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Re-Discover Your True Life. Weekender Thread October 12-18

Old 10-12-2017, 02:36 AM
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Re-Discover Your True Life. Weekender Thread October 12-18

Hi, Weekenders!

This week I have the honor to write an opening for the Weekenders thread.

What is this thread about? Its mission is to help each other to make it through a weekend safe and sober, and enjoy it as much as possible. Whether you’ve just joined SR or a long-time member – just jump on board. And share whatever you feel like sharing.

This weekend is special for me. Saturday, October 14, is my 5 year sober anniversary.

Among many self-deceptions which I had harbored about quitting alcohol was the fear that I would be “missing out”, that I would be deprived of my ability to enjoy life.

I was literally terrified that I would lose the only “medium” which connects me to stress-relief activities. I didn’t know another way to unlock my capacity to absorb atmosphere of fun and carelessness which weekends and holidays bring.

How else am I supposed to take shackles off my emotions and drop the crippling burden of constantly hating myself and my life? How did I happen to find myself in that kind of life?

I felt like my real life was in those under influence moments. And everything in between was just the life I was somehow forced to tolerate. And this tolerating was taking enormous emotional toll on me.

I was scared that sweet anticipation of a weekend will be forever gone. You know, when it starts brewing somewhere on Friday morning, peaks on Friday evening, and then nosedives in the “next level of how low I can fall”. And next morning I will be struggling to get shattered pieces of myself together. Welcome back to hell.

I was a closet drinker. So, for me the life I was so worried to “miss out” was my ability to enjoy watching someone else’s life. Watching movies in a state where I can imagine myself being a part of the movie. Part of the desired life. Just a drunk spectator. And I needed to be “medicated” enough to be ok with that.

For you emotional relief from hardships of everyday life may be parties and get-togethers where alcohol serves as some sort of “password” to communicate with peers.

If you are a young person, you may be concerned about missing all the “fun”, not being able enjoy what everyone else enjoys, and regretting it later.

If your partying years are in the books already, you may go through some tough phase of your life right now. Maybe, you carry so much on your shoulders that you just can’t take it anymore. Maybe, it feels like just one more step – and you will fall apart. And you are afraid that you will lose this “friend” which can make all the problems “disappear”. Even if for a short period of time.

You may be concerned that you will lose your ability to blend in the festive environment and you will turn into a boring “odd duck” no one wants to be around.

You may be terrified that you will lose your friends (a.k.a drinking buddies) and end up in the zone of “forced to be alone” weekends.

You may keep telling yourself that you will enjoy just “this concert”, “this wedding”, “this party”, “this Friday night”, and then “bite the bullet”.

Those fears are all lies.

Living sober provides totally different quality of joy. Nothing manipulates you, nothing brings you to your knees. Nothing demands to sacrifice your health, happiness, dreams and life for a dubious leftovers of pleasure.

Once the alcohol-induced fog lifted it became quite clear what kind of life I was so afraid to “miss out”. Life full of hangovers, shame, delusions, crashed hopes, never achieved goals and piled up disappointments. While real life was slipping away from me every second I was scared to let the bottle go.

Once I took my “red pill” I was able to start changing the reality around me. I confronted life issues I was terrified of. And in every confrontation I revealed some part of me I was never aware of.

And thus, bit by bit, the real me started emerging.

She developed new skills and created new friendships.

I don’t want to be a spectator in my life any more. And being sober makes me capable to act, to dare, to feel the fear and do it anyway.

So, there is a weekend just around the corner. And, sorry to say, there are only so many weekends left in our lives. How many? 3,200? 2,600? 2,080? Is that all? How are you going to spend them? Nursing hangover or fighting for your goals? Are you ready to make the first step to re-discovering yourself and your genuine life?

Is there anything you are or was afraid to “miss out” if you quit drinking?

I welcome everyone to join our OctSober weekend. And have a great day!

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Old 10-12-2017, 02:49 AM
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Thanks so much, MidnightBlue ~ Great opener! And Happy FIVE YEAR Soberversary!

I can definitely relate ~ then realized the only thing I'm "missing out" on is drama, being surrounded by some people I don't even like, spending money I don't have, getting myself into trouble, looking and feeling like crap.....ain't nobody got time for that! Why watch someone else's movies when I can create my own?

I'm in for the weekend!
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Old 10-12-2017, 02:50 AM
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I'm in for a sober weekend.

I've lost it a little lately; I have zero motivation and energy. However, I have to keep on going. I will be here reading...

Oh, and it's my birthday today.

