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Being a happy introvert in sobriety

Old 10-08-2017, 10:14 AM
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Being a happy introvert in sobriety

Hi,
I just thought I'd start this thread as have read a couple of very interesting things on SR today about being an introvert. "An introvert in an extroverted world" to quote another SR member, Linners

I started drinking as a very introverted shy, nervous teen and suddenly found this magical substance that made me feel like I fitted in, an extrovert, life and soul, confident etc. Fast forward many years and the wheels fall off.

I did have a period of sobriety 3 years plus until last year and the early months of sobriety were very eye opening. what I did learn was that it's ok to be an introvert. We aren't all extroverts and we don't need to be. Neither do I want to be.

We are all meant to be as we are and learning to be happy and content as we are in our own skins is something I'm still learning to do but getting there Of course we can all grow and develop and learn new skills, emotional, coping, mental etc but we don't need to fundamentally change our inner characters.

I have always and still do disliked group activities, groups etc. I like being alone or with 1 or 2 friends. Of course there are times when I do go to group gatherings and I cope but it drains me. If I have visitors for the weekend I feel mentally and physically drained for a few days and have to take time out alone to almost recharge.

on Friday I was out all day with friends and yesterday I spent the afternoon at a play centre with a group of children and their parents. Last night I was drained. I hadn't physically done much, just mentally being around people tires me.

The most important thing is that we accept that there is nothing wrong being as we are this way. If we are happy and understand ourselves then we are not odd, weird or different from everyone else. Everyone is different and we should all celebrate our uniqueness.

Happy Sober Sunday everyone
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Old 10-08-2017, 11:08 AM
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Sounds like you just wrote my bio, lol. Yea, I've basically transformed from a drunken hermit into a sober one. A downside to being introverted is that you can continue self destructive tendencies longer and go more unnoticed than extroverted people. I try and have a few acquaintances I call regular just to keep me on the straight and narrow as they are familiar with my past.
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Old 10-08-2017, 11:27 AM
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It was such a relief to finally accept that about myself so that I could stop feeling inadequate because I wasn't more outgoing and "social". I now enjoy my time alone and when I do go around people, I am more relaxed knowing I can be myself.
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Old 10-08-2017, 11:57 AM
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I am very much the same. I love spending time with family and close friends, but it drains me, too. If you've read and enjoyed Drinking: A Love Story by Caroline Knapp, you might like her book The Merry Recluse.
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Old 10-08-2017, 12:08 PM
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One really nice thing about getting older for me is the recognition and acceptance of who I am.
I know what I can tolerate. I know what I don’t like.
I’m not afraid to try new things, but I know and accept my limits and celebrate my accomplishments, however small.
I have returned to yoga class after an absence of several years. Been going weekly for about two months.
At class, this week, I felt, for the first time, that my body was responding to the practice.
I could almost fully sit in hero’s pose, where you sit back on your heels.
Even my instructor noticed and commented.
It’s perfectly okay to be an introvert, to recognize that being around people can be draining., and to see alone time as good time.
Personally, I prefer that to someone who just isn't comfortable alone, and is always seeking to fill the void.
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Old 10-08-2017, 03:26 PM
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Yes! I am a pretty extreme introvert. When I was drinking, I thought I was being social (I wasn’t a home alone alone drinker). Now that I don’t drink, I’m not very social at all, and rarely get together with others outside my spouse and family. I feel kind of guilty, like I need to be making plans with friends more often, but then I realize I am pretty happy with the way things are.

I don’t understand extroverts at all!
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Old 10-08-2017, 03:38 PM
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Hey, Ready! I am an introvert, too and started drinking at 16. It made me feel like I belonged and gave me a false sense of happiness and relief. I am autistic as well, and I thought that drinking helped me to be 'normal' but of course I was very wrong. I now have 22 months of sobriety and I will always be introverted and autistic, but I accept myself now. I am happy and at peace with who I am.
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Old 10-08-2017, 04:03 PM
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I seem to be a pretty extroverted person. I used to love to go to parties, to go out with people, to hang out with large groups. But I have found since I stopped drinking, I really want to protect my alone time. I still enjoy being with others, but I need time to reflect and not be talking (or listening).

