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Old 10-10-2017, 07:45 AM
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Talk. Here, with your wife, and anyone else that you believe can be helpful. Never lose sight of the fact that you have children who love and need you; if nothing else let them be your source of strength.
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Old 10-10-2017, 08:41 AM
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I will text them now.
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Old 10-10-2017, 09:01 AM
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Just texted my children. Made me happy. Sorry to bring my problems to others. I'm supposed to be the strength.
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Old 10-10-2017, 09:05 AM
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I had to throw the white flag of surrender, bobdrop.

Alcohol will defeat even the strongest people. I think probably the strongest keep trying to beat it long after it has already won. Alcohol is no respecter of titles, occupations, or how many people are relying on us.

Surrender is the best thing I did when it comes to alcohol. Surrender to the fact that my life was unmanageable and I had to eliminate alcohol to regain life.
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Old 10-10-2017, 09:34 AM
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I am the strength of the family and throwing in the towel would be very tough. My wife thinks she is, but not so much.
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Old 10-10-2017, 09:40 AM
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Originally Posted by bobdrop View Post
I am the strength of the family and throwing in the towel would be very tough. My wife thinks she is, but not so much.
I didn't say "throw in the towel." I said throw the white flag of surrender.

I lost the war.

It was time to admit I was defeated by alcohol.

I hope you'll get there too. It's not a weakness.
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Old 10-10-2017, 09:45 AM
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Originally Posted by biminiblue View Post
I didn't say "throw in the towel." I said throw the white flag of surrender.

I lost the war.

It was time to admit I was defeated by alcohol.

I hope you'll get there too. It's not a weakness.
amen!!
to win the war i had to surrender. theres nothing wrong with saying,"i dont know what to do or how to do it" and reaching out for help.

i had to turn to others for help. all i had to go on was my thinkin and my thinkin got me drunk.
my thinkin wasnt gonna help me get sober. i had to have the thinkin of others- others that had been on my shoes- to help me get out from under.
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Old 10-10-2017, 01:41 PM
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Managed to get in at least part of day at work. Now comes the tough stuff. Put it off until tomorrow or stay tough now.......
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Old 10-10-2017, 01:44 PM
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stay tough now

only way out is through--that's true toughness

you can do it bd
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Old 10-10-2017, 01:46 PM
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Bob, this is the time to dig deep and strengthen your plan. Don't go back to another Day 1.

We are here for you!
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Old 10-10-2017, 02:42 PM
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Time to talk to my wife. Not working without her.
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Old 10-10-2017, 02:56 PM
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Hi bob - I understand you want support but it kinda sounds like you're making your wife's unconditional support and understanding a condition of you staying sober?

That's not going to help either of you.

My loved ones were pretty pissed at me by the end of my drinking - and with good reason.

She may be hurting too. She may not be in a headplace where her first thought is to help you out.

SR exists so that people like you and me have support - even when other support in your life may not be forthcoming right now.

D
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Old 10-10-2017, 03:14 PM
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Originally Posted by bobdrop View Post
Time to talk to my wife. Not working without her.
was it working WITH her?
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Old 10-10-2017, 05:24 PM
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Dee74, I really respect your experience. Thank you! How can I do this without her? I've hidden stuff from her before, but it's killing me. I had an affair that she never found out about. She didn't even notice the last 2 times I've been drunk as hell. I keep telling myself that things will be better if I just come clean. Yes or no?
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Old 10-10-2017, 05:29 PM
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I don't know your wife Bob.
I don't know what you have or haven't told her or how many secrets you might have.

What I am saying is a lot of people here don't actually have the support of their loved one - it may make things harder, but it's far from being a dealbreaker.

I'm one for honesty - and my wife always knows when I'm holding something back anyway - but only you can know if you confessing past sins at this point in time will make your marriage, and your recovery, better or worse.

Naturally I'd hope it makes things better - but what if it makes things worse, what then Bob?

whats your fall back plan?

D
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Old 10-10-2017, 06:55 PM
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I'm thinking she can never know about the affair. That only hurts her. I have one best friend that knows and that will never leave his lips.

My drinking is hidden. Except from me and my cardiologist, and the body that I occupy.
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Old 10-10-2017, 06:57 PM
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I hope tomorrow is the last day 1.
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Old 10-10-2017, 07:16 PM
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I have often wondered if the guilt of the affair was responsible, but I drank way before that.
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Old 10-10-2017, 07:37 PM
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Good luck BD,

As for confessing your sins, I would suggest think about the motive. Are you telling them to make you feel better or to help them? If you have an affair that she doesn't know about, then don't tell her. Find a friend, priest, or therapist and air all your dirty laundry. This might help you put it behind you so you can work on sobriety. Get sober, get a sponsor, work the steps and follow your sponsors advice. Good luck BD
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Old 10-10-2017, 08:50 PM
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Originally Posted by bobdrop View Post
I hope tomorrow is the last day 1.

you really can make it your last day one Bob.

You may not think it right now, but you really do have it in your power to do that

Commitment and effort go a long way

D
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