noneever

It's been a while since I've posted. I was relapsing so often that it became too demoralising to come back again and again and vow that this time was it.
Since May, I've managed 31 days AF and three shorter periods of 11, 12 and 13 days. Loads of shorter periods. I don't drink every day, or even a few times a week, but I binge, once a week on average and that's been my pattern for a long time.
Each time though, I learn something new and I refuse to give up hope that I can kick this for good.
So, it's day 2 here for me, it's embarrassing but it is what it is,

doggonecarl

Hope you stick around.

Bottletop

Nothing embarrassing at all noneever. Takes effort and determination to start over each time. I'm no expert as I'm just starting into my journey, but better your here no matter how many restarts you have. Who of us doesn't feel your pain!? Great effort....don't be hard on yourself. ☺.

Delilah1

I'm glad you are here and posting. What have you been doing to help you stay sober during the stretches of sobriety you have had? Can you think what you might be able to add for the days you have struggled?

noneever

Hi Delilah- during the longer stretches I was listening to recovery/ addiction podcasts daily, exercising a few times a week and journaling. I was able to recognise cravings when they arose and ride them out. Having something planned for times which I know are triggering for me also helped- meeting up with a friend, going to AA. Getting out of the house and planning y day is really important for me- loneliness and boredom are my biggest triggers and it's when I'm at a lose end that I end up drinking.
I've started using the Daybreak app and I'm also doing the Alcohol Experiment by Annie Grace. And I've returned here.

Stronger2017

I'm glad you're back. noneever😀 SR has been a really useful part of my recovery the 35 days. Good luck!

ChloeRose63

Glad you are back to get some support and better tools. Your pattern of drinking is all to familiar to me. In fact, sounds like me. This time around I am going to make it past those rough patches by asking for help in steering me away from buying alcohol.

Sinderos

Don’t be embarrassed. I know how you feel. This last week alone I’ve posted how today is day one and yet I still drank. I didn’t drink vodka yesterday and I didn’t get drunk, but I had some alcohol. Today is my true day one and I’m determined to make it this time.

You can do this! I’ll be here rooting for you!!!

joandmelandhan

Please don't be embarrassed nonever. Thing is we've all been where you are. I joined SR in April 2016. Off-on-off-on for over a year. It does take work and utter honesty (mainly with yourself) but it absolutely can be done. This is your journey not ours. For me it was about getting to that point where I was absolutely done. No more ever again. You will read many times about "wanting to be sober more than you want to drink". That phrase was my utter nemesis. I didn't want to at first but I knew that's where I needed to get to and now I believe I do.
Just never ever give up trying. Make sobriety your absolute number one priority over absolutely anything else (especially at first). Getting your head on the pillow sober each night is a successful day no matter what else you may or may not achieve.
Lots of support to you xxx

Everydaysabonus

Sober since March 2016, you can do this!