Surprised
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 75
Surprised
I knew this whole sobriety thing would be very hard but it's 100 times harder than I expected.
21 years of abuse to the body and mind coupled with physical/mental dependence is really kicking my butt.
By no means will I have another drink but there's not hardly any hour in the day or night that's goes by without it on my mind .
Boy, I would love just a few cold beers before dinner then a nice bottle of cab with a steak. I keep thinking, hell that's not so bad, and I might even get away with it for a week or so. But... I know damn well what comes next. I just miss the hell out of it !
21 years of abuse to the body and mind coupled with physical/mental dependence is really kicking my butt.
By no means will I have another drink but there's not hardly any hour in the day or night that's goes by without it on my mind .
Boy, I would love just a few cold beers before dinner then a nice bottle of cab with a steak. I keep thinking, hell that's not so bad, and I might even get away with it for a week or so. But... I know damn well what comes next. I just miss the hell out of it !
And, as you well know, the difference between the fantasy and the reality of drinking is stark and chilling.
My mother died from drinking rubbing alcohol, she was my age ( 37 ).
Her alcoholism had progressed to a point it totaly controlled her. She was in another state when it happened and I was young ( 12 ). The stories I've heard from family members about the situation were quite bad, apparently it was a slow and terrible death after ingesting it.
Her alcoholism had progressed to a point it totaly controlled her. She was in another state when it happened and I was young ( 12 ). The stories I've heard from family members about the situation were quite bad, apparently it was a slow and terrible death after ingesting it.
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: London
Posts: 2,040
You're right AM100 it is tough 💜 what positives have you experienced as a result of sobriety? Focusing on what you've gained rather than what you're 'missing' (although we know that's your AV lying to you and romantisising drinking) might help?
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Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 13
It's an illusion. That first drink starts the cycle and leads to inevitable anguish, shame and hopelessness. That little voice in your head telling you 'just one more' even though you're so afraid of what it's doing to your body, even though you're hurting everyone around you, even though you're getting no enjoyment from it whatsoever. Then even though you want to stop you'll struggle to find the strength because you're so tired and the constant drinking is making you feel sick and weak. That's the reality. I guarentee drinking will only add to the problems you have now and will destroy your means of resolving them.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 75
Thanks for all the support, I'm sure it will get worse before it gets better but I'm not starting over.
Working on starting a firm exercise routine this week as well as finding ways to occupy my time when these thoughts come in
Working on starting a firm exercise routine this week as well as finding ways to occupy my time when these thoughts come in
For some reason, it was easier for me to completely cut off contact with super sexy super psycho ex "girlfriends" than to de-romanticize alcohol. But it really is the same thing: after spending a day with either one, you remember all the downside. So now I just try to pretend that Ms. Martini is sending me a cute text message that must be ignored/blocked at all costs. Perhaps deleted from my contacts, though that is getting a lot more difficult these days with the cloud and all.
You are doing great, I know how it feels to mourn or grieve the loss of alcohol, but then I would think what am I actually losing?
Fear
Anxiety
Shame
Self Loathing
Worthless
Unproductive
Being a weapons grade trumpet to my family and friends
Self Respect
Health
Time
My mind
and the list goes on and on and on and on.
You are so much better here and sober
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