BeanieBaby

Hi everyone! Well, four days to go until I hit 11 months of sobriety. Thanks so much to this community for your support and help - this forum is a great resource and I love to just pop in to see how everyone's doing and give any input if I feel it can help someone.

I was talking with my sponsor today and mentioned that life is becoming more serene for me in sobriety (or I'd like it be) but now dramas are popping up left and right within my immediate family between my husband and son. She said that recovery can cause a family dynamic that if the alcoholic is getting better, someone else needs to be sick or in crisis. Does anyone have any experience or thoughts about this?

I had an especially brutal day today during which my son mentioned to his therapist that he was thinking of suicide by hanging. He's 11. Having a hard time adjusting to a new school, was what he shared.
After emergency room check and subsequent talk with therapist, we have a new treatment plan for him. I can't tell you how hard this is for a mother to hear - and feel as he's going through that type of depression/sadness at such a young age with no forewarning. I got through today without a drink and called my sponsor, thanks to my HP. Bernadette

Anna

Oh my goodness, that sounds so very scary. Personally, I don't think that some member of a family needs to be sick or in crisis. That's not my experience. Of course, relationships with parents and kids have ups and downs but, I don't think there is a need for someone to be in crisis.

I'm glad that you have good care for your son. I can't imagine how you must be feeling.

Of course, as always, staying sober will help you to get through this.

oakleaf82

I’m so sorry that you are going through this! I dont necessarily agree that someone need to always be in a crisis though, so I don’t have input on that. Staying sober will definitely help you get through this. I wish all the best for you in this situation.

BeanieBaby

I may have not chosen the right word with "need" like it's a decision. More of an unconscious shift. Anyway, I can over analyze things and maybe just staying focused on my feelings of anxiety and how to manage that - and what I can change and work on is better. Keeping it simple when overwhelmed - just not picking up a drink. And staying grateful.

MindfulMan

I think this absolutely can be true. I saw it with one of my IOP group members. She got sober, her sister freaked and got increasingly nasty. I don't think the sister liked having to look at her own issues.

Gottalife

The family of the alcoholic an be as sick or even sicker than than the alcoholic them selves, and they can take a lot longer to recover. Denial is harder to overcome because families don’t see themselves as sick, which has a certain logic to it.

One of the hardest things to cope with is the sober alcoholic is less predictable and harder to control/manage. They begin to think for themselves and this can be difficult for the other half to get used to. My father who had to manage my affairs, had a hard time giving up control.

Dee74

Hi Beanie Baby

I'm not sure I agree that alcoholics families get used to crises, and drama becomes the norm.

I think a lot of teens and now even preteens, even those kids with no familial history of addiction can find this world a pretty bewildering even hostile place.

I'm not a parent but I am an Uncle several times over....I reckon it's up to us - the grown ups - to set an example of how to negotiate a safe path during troubled times and provide a safe haven.

Sounds to me like you're doing all the right things and I wish you and your family all the very best,

Congrats on your 11 months too

D