3 1/2 Weeks of Sobriety and Irritable as ........
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 782
3 1/2 Weeks of Sobriety and Irritable as ........
Hell. Dang.
So I have been sober for 3 1/2 weeks, and I had been feeling great. I am dieting and exercising. I've lost 6 lbs. (all fat).Way more productive in my business. Sleep is still less than ideal, but much, much improved. Anxiety is waaaaaaaaay down, and no depression.
But man, am I irritable, and get mad at the drop of hat. I was in the airport this afternoon and walked a long way to find the airline club close to my departing gate -- passing another one on the way. So I get to the club, and it is closed for renovations. I just about blew a gasket. I was livid. Then I was like "uh, why the heck are you so mad?!" And not just there. Driving I am honking at people for not signaling. And at times I'd rather bash myself in the head than listen to one word my stepdaughter utters. I can confirm both pre- and post- sobriety she is a monstrous brat.
And when my mother in law is around I can hardly look at her. She is with us every weekend. During the week she works as a live-in nanny for a Russian family. On the weekends though, she has no place to stay because she does not make enough to support herself, and no transportation. So guess where she stays? She speaks very little English, and contributes nothing to bills. She doesn't even buy her own food. She's a 60 year old mooch. She has a job and offers no help to the household other than cleaning the dishes she uses to cook and eat food she does not pay for. When she's at the house she does nothing but sleep in, go for walks, swim in our pool, watch TV (we get Russian channels), and eat -- a lot. In fact, before she leaves for her job she loads up on groceries from the fridge and pantry to feed herself during the week. And we're not talking cheap stuff either. My wife only buys from this Whole Foods knock off store. It's expensive as hell.
Now all this was annoying as all hell while I was drinking . Indeed, many relapses were spurred by me stopping at a bar need my house to load up on scotch to make the evening with my mother-in-law and evil stepdaughter bearable. Now, it is unbearable.
Long story short (I know, too late), I am walking around 40% of the time (at least) wanting to throttle someone.
Anyone else have this experience in early sobriety?
As a P.S. to the stuff about my mother in law. My wife, before we got married, did not tell me that her mother would be with us EVERY weekend ad infinitum. She told me after she moved in, and Babushka was visiting in Russia. Needless to say, what was I going to say? "No, she has to stay in Russia -- where she has no place to stay and no job?" In any event, I asked my wife how long this would go on. She said until she could save up enough money to buy a place in Russia. That was 2 1/2 years ago. And I just found out she is going to try and get citizenship, and a driver's license. Not exactly stuff you would expect for someone who plans on moving.
BUT, I really do not want a drink. I just want to
Vent over. But dang, I am in one bad mood a lot these days. In re-reading this -- it's all kind of funny, like a bad sitcom. But it's real. It is my life.
So I have been sober for 3 1/2 weeks, and I had been feeling great. I am dieting and exercising. I've lost 6 lbs. (all fat).Way more productive in my business. Sleep is still less than ideal, but much, much improved. Anxiety is waaaaaaaaay down, and no depression.
But man, am I irritable, and get mad at the drop of hat. I was in the airport this afternoon and walked a long way to find the airline club close to my departing gate -- passing another one on the way. So I get to the club, and it is closed for renovations. I just about blew a gasket. I was livid. Then I was like "uh, why the heck are you so mad?!" And not just there. Driving I am honking at people for not signaling. And at times I'd rather bash myself in the head than listen to one word my stepdaughter utters. I can confirm both pre- and post- sobriety she is a monstrous brat.
And when my mother in law is around I can hardly look at her. She is with us every weekend. During the week she works as a live-in nanny for a Russian family. On the weekends though, she has no place to stay because she does not make enough to support herself, and no transportation. So guess where she stays? She speaks very little English, and contributes nothing to bills. She doesn't even buy her own food. She's a 60 year old mooch. She has a job and offers no help to the household other than cleaning the dishes she uses to cook and eat food she does not pay for. When she's at the house she does nothing but sleep in, go for walks, swim in our pool, watch TV (we get Russian channels), and eat -- a lot. In fact, before she leaves for her job she loads up on groceries from the fridge and pantry to feed herself during the week. And we're not talking cheap stuff either. My wife only buys from this Whole Foods knock off store. It's expensive as hell.
Now all this was annoying as all hell while I was drinking . Indeed, many relapses were spurred by me stopping at a bar need my house to load up on scotch to make the evening with my mother-in-law and evil stepdaughter bearable. Now, it is unbearable.
Long story short (I know, too late), I am walking around 40% of the time (at least) wanting to throttle someone.
Anyone else have this experience in early sobriety?
