Runner4034

Hi. I'm new here. I sort of stumbled across this forum earlier today when I googled "excuses for not drinking" and clicked on a link to a different thread in this forum. Started looking around at the threads, and here I am.

The reason for my google search is that I am trying to stop drinking, and tomorrow is my first social situation since making the decision to quit only a few days ago. Tomorrow is brunch/Sunday Funday, and I'll admit that my friends all know how much I love day-drinking, so my not drinking will definitely raise questions.

This is my second go with not drinking. The last time was about two years ago, and I went about three months. I didn't consider it "quitting", more like taking a break. At the same time, I was training for a half marathon, and that was a really convenient "excuse" for not drinking. But my friends all seemed...almost angry? Like my decision to not drink somehow impacted their lives. And so here I am again, trying to quit, and this early on I feel like I need an "excuse" as to why I'm not drinking. I'm not ready to talk about it. It's too soon for me, and I'm still trying to figure out if this is "I quit" or "I need a break." I think if I took the steps to come here, it's "I quit." Maybe I'm still coming to terms with that.

Anyway, thanks for reading. If anyone has any advice or stories of their first social situation after quitting, I'm all ears.

Looking forward to being a part of this community.

Coldfusion

Welcome, Runner!

I think it's good to tell people that you quit for your health, and that is the truth.

Don't bow to peer pressure! It doesn't matter what others think--you know what is right for you.

Read around and post often--it works if you work it!

BrandNewLife

You should really avoid putting yourself in the situation. It’s really hard to stay sober when your relationships are centered on alcohol.

If you really insist on going, plan ahead. Look at the menu ahead of time and get excited about all the delicious food. Get a club soda with orange juice. Slip into the bathroom if you’re feeling weak and post here for support. Make an exit and say you don’t fell well if you feel uncomfortable. Good luck!

Hevyn

Welcome, Runner! I agree that reading & posting here really helps. It's a great distraction - and we learn so much. You're never alone - we all understand how it is in the early days of quitting. Glad to have you with us as you begin a new and better life.

Verdantia

Welcome, Runner. You don't owe your friends an explanation at all. Just tell them you don't feel like drinking today, and keep repeating this every time you go out. It's what is right for you, not them that is important. Congratulations on stopping; it's hard (oh, how I know this) but it is a decision that I do not regret. I was on my way to death in the fast lane, and now I see a future that is good and decent and dignified and positive. There is nothing in this world that alcohol will not make infinitely worse. This is a great place for advice, encouragement and support with good people who really care and understand, and I hope you stick around. Wishing you all the best in your sober journey.

Dee74

Welcome to SR Runner

D

Downthepath

Welcome, Runner.
I identify very keenly with your post and your situation. I work overseas with a group of fellow Brits. The common denominator between me and all of my friends is that we like a drink. We socialise together and there is ALWAYS alcohol involved. My family live in the same condo as a number of other families who have become close because the kids play and the adults drink together.
I decided to stop drinking 7 weeks ago (today). Since then, I have experienced a lot of different reactions from friends.
Some have been very supportive - in fact, one good friend has stopped drinking with me, and this definitely helps. Others have exhibited the 'anger' that you mentioned in your post. One guy in particular is actively trying to encourage me to drink again because his wife isn't a big drinker and I am his excuse to get the beers out. Another gets a bit spiky because he is much further down the road to alcoholism than I am and my abstinence is forcing him to look at his own habits. I am also getting a similar reaction from my siblings (via Whatsapp).
A difficulty that I find is telling people that I am not drinking without giving them the feeling that I am a raging alcoholic. I am very conscious of that label. I'm not even sure whether it fits me, or not - but I don't want people jumping to that conclusion. Only people who have a problem need to quit, right?!
I have just told people that I am having a bit of time off because I have read about the benefits. That I'm just having a bit of a detox. I was fortunate that I had a big event in work that was 6 weeks away and I had set that as a bit of a target. When the six weeks passed I just extended it and told friends that I felt so good after the detox that I am carrying on for a bit. They don't need to know that I intend to extend it indefinitely just yet.
I have been to a number of socials in the past 7 weeks where the expectation was to drink to excess. Free flow champagne events where I would previously have been the entertainment after an hour or two. I have actually found it quite easy to attend and drink water. Watching people drink themselves into a state has only strengthened my resolve.
I'm not sure what my point is, and I'm not sure that I have any great advice for you - but knowing that other people are going through similar things helps. If I were to give you some advice, it would be to stick your chest out, pull your shoulders back, lift your chin up and look them in the eye and tell them that you're just not drinking.

Delilah1

Hi Runner,

Welcome to SR! I think many of us found this site through a Google search, that is how I did.

I have a little over 21 months sober, and this site has been a big part of that. My own personal experience was I needed to avoid drinking situations for a bit, not forever, but I did the first few months. I'm sure that isn't the advice you were hoping to hear. I made plans to do go for walks with friends, rather than meet for drinks. Now I can be out around family and friends who are drinking, but I still always leave myself an out. If you are going to meet up with your friends tomorrow, make sure you leave yourself an escape route, a reason you need to leave early.

You will always find lots of support on here. Join the October of 2017 class, and check in with the 24 hour thread each day as well,Nyah will find lots of support on both sites.

Looking forward to seeing you on here Runner!

Runner4034

Thanks for sharing your story and your advice.
I'm glad to hear that you have found it easy to be in social situations where people are drinking, and that it actually helps keep you strong. That's comforting to hear. Hoping to get to that point soon myself. And congrats on 7 weeks!

Linners820

I relate to this too, especially what Downthepath said about not wanting to give ppl the impression you're a raging alcoholic. I understand not having to owe any sort of explanation to anyone, but I also get not wanting ppl to jump to conclusions.
At this stage of the game, I feel unsure of the label thing too, but my drinking was becoming unhealthy and problematic. I recognized it, which is good I guess, but I'd prefer not to broadcast it.

In the past I didn't drink every time I went out with friends, for various reasons. Sometimes I just wasn't in the mood, so I'd simply say "I don't feel like it." I get bad sinus headaches and know from experience alcohol makes them worse, so if that was the case I'd say that. I never really had anyone make me feel weird about it, now that I give it some thought, but I guess ppl are curious.

I think that if you want to give a reason, you could say what I'm planning on saying, which is the truth--"alcohol started making me feel like crap".

Soberwolf

Hi Runner

KES06

Runner,
If you are serious about quitting, I'd maybe skip this "Sunday Funday" if drinking is what it is all about. You sound as if you're vascillating between quitting and taking a break. If you are not 100% ready to quit, there's a good chance you'll end up drinking at this get together. I had to avoid drinking situations for awhile once I quit. Too much temptation, and also the weird feeling of being the only one sober during a party or get together.
Regardless, SR is a great support system. Welcome! And let us know how it goes.

August252015

Welcome Runner!

Stronger2017

Hi runner! I can relate to your post. This site has been really useful for helping me to quit drinking. I only have 34 days but my mindset has really been changed from active participation. I really hope it can help you as much as it's been helping me. Good luck😀

AM100

I am new here as well and can relate to this. All of my friends and our activities either revolve around drinking or include it.

To my disappointment, I've found myself avoiding them and have to come up with cumbersome excuses to do so. Most of my friends are extroverts, myself I walk the line of being an introvert. While I make my living in an industry that requires relationships and constant interactions, the older I get the more I find that I need solitude to recoup mental energy. To them, this is a weird phenomenon as they're personalities feed of other's energy, this is something that was already a struggle for me, now it's exasperated by my decision to stop drinking and the further avoidance it's created.

My only advice is to remember your future and health rests in your hands only, they can't affect it for you. At the end of the day you have to take care of your well being. If they come to accept it that's great, if not they may not longer fit in to your daily existence.

No one likes to loose friends but it's even worse to lose physical or mental health, or at worst life it's self.

eyes99

Tell them you’re on an antibiotic. It would be better to skip the event, but since you’re determine to go, I’d just lie until I was ready to share the truth. By that point, maybe you’ll have a better sense of who you want to share with.

ReadyAtLast

I would also skip the day time drinking event - which is what it is.

I have no interest in hanging round with drinkers. im only at 41 days now but no way could I sit around in pub all day with people drinking. And I wouldn't want to.

Yes we do lose friends along the way but the benefits are so much greater. Ask yourself are these true friends or just drinking buddies? If they get angry or annoyed( I know what you mean) at you not drinking it's probably the latter.

What have you got to lose by going? Your sobriety.
You've a lot to gain by not going.

tiffanyeagle

to thine own self be true.
call out sick of sunday funday and or go to a juice bar and for a run instead?
we are still fun on sunday without alcohol btw.

Linners820

Don't mean to hijack the thread but I relate to this also. I enjoy being around people to some extent but find that after a period of doing so I need time to "recharge my batteries". The job I previously held required a ton of people contact in a somewhat chaotic environment. It wasn't the best match for me. I heard something once about how it's hard to being an introvert in an extroverted world, and I do feel that way a lot. But, I'm me, and (most days lol) I'm ok with that.

ReadyAtLast

I'm exactly the same.