Lava.
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Old 10-12-2017, 02:57 AM
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Happy Birthday Lava!
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Old 10-12-2017, 02:58 AM
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Happy Birthday, Lava!

Sober BDays are the best !
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Old 10-12-2017, 03:18 AM
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what a fantastic post MB - thank you for sharing - and congratulations on your upcoming 5 years too

D
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Old 10-12-2017, 03:18 AM
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Many happy returns Lava

D
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Old 10-12-2017, 04:09 AM
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Super post MB, thanks. And Happy Birthday Lava!

I remember back in late August of last year telling myself I'll need my drink to get thru the new level of work stress I was facing. When in reality what I really needed was to quit and clear my head. It took a few more weeks, but I'm so glad I finally made that change. I'm never going back!
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Old 10-12-2017, 04:19 AM
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Shotgun anyone?)))
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Old 10-12-2017, 04:33 AM
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I’ll step up to the plate, even though I have no qualifications!

Shotgun!

Great intro, MB!

Congratulations on 5 years!

Happy birthday, Lava!
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Old 10-12-2017, 04:39 AM
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Congrats on the shotgun, Gilmer!

No qualifications required)
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Old 10-12-2017, 05:36 AM
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Great opening post MidnightBlue blue and congratulations on your upcoming 5th anniversary. Your so right, letting go of the bottle is scary, but there is nothing to fear.

Happy Birthday Lava!

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Old 10-12-2017, 06:01 AM
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I am in! Thanks for the opening MidnightBlue and congratulations on your upcoming sober anniversary!! 5 years is amazing.

Happy Birthday Lava!!

I am still learning who I am in sobriety! It is amazing how much I have changed. It is totally crazy. Thankful I have no desire to pick back up. At first you can't picture never drinking again than after awhile you can't image ever going back to it.
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Old 10-12-2017, 06:03 AM
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Great opener, MB!

Happy birthday, LAVA!

I was terrified to quit drinking - I had no idea who I was, and I was afraid to find out. I was afraid I'd lose all my friends - that I'd be doomed to a life of loneliness - because pretty much ALL of my friends are pretty heavy drinkers. But I had to take the leap, and face those fears, because my life was a complete mess and I knew it would only get worse.

What I found is that I'm not lonely. I discovered the joy of being alone when others are out partying - because I like my own company now that I'm not constantly regretting my bad behavior and not diving ever deeper into the despair of self-loathing. I have found new, sober friends in AA and online (Thank you, SR). I also can still be with the few people who are my friends in real life who actually care about me - and not just the party girl they used to drink with. I enjoy my family - grown daughter and her child, teenage son, a lot more than I ever imagined. My relationships with them are so much better now that I'm responsible and PRESENT for them.

There really was nothing much to be afraid of, after all. My life is mostly calm and drama-free now. I have found a lot of peace. And when things do get dramatic, I can step back and handle things in a much better and more mature way. I love being sober, especially on weekends when I get things done and have time to actually relax without creating more problems.
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Old 10-12-2017, 06:16 AM
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Midnight, you are such a good writer! I'm not even a little bit awake, but I know it was good.

Congrats on five years. I know parts of it were a struggle, but that makes the victory ever sweeter I hope.

Lava, you don't look a day older. HB.

I have a morning of stuff to do, no missing out for me. The clear head is priceless.

Jump in lurkers, tell us your story.

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Old 10-12-2017, 08:28 AM
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Im in for the weekend, wouldn't have it any other way and thank you for the original post!

Happy Birthday Lava - staying sober is a great gift to give yourself!
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Old 10-12-2017, 09:19 AM
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I've been hit by a bout of low blood-pressure today and literally spent half a day in bed sleeping. Blah.

But it's time for boxing now, so off I go. It's one of the thing I discovered in my sobriety and I've been "addicted" to it for 4,5 years already). I've been thinking what kind of a gift to treat myself to for 5 years sober and decided on some private boxing classes to hone my technique and drills. I had my first class on Tuesday and it was a blast!

See you weekenders)
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Old 10-12-2017, 09:38 AM
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Thank you for the brilliant post MB.
The drunken spectator......definitely me in the last decade of my weekend drinking. There really is nothing to fear about being sober.

In for the weekend. No turning back now.
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Old 10-12-2017, 09:39 AM
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That’s great, MB! Have a blast!

Soberandhealthy, I see you lurking. Good to see you! How are you feeling today?
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Old 10-12-2017, 11:21 AM
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My boss is on holiday, always a stressful time for me. In the past I would have drank to unwind. Instead of that I have bought cheesecake.
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