I find that the only time I feel lonely is when I am with other people. Not always when I am with others, but sometimes, with others I feel so very separate in ways I don't feel alone.
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Old 10-09-2017, 12:09 AM
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Originally Posted by applewakesup View Post
I seem to be a pretty extroverted person. I used to love to go to parties, to go out with people, to hang out with large groups. But I have found since I stopped drinking, I really want to protect my alone time. I still enjoy being with others, but I need time to reflect and not be talking (or listening).

I find that the only time I feel lonely is when I am with other people. Not always when I am with others, but sometimes, with others I feel so very separate in ways I don't feel alone.
This is so me! I've never thought of it that way. I feel alone amongst others too. Sort of out of it and a lost sheep. Not always but sometimes in large groups with people I don't know. I never feel lonely when I'm alone.
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Old 10-09-2017, 12:10 AM
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Originally Posted by oakleaf82 View Post
Yes! I am a pretty extreme introvert. When I was drinking, I thought I was being social (I wasn’t a home alone alone drinker). Now that I don’t drink, I’m not very social at all, and rarely get together with others outside my spouse and family. I feel kind of guilty, like I need to be making plans with friends more often, but then I realize I am pretty happy with the way things are.

I don’t understand extroverts at all!
I don't understand them either, thank you
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Old 10-09-2017, 12:15 AM
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Thanks Verdantia - and congrats on 22 months sober

Maudcat, thank you for responding. I know what you mean about people who always have to be surrounded by others -sometimes they just aren't happy in their own skin.


Thanks Anna. I've not read any of her books but love reading and starting to get back into it I've just order the Naked Mind which should arrive this week. I'll get these next, thank you

Madbird- you're right, it is a relief to just be 'me'

Thanks Upstairs. that's a very interesting perspective about self destruction. About 20 years ago an ex boyfriend said I was the most self destructive person he'd ever met. It took me many years and a decent stint of sobriety to understand just what he meant.

Thank you to everyone who responded. Hopefully it helps some of us on here
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Old 10-09-2017, 01:54 AM
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I'm an introvert by nature, happiest with a partner, couple of close mates, limited family + dogs. HEnce why I've found AA /NA meetings such a struggle.

I however have found in past times of sobriety , where I was forced by court to attend meetings that in time my introversion 'scaled down'. I think bc of the continual forced interaction, bc eventually, after 4-5months my introversion reached a point where I was quite regular with social interaction and hanging with aquaintances etc and I feel like it was really good for me to push my boundaries in such a way.

In retrospect I think that for me it is a case of of learning not to be so invested in other peoples energy (mind reading, fixing etc) and learning to stay in my own power, rather than letting my energetic focus go to others. I was also meditating regularly every day at that point , which I feel helped me more effectively detach from my own inner dialogue,.
Eventually I stopped mediating regularly (drinking instead) and ceased meetings & I slowly moved back to hermit mode. Story of my life!

Anyway, big hello to all fellow introverts out there! I'm off to cook dinner for myself and read a book, alone :-)
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Old 10-09-2017, 03:15 AM
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Thank God for the many birds and
critters that live and visit my garden
of paradise in my backyard. Listening
to them sing and fly around each day,
visiting me, keeping me company,
is the greatest joy and gift I am so
grateful for in life and recovery.

Unconditional love that keeps on
giving always.
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Old 10-09-2017, 03:26 AM
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Hi fellow introverts! I'm definitely happiest with less people around me. Of course I do have a need for human interaction, but it's with my close friends. I dislike small talk and large crowds, and I'm content with a book or an art project in front of me and no one else's company but my dog's.

