that may be useful:
The National Alcohol Helpline-UK - Tel: 0800 917 8282
Offers help to callers worried about their own drinking; support to the family and friends of people who are drinking; advice to callers on where to go for help.
UK National AA Helpline
08457 697 555
Drinkline
Drinkline runs a free, confidential helpline for people who are concerned about their drinking, or someone else's.
Helpline: 0300 123 1110
FRANK
http://www.smartrecovery.org.uk/
Alcoholics Anonymous (Great Britain) Ltd - Home
LifeRing UK - LifeRing
http://www.addaction.org.uk/
and some NHS links
http://www.nhs.uk/servicedirectories...ceType=Alcohol
D
here are some UK links & numbers that may be useful:
The National Alcohol Helpline-UK - Tel: 0800 917 8282
Offers help to callers worried about their own drinking; support to the family and friends of people who are drinking; advice to callers on where to go for help.
UK National AA Helpline
08457 697 555
Drinkline
Drinkline runs a free, confidential helpline for people who are concerned about their drinking, or someone else's.
Helpline: 0300 123 1110
FRANK
http://www.smartrecovery.org.uk/
Alcoholics Anonymous (Great Britain) Ltd - Home
LifeRing UK - LifeRing
http://www.addaction.org.uk/
and some NHS links
http://www.nhs.uk/servicedirectories...ceType=Alcohol
D
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Originally Posted by Bluemilk
Yeah, this is the thing I'm thinking on now. I've never really wanted to go to AA because I'm not religious at all and I get a bit put off by the Christian undertones. Not that I have anything against religion and/or Christianity specifically; it just feels a bit... not sure what the word is... not for me? I am, however, thinking finding a support group and developing some strategies aside from "just don't drink" would be useful. Life won't stop being life regardless of what I'm drinking.
Then I think my ego got in on the act in the first few weeks sober. It wanted to be in charge, and it risked being exposed if I did some of those steps. The real issue was a reluctance to get honest, not really about God at all.
I know of people who have good reason to despise organised religion due to actual events in their lives. That wasn't me. Prejudice and ignorance was my basis for challenging the God thing. And maybe a fear that I would lose my identity if God took over my life.
I settled on the group as a higher power for a month or two, and as I worked the steps, I came to my own understanding about God.
It is strange but on the very rare occasions, I can think of two, where someone went of on a bit of a religious rant, the words Jesus Christ can still antagonise me, though I can think of no good reason why. I don't know what that is about.
I use the word God today because I can't think of anything better to describe what I mean. Bill once referred to him as the father of light, which is kinda nice but a bit long winded.
Apart from those to instances, which averages out at one every 18 years, I have not found religion to be an issue in AA. I wouldn't know most people's personal beliefs. We don't talk about them. The one I have sponsored have had different believes to me, some religious, some at the other end of the scale. The program allows for that. As long as their belief makes sense to them, that is really all that matters.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
There's a lot of honesty and owning up to what happened and also, to your problem. That's how you do it, you look at what happened, reaffirm the problem, and move forward. You'll make it past 21 days this time.
Good on you for not sinking into a bender or making the choice to moderate. You owned up.
Good on you for not sinking into a bender or making the choice to moderate. You owned up.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Originally Posted by Bluemilk
I've never really wanted to go to AA because I'm not religious at all and I get a bit put off by the Christian undertones. Not that I have anything against religion and/or Christianity specifically; it just feels a bit... not sure what the word is... not for me?
Just sayin.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 33
Originally Posted by Gottalife
I had a few issues about the god bit too. I used it a s a reason to stay away until I was almost dead. It really was my alcholism rationalising why I shouldn't go.
Then I think my ego got in on the act in the first few weeks sober. It wanted to be in charge, and it risked being exposed if I did some of those steps. The real issue was a reluctance to get honest, not really about God at all.
I know of people who have good reason to despise organised religion due to actual events in their lives. That wasn't me. Prejudice and ignorance was my basis for challenging the God thing. And maybe a fear that I would lose my identity if God took over my life.
I settled on the group as a higher power for a month or two, and as I worked the steps, I came to my own understanding about God.
It is strange but on the very rare occasions, I can think of two, where someone went of on a bit of a religious rant, the words Jesus Christ can still antagonise me, though I can think of no good reason why. I don't know what that is about.
I use the word God today because I can't think of anything better to describe what I mean. Bill once referred to him as the father of light, which is kinda nice but a bit long winded.
Apart from those to instances, which averages out at one every 18 years, I have not found religion to be an issue in AA. I wouldn't know most people's personal beliefs. We don't talk about them. The one I have sponsored have had different believes to me, some religious, some at the other end of the scale. The program allows for that. As long as their belief makes sense to them, that is really all that matters.
Then I think my ego got in on the act in the first few weeks sober. It wanted to be in charge, and it risked being exposed if I did some of those steps. The real issue was a reluctance to get honest, not really about God at all.
I know of people who have good reason to despise organised religion due to actual events in their lives. That wasn't me. Prejudice and ignorance was my basis for challenging the God thing. And maybe a fear that I would lose my identity if God took over my life.
I settled on the group as a higher power for a month or two, and as I worked the steps, I came to my own understanding about God.
It is strange but on the very rare occasions, I can think of two, where someone went of on a bit of a religious rant, the words Jesus Christ can still antagonise me, though I can think of no good reason why. I don't know what that is about.
I use the word God today because I can't think of anything better to describe what I mean. Bill once referred to him as the father of light, which is kinda nice but a bit long winded.
Apart from those to instances, which averages out at one every 18 years, I have not found religion to be an issue in AA. I wouldn't know most people's personal beliefs. We don't talk about them. The one I have sponsored have had different believes to me, some religious, some at the other end of the scale. The program allows for that. As long as their belief makes sense to them, that is really all that matters.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 33
Originally Posted by SereneEdition
Bluemilk -
Sorry that you lost your friend.
Your insight that you drank b/c you didn't know what else to do resonated with my recovery. I was finally successful when I focused on learning what I really needed/what to do instead of drinking, instead of just focusing on avoiding drinking.
I was a bit slower than you in realizing that. It took me years until I learned that lesson...
Do you have a grief support group/friends to talk to about your loss?
Good luck!
Sorry that you lost your friend.
Your insight that you drank b/c you didn't know what else to do resonated with my recovery. I was finally successful when I focused on learning what I really needed/what to do instead of drinking, instead of just focusing on avoiding drinking.
I was a bit slower than you in realizing that. It took me years until I learned that lesson...
Do you have a grief support group/friends to talk to about your loss?
Good luck!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 33
Originally Posted by Obladi
I hear ya on that. But think about it; aren't most people in your area Christian? That's the case here (eastern USA), but more than a few people in my area refer to "my Higher Power, who I chose to call God." That's pretty inclusive in my book. I don't think I've ever heard anyone refer to JC as their HP, but if they did it wouldn't really bother me because that's their prerogative. My Higher Power is the Aum, the everything. But I often use "God" as It's name because that's universally understood. And I am most definitely not religious.
Just sayin.
Just sayin.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 33
Originally Posted by Stayingsassy
There's a lot of honesty and owning up to what happened and also, to your problem. That's how you do it, you look at what happened, reaffirm the problem, and move forward. You'll make it past 21 days this time.
Good on you for not sinking into a bender or making the choice to moderate. You owned up.
Good on you for not sinking into a bender or making the choice to moderate. You owned up.
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