As a P.S. to the stuff about my mother in law. My wife, before we got married, did not tell me that her mother would be with us EVERY weekend ad infinitum. She told me after she moved in, and Babushka was visiting in Russia. Needless to say, what was I going to say? "No, she has to stay in Russia -- where she has no place to stay and no job?" In any event, I asked my wife how long this would go on. She said until she could save up enough money to buy a place in Russia. That was 2 1/2 years ago. And I just found out she is going to try and get citizenship, and a driver's license. Not exactly stuff you would expect for someone who plans on moving.
BUT, I really do not want a drink. I just want to
Vent over. But dang, I am in one bad mood a lot these days. In re-reading this -- it's all kind of funny, like a bad sitcom. But it's real. It is my life.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,760
Early recovery can be a very emotional time. The mil thing sounds harrowing. Every weekend? 
I'd be mad too. Can your wife tell her some basic rules of the house? Like getting her own supplies and such. I'd seriously have a talk with her.
I'd be mad too. Can your wife tell her some basic rules of the house? Like getting her own supplies and such. I'd seriously have a talk with her.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 247
You are hilarious @Horn95. and in a peculiar way I can relate to a lot of your story. It's difficult dealing with personalities that you are forced to deal with.
And I agree with the above comment, but also, it's just food man. As long as the mil isn't abusive and it sounds like you're already signed up for the long haul.
the longer you stay sober, the better everything will get and you'll be able to set better boundaries. I'm sure your drinking set a tone in the household. Be patient. Things will change in time. I only have two days but I once had 4 years, 20 years ago and they were the best and most productive years of my life. I see how my addiction damaged so much of me and my surroundings.
I have a funny feeling everything will be okay.
And I agree with the above comment, but also, it's just food man. As long as the mil isn't abusive and it sounds like you're already signed up for the long haul.
the longer you stay sober, the better everything will get and you'll be able to set better boundaries. I'm sure your drinking set a tone in the household. Be patient. Things will change in time. I only have two days but I once had 4 years, 20 years ago and they were the best and most productive years of my life. I see how my addiction damaged so much of me and my surroundings.
I have a funny feeling everything will be okay.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Glad you posted, and what Gottalife said.
As I committed to and started growing in my recovery program, I began to see my emotions smooth out- not so high and low- or the "rough" stuff pass more quickly. I had tools to deal with it and people who supported me (in and out of AA).
Everyone has stressful situations- and I do not envy yours with your MIL as I know that would be immensely stressful and aggravating for me too. However, I have learned that turning things around - as in, it's not about me, how can I help the other person- is one of the best skills I can have and keep practicing in sobriety.
You mention some positives you are seeing in your first few weeks of sobriety- that's great! And it gets better. Emotions typically even out as well (I had a spike of the mean reds around 4 months where I was just MAD at everyone and everything, even the sun for being too bright, not even kidding there). IMO and IME - working an active program of recovery, like AA or another established plan- is key to making all of this happen- all of life be accepted and lived- most easily and consistently.
Take care. Hope to see you around.
As I committed to and started growing in my recovery program, I began to see my emotions smooth out- not so high and low- or the "rough" stuff pass more quickly. I had tools to deal with it and people who supported me (in and out of AA).
Everyone has stressful situations- and I do not envy yours with your MIL as I know that would be immensely stressful and aggravating for me too. However, I have learned that turning things around - as in, it's not about me, how can I help the other person- is one of the best skills I can have and keep practicing in sobriety.
You mention some positives you are seeing in your first few weeks of sobriety- that's great! And it gets better. Emotions typically even out as well (I had a spike of the mean reds around 4 months where I was just MAD at everyone and everything, even the sun for being too bright, not even kidding there). IMO and IME - working an active program of recovery, like AA or another established plan- is key to making all of this happen- all of life be accepted and lived- most easily and consistently.
Take care. Hope to see you around.
G-Woman
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Mississauga, ON
Posts: 979
I'm also coming up on a month sober, and I'm pretty well going through the same thing. Normally I'm pretty laid back and have a long fuse, but right now EVERYTHING is pissing me off. Agitated, aggravated, irritable.
I'm sure I'm a real peach to be around.
But I've been through this before, so I know this phase will pass. It's just my central nervous system going through the wringer.
I'm sure I'm a real peach to be around.
But I've been through this before, so I know this phase will pass. It's just my central nervous system going through the wringer.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 5
two months sober for me. I do pretty good until the agitation sets in and I have to stay busy until the craving passes. I can also talk to my wife, but sometimes she doesn't want to deal with me and I don't blame her one bit. I'm pretty damn sure I'm no fun to be around sometimes
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,822
Being annoyed sounds/feels louder early on and the AV will send not so subtle hints that a way to quiet it exists. Good news , nothing sucks forever
Hang in there , I wonder if there are any good residential real estate investment opportunities in Russia?
Hang in there , I wonder if there are any good residential real estate investment opportunities in Russia?
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