Trying to be strong
 

I used to drink everyday. I used to wonder if half a bottle of hard liquor was enough for an evening at home by myself. Everyday at work I was fighting a hangover, I even would fight panic attacks because I felt like I was dying. I'm only 29. Now I don't drink and I've lost 35 pounds. I hike on the weekends, which I never could have done when I was drinking. I don't feel like I'm dying anymore but I struggle daily. I haven't drank in 9 months and I feel like I'm having a harder time than ever. I recently went to a party and there was heavy drinking. Everyone was having such a good time but me. I felt panicky all night and when we got home I told my husband I wanted to drink socially again. He told me all the reasons that's not an option anymore, but in my mind I just kept thinking about how awkward I am when I don't drink and now my life just isn't as fun as other people that can still drink. I felt so weak. He is also a recovering alcoholic and I know me bringing up my triggers and hearing my problems is hard for him, although he's always very supportive. Even a person at work saying something about alcohol makes me crave it. I know what alcohol did to my life. After I stopped drinking I kept telling myself I wasn't really an alcoholic, I just drank too much, an alcoholic sounds so serious. Now I see I was an alcholic. The way the smallest thing is a trigger, it's not easy. I am just happy I found this forum, it's nice to see others feel the same.

Welcome!!
Congrats on the 9 months sober!! I've only been here a couple days but am very thankful that I found this forum as well. It's whats keeping me on track. You will find lots of great threads here for inspiration on those bad days. Stay strong!!

Brighten

If you are struggling at nine months, I have to ask...what are you doing for your recovery besides "not drinking"?

Many of us can't just put down the bottle and call it sobriety. We have to learn to live and love the sober life. If alcohol still calls to you, if you are not happy in sobriety, something is missing in your recovery.

I hope joining Sober Recovery helps you find it.

Welcome! This is a great community to work on your recovery. I'm close to six month, but I have a long way to go to become proficient at recovery. I'm still discovering and developing who I am without alcohol. I was never much fun as a drinker. Well early on in the evening, but it didn't take long until, I couldn't remember or made regrets. Now days I'm happy to have a clear head, and a clear conscience. I can look for real fun instead the alcohol induce fog that I used to call fun. Stay strong, it's worth it, especially since your are still young and can enjoy many healthy sober years.

When my recovery didn't feel so good, I was advised to start practicing gratitude every day. It was hard at first, but then got to be a habit. Now my attitude is much more positive. :)

I hope we can help you find joy in your sobriety. Congrats on 9 months! :hug: