me1489

Eww!! Been back here lurking the last few weeks. Half heart knowing I was back in square one and knowing I would be posting soon but had been managing too just about survive the couple days depression, somehow get the money together and do it again a week later when feeling normal and saying I will cop on and be that guy who can say he is going for a few pints and literally do it.
We just arent able tho are we? Basically it has been consisting of going out sometimes after work with 2 hours left in the night before closing, sometimes later and racking up bills between alcohol and cocaine. This week was rock bottom tho. It has started going into the next day too get through the day, get rid of that sick feeling but this week I rang in sick too work and racked up a load more bills which I cant afford and having too get a loan too cover.
I am that guy that thinks hes cool maybe? Really generous, lives a champagene lifestyle on a lemonade budget that everbody sees coming and uses and abuses. Hate how much hurt its cost those closest too me. My fiancee and child,,I dont visit any other family as I work a lot and if I dont end up out on my day off, I am no use too anybody absolutely dying and hating life on the chair.
Sorry about the mispellings, making myself just post this off my phone in order too make myself stop lurking and just post. This just cant go on any further. Health problems I need checked and if not putting them off because I have used, I put it too tge back like everything and everyone else in my life.
Remembering my 120 or so days before and how life, money, life was so much better and clearer. Place I was attending too talk too people said I was fine and no longer needed their service, remember vaguely slowing down on posting here and well rest of the months/yr whatever it was is pretty much history

SnazzyDresser

By choosing not to drink in the future, you can make your own good luck. You're in control, nothing else.

Dee74

welcoem back Me1489

I think we make our own lick in recovery.
Think about what you can do differently this time - it might be somethign you've never tried before, or something you only gave a token effort to in the past.

Any ideas?
D

Anna

I think it does get worse and worse. I hope you decide to stop this today. You had 120 days and felt good, and you can do it again. Be the person you want to be.

August252015

For me, it is not about luck at all. It's about choice, every day, and a relationship with my higher power.