CClarity50

Hello all,

So after 20 years of abusing alcohol I have decided to give sobriety a chance for the second time. Three years ago I got sober for six months on a doctors recommendation. Thought I could start again and cut down dramatically - wrong. For me, I go right back to my alcohol consumption high water mark and beyond.

I was consuming a 750 ml bottle of vodka a night. I'm ten days sober right now and finally feeling clearheaded. Headaches, nightmares and insomnia for the first four days - renewed energy right now and the start of a feeling of purpose.

Haven't had the courage to talk with my wife or family yet - scared to say "sober" out loud. Thought I would start here!

PeacefulWater12

Well done on ten days. I was a vodka drinker too. About the same amount as you mention.

Quitting was the best thing I ever did.

Welcome.

Mick283

Good job on the 10 days bud 👍🏻

bobdrop

Vodka was my drink too and at least that much every night. Still haven't told my wife or adult children that I'm trying to do this for the long haul. She thinks I'm just cutting back. Maybe we should both make the commitment and tell our wives how serious we are. Have a feeling that I will be pushed into that real soon anyway with events that are approaching. Good job on your work so far.

Frank14

Vodka was my drink of choice when everyone went to sleep and about the same amount as you. Great job on day 10!

Silverback4

Well done on day 10 and glad you are feeling better.
I liked Vodka to either speed me up at the start or keep me heading towards oblivion when the beer and wine was done.

Vodka was always hidden and drank in secret, transferring it into water bottles and concealing it was my speciality.

Don’t miss that.
Keep up the good work

PeacefulWater12

Lol. I did that too! The water bottle trick.

Anna

We do understand.

Congratulations on Day 10, and no need to talk about it with others until you're ready.

Ironhorse1

I always thought I was so sneaky with the vodka...”looks like water, nobody can smell it, etc”. Turns out you can definitely smell it. Now that I am sober I can smell it a mile away. It’s really embarrassing to think about now that I’m looking at it from the other side.

CClarity50

Ahhh - the old water bottle trick

DontRemember

I'm "good" on beer,but when I drink beer I eventually drink vodka/whiskey..I'm not 'good' there! I'll say if you're ready to stop try a meeting out. No need to 'out yourself' yet,although I'm sure they know already. We only think we're hiding it,when it's obvious to others that we're drinking.

Dee74

Welcome CClarity

only an alcoholic would say they were 'good' on beer DR

D

CClarity50

I can't believe how great mornings are now! 4pm-9pm is challenging - not hungover at 6am is phenonimal!

I'm always trying to find humor in things - probably because laughing and crying for me are close cousins. Story from this summer that got me started thinking.

I live in a small community on the outskirts of a larger metro area. I was standing in line at the local convenience store buying my favorite - Tito's Vodka. Get up to the cashier and she says loud enough for all to hear - "you buy a ton of Tito's, here's a t-shirt the distributor left for you". Fast forward two days later - same store - same cashier - does the same thing with a Tito's handkerchief. When the distributor is thanking you for buying their booze, you might have a problem!

August252015

Glad you are here!

I highlighted a few of your words that echo my experience- I got more than a dr's recommendation about three years before I actually quit, then a dr's ultimatum that I actually took seriously when I decided to quit in Feb 2016....it really is a good idea to heed a good dr's advice if not anyone else's- this is a deadly disease.

Also, I consumed as much or more vodka as that and know how quitting is - I was very sick by the time I quit....you have some momentum - keep going. I knew I didn't have another chance to quit in me, somehow, and can't imagine having to go back again (or, more aptly- I CAN imagine and never want to be at that place).

That feeling of purpose? It only GROWS, on the whole, as we begin to live in sobriety- then true recovery. We certainly struggle at times- life comes in! And we have to deal with it not avoid or distract or .... like we do when drinking. And it is pretty amazing, IMO and IME.

Perhaps read around here, join the Class of Oct 2017 group in the Newcomers Daily Support section (you just have to post to "join")- and know that this CAN be your last start.

shauninspain

That reminds me of a 'cunning plan' that I had years ago to be able to drink vodka in a public place. I bought a plastic carton of milk and drunk about half. In a public toilet I poured enough vodka in to top it up and gave it a shake. It tasted utterly repulsive. The devils own diarrhea! I don't know if the vodka curdled the milk, or what. Nevertheless I couldn't let it go to waste could I. YUCK!!

Eaglelizard

The t-shirt story is classic. Just the thing to make you feel like a hundred dollars for the rest of the day.

D122y

CC,

Welcome aboard.

I always say the same things, sorry to those that are sick of it....

But, it is new for CC...so anyway...

"Wanting to quit is half the battle already won."

I drank like a fish off and on for well over 40 years. I started drinking to get drunk at 5 or 6. Sad story.

When I finally "learned" enough...thanks to SR...I was in a mental position to really quit drinking forever.

I have had slips, but no hellish relapses. Never will.

The mental damage is very real. It lingers in me, but it is sooooooo much better today than 2 years ago.

Filling the time with non drinking activities until I got used to not drinking was the hardest thing.

I work out as hard as my body can stand. I literally work myself into a state of break down if I am not careful now.

I get adrenaline and endorphins from working out.

I learned here that much of the anguish I felt when I stopped drinking was from a lack of dopamine. It takes a long time for this to stabilize. Years.

I was in a living hell, off and on, for months. It is almost all better now. I pretty much had a form of PTSD from quitting drinking...imo.

I never told a Dr. about my quitting because I would have lost my job. Long story.

I made it out med free...except for coffee, half a multi vit and b supp, and a krill oil pill...daily (Costco).

Thanks.

CClarity50

Thanks for the nice words! "I knew I didn't have another chance to quit in me" - exactly how I feel right now.

I have become tired and worn out trying to rationalize my drinking. I liked to consider myself a functioning alcoholic, which somehow justified my drinking? After looking back on my 6 months sober previous and my 15 days now, I was functioning at 25-30% of my capacity.

As a husband, father and owner of a company, I'm looking forward to renewed energy. Whether talking to my kids or employees, my message has always been - "effort and attitude are the two things you have control over" - time for me to heed my on advice.

Don't know if this is funny or sad? I found a bottle of Vodka under my car back seat over the weekend and also one in my office desk drawer this morning - lots of energy was being expended stashing bottles

DontRemember

Oh I know... That's why I put it in quotes. LOL I'm not 'good' on anything with above 0.0%abv.