Ready to stay sober for life
 

Hi all just wanted to start posting again. I had an account here previously but don't know the details and can't access that email anymore. Anyway the circumstances of my life are that I am a binge drinking alcoholic. I have been fooling myself year after year after year about my problem. I can go awhile between drunks naturally and usually I can have just a few shots or beers or a couple glasses of wine with dinner, but I never know when the floodgates will open. Then I black out and my behavior is atrocious and unlike me to say the least.
I can't go on living like this any longer. I'm sick of being uncomfortable in my own skin. Sick of not being able to remember my awful behaviors and hiding from consequence. Sick of anxiety about everything especially about when my health is gonna fail.
I had some good stretches of sobriety in the past. Pretty close to a year once. Then stress and excuses hit. Never again! I am done for good. I don't care what happens I refuse to let booze cross my lips again. I refuse to let my mind play tricks on me and talk me into drinking any more.
My day 1 was yesterday, and I poured out my liquor cabinet and beers today. I hope to use this thread as a timeline and place to share my struggles and success.
It has taken me 20 years of drink and a lot of beat downs to get to this point. I have had some bad experiences before that caused me to clean up my act but once the smoke clears there I am drinking again.
Not happening this time I gotta dump it for good.

Welcome back, LastDrop. It's so good to have you posting.

I had 30 yrs. & a lot of beat downs. When I came here I was so relieved that others had been through the same thing. We all understand & want to help. I'm glad you've made the decision to get free - we know you can do it.

Good for you LastDrop. You did it before, you can do it again!

I'm going on 8 months and I know too well how once time passes, we begin to think it's ok to start trying to control alcohol again. What made you go back to drinking after having almost 1 yr of sobriety?

Welcome back! I’m another former binge drinker who had a long stretch of sobriety. The pro is we know it’ll be easier in a couple months. We can figure this out!

Nice work having 8 months!

I don't know if there is a valid answer for that. I got stressed out, and just ordered a cocktail when out with my wife at dinner. Nothing terrible happened so I kept on. I enjoyed a lot of the time, but in the back of my mind I always knew I shouldn't be drinking.

That was 4-5 years ago.

This recent episode of being sick and obnoxious around my family and friends is just the straw that broke the camel's back.

I always thought it would take some bad situation to get me sober and this 2 day hangover is it. I've had enough of it and it's never gonna change for me.

Welcome to the family LD! :) I'm glad you came back. We are here to support you in your quest to live sober. :)

Can't sleep. Woke up to some noise droning on. Can't tell what it is. I got about 4 hours sleep and have been up for the last hour. Sigh.

Read here for awhile. Finally got up and figured out what the noise was. Just a plug humming loudly and echoing from another area.

Took a Tylenol pm and got some deep sleep. Feeling much better.

Here goes day 3.

:)

I went back to an occasional drink after many years sober and was able to moderate too!

Sometimes.

Tricky, that.

Then for a few years I tried to moderate on demand. Also tricky. The sober side is so much better and easier.

I'm glad you're back on board with us.

basically my exact story.

I joined here, got myself into AA, started working with a counselor (not directly about addiction but just life therapy in general), got busy exercising, made changes and DID IT..... all of this after a firm and sincere CHOICE to embrace sobriety.

That was almost 4 years ago.

You can do it.

And it will be incredible.

I promise.

:grouphug:

Last drop, welcome and well done on choosing to put drinking in the past. You can do this!

Regarding the mind playing tricks, and refusing to fall for it -- one suggestion is to read up on the AVRT threads in the Secular Connections sub-forum. That technique has been the key for me, to never again be fooled by the addicted part of my brain.

Glad you're here!

Binge drinking very nearly destroyed my life. Of course by the time I quit the binges were so close together that I was an almost daily drinker. anyway. You are making the right choice, and coming here will help you find the tools you need to stay committed to it.

Welcome back lastdrop :)

D

Thanks for all the support. Its unreal how quick my mind changes direction. Only day 3 and thoughts are already popping up saying I should be ok as long as I stick to beer only. NO!
How many times have I tried that!

Thanks! It feels good to finally have the monkey off my back. Nevertheless, I know I need to stay vigilant because the AV is always waiting to pop up when we least expect it.

We all know too well what those 2 day hangovers are like...ugh! You'll get through it and be thankful you did.

Day 3 - how fantastic is that? We're with you, LastDrop.

Appreciate you all. My mind is attacking me right now. Feels out of control. I am in bed praying for tomorrow. Praying for some peace.

In a sick way Im happy this is happening though. I never ever want to feel like this again.

Wow I didnt think I was gonna be able to make it last night. Had a full blown panic attack.
Hope I never have to experience that again.
I finally got some good sleep though, and feel confident in staying sober today.

Yesterday I also threw away all my MJ and paraphernalia. MJ was my other vice and it kept me linked in to altering myself and ultimately drinking. Cant do that ever again.
100 percent clean. Day 4.

My pot smoking and drinking wee linked too - good idea to dump to paraphernalia LD :)

D

Yep I know this is gonna get tough for me sometimes but I am ready to do whatever it takes. No more pot, no more alcohol ever again. I am so done.

Have had a pretty good day today getting work done, and much less anxiety.