I've always felt very susceptible to other ppl's energy, and very intuitive, if that has anything to do with it. Like a sponge, I take it all in, the good and the bad. And it can be exhausting. It wasn't until a couple years ago I was browsing around Pinterest and saw a board with lots of quotes about being an introvert, and thought, that's ME. I felt almost...relieved? Validated? To know there wasn't anything WRONG with me (I so get that feeling of being alone in a group of ppl or feeling like the black sheep) and it was actually a thing. Learning about the Meyers Briggs personality types was really interesting to me too.
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Old 10-09-2017, 04:31 AM
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Interesting thread! i definitely concur that acceptance of who WE are is a huge part- blessing, really- of recovery.

For a long time I considered myself (and so did everrrryone else) a big ol' extrovert. In recent years, I learned the term "ambivert" - which I think describes me very well in sobriety (and before, which explains some things about my need for attention and often, subsequent crash and isolation)....I am someone who is extroverted in many ways- I can talk to anyone in any situation, I easily wear a cape of sociability and easy conversation, and because I can expend so much energy being "on" - I need equal time to recharge, to be quiet, to rest, to enjoy being at home with my family (and dog) ..... in sobriety I have found that I enjoy MUCH less stimulation than before (when my alcoholism was in full force, or even before that) and generally choose one on one friend time, or couple with couple, and have a much shorter time frame for attending big events.

Learning to take care of my needs- some surprising once I figured out my pattern of intro/extro, so to speak- is a big part of living my own full life in recovery, happily.
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Old 10-09-2017, 05:03 AM
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Introvert checking in. I support a sales organization, so I'm surrounded by extroverts. What I've learned is they are horrible listeners. I use this as a strength for me. I pick up on details they don't and I believe that empowers me.

Everything else said here applies to me. My batteries get drained and I need downtime from people to recharge. The good news is there has been a lot of research and books on this subject in recent years ("introvert advantage", "silence: the power of quiet..."). I personally need to see this as a positive even if the western world places more emphasis on extroverts.
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Old 10-09-2017, 08:14 AM
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Originally Posted by August252015 View Post
Interesting thread! i definitely concur that acceptance of who WE are is a huge part- blessing, really- of recovery.

For a long time I considered myself (and so did everrrryone else) a big ol' extrovert. In recent years, I learned the term "ambivert" - which I think describes me very well in sobriety (and before, which explains some things about my need for attention and often, subsequent crash and isolation)....I am someone who is extroverted in many ways- I can talk to anyone in any situation, I easily wear a cape of sociability and easy conversation, and because I can expend so much energy being "on" - I need equal time to recharge, to be quiet, to rest, to enjoy being at home with my family (and dog) ..... in sobriety I have found that I enjoy MUCH less stimulation than before (when my alcoholism was in full force, or even before that) and generally choose one on one friend time, or couple with couple, and have a much shorter time frame for attending big events.

Learning to take care of my needs- some surprising once I figured out my pattern of intro/extro, so to speak- is a big part of living my own full life in recovery, happily.

This is me, also. When I tell people now that I consider myself more of an introvert, they are shocked and tell me I'm nuts. Because when I was drinking I was pretty outgoing and always up for a party. But that was mostly the booze talking. And I was so miserable in my own skin that I got antsy and felt really lonely and like kind of a loser if I was forced to be alone. I can still be quite social and enjoy being around a lot of people if I'm in the mood and the setting is right, but after a social event (or even work, where I talk to people a lot), I neeeeed time to be alone and recharge. I'm quite happy at home alone now (well, I have a teen son living at home, but he spends most of his time in his room), and don't feel the need to constantly be surrounded by people in order to avoid being alone. I need a balance or I get all anxious and overwhelmed.
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Old 10-09-2017, 09:26 PM
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I can be either intro or extro, but to neither extreme. That being said I've always been more on the introvert side. The more mature I get the more I just want to be left alone. Less politics, less drama, less general hype and BS. More peace, calm, and simply kindness. Most social things are so fluffy and insincere, that i can't find a purpose for me to be there. I do enjoy sincere friends, tho admittedly I have none,and I enjoy plants and fixing or improving things. Real is rare.....
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