In a black mood. Bought 2 bottles.
 

I really don't know what is wrong with me today. I know I am really anxious about the upcoming car repayment. My neighbour is still treating me like shift. I haven't been to AA yet. Always too scared to show up. Just feel enveloped in a cloud of doom. I need to write a will and my daughter can't even bother to get back to me about leaving her my car. I am truly devastated that after waiting years for them to grow up and think for themselves, nothing has changed. I don't believe I was that bad a mother. It seems pointless leaving them my house but I honestly have noone else to leave it too. They don't even want it from what I have heard. I try to be a good person and do the right thing but it always backfires. I have to face the fact I may never see them again. They are 16 and 18 now. I beat myself up all the time of where I went wrong such as not cooking them nice meals, not being fully present etc. How can life be so unforgiving?. Hope the wine improves my mood. Such a dark day.

Hi sweetichick

I think the more you look to change your mood or solve your problems with drink, the more you're going to be stuck exactly where you are now...or worse.

I'd dump the booze and go to a meeting. Honestly.

I needed to make an effort to change - no one else could do it for me, and no one else can do the work for you.

If you're depressed all the time - see your Dr.
Drinking will just make your emotional state worse.

D

Hello Sweetiechick, I totally understand how down you're feeling but please don't drink the wine. You'll just feel so much worse later and the cycle will repeat itself.

Your children may see the contact about making your will as an attempt to guilt a response out of them on your terms. Likewise, saying that you hope the wine improves your mood - do you really expect a reply of "Yeah, I hope so too"?

These, along with the recurring drama with your neighbor, are just distractions from sorting out the root issue that we're here to support: alcoholism, and the havoc it (and we) wreaks on our lives. Taking ownership of how I interact with people and my responsibility for my actions went a long way in helping sobriety "stick" this time.

Pour it out, and stick with SR. Change is possible!

Ok Dee and Stronger. You have convinced me. I will dump the wine and have a rest. I found an Àa meeting

You're worried about being unable to pay the car repayment.
You're allowing your neighbour to stay in your life and treat you badly.
You haven't been to AA.
You feel sorry for yourself.
You buy wine.
And repeat.

And repeat. nothing will change unless and until you make changes. People have given you so much advice and tried to help but can't do this for you. Only you can make the changes.

All the other stuff will continue to be troubling with wine. You know this deep down. We can only start to sort our problems out once we stop drinking and face life.

Hi Sweetichick , I have been following your posts all along and while you sometimes feel upbeat and positive you slip back into these depressions .
In my opinion while SR is brilliant for support you need someone face to face to talk to . I don't know how your system works where you are . in UK if this were me I would be asking my GP for an emergency psychiatric appointment to see if you can get to the bottom of all this .
You know fine well that the 2 bottles of wine will not help anything ,it never does . Were all on your side and all been through hell and know how you feel . Please can you arrange a visit with a doctor .

Sweetichick, I'd suggest that you make a decision to stop listening to the melodrama that your AV is spinning for you.

1) Read back your old posts - you have never relapsed yet and been happy about it / said it was positive for you. This time would not be either.

2) You don't need anyone to respond about leaving them a car - for a start off, unless you're expecting an imminent end to your life, it's likely to be a wreck by the time you pop your clogs. And for another thing you can just write your will, bequeath what you want to them and they'll get it when the time comes. Regardless of whether they get back to you now.

3) If you continue to **** your life away there will be nothing t leave them anyway, and likelihood is, if all they've seen are relapses, why would they be getting excited about it.

4) If you want to make THEM happy, pour the poison away, stay sober, and get yourself to a meeting so you can learn how to live life sober n a way that is comfortable and sustainable.

5) If you want to make YOURSELF happy, pour the poison away, stay sober, and get yourself to a meeting so you can learn how to live life sober n a way that is comfortable and sustainable.

6) has your neighbour acted like this before? If so, why do expect him to be any different now? Maybe look at your expectations of him - adjust those. (You can't adjust HIM).

7) You are quick to list all the problems - your kids, your will, your neighbour, your car repayments, etc. They in themselves are beyond your control. But the REAL problem - the thing that makes all those actions and relationships so complicated is your drinking. And you have the choice right now to continue living in the problem but starting another binge / relapse, or to tip that wine away and continue working on your sobriety and recovery. With sobriety and recovery you will be far more able to manage those other things, in time! It is no quick fix - because there really ARE no quick fixes.

Praying you'll stop this insanity and step out of the vortex SC.

BB

That's a great idea ditching the booze and going to a meeting Sweetichick👍

I'm really glad sweetichick - I hope you follow through tonight :)

D

Don't know what to say. A lot of honest truth there. I just wanted to leave my brand new car to someone who would appreciate it. No guilt intended. My neighbour has locked himself in his house today watching kinky porn. He told me that. I'm not invited and don't want to be. He is sad as well.
I will let go of the will thing. Just let it turn out however. I feel like I won't make it another year though.

I felt that way too sweetichick - but that was 10 years ago.

Today I'm happier than I could have dreamt of back then.

No reason why you can't get sober and stay that way and live a long and fulfilled life :)

D

Leave the car and house to me if your children don’t want it!!!

I understand the desire to relieve all of this anxiety with alcohol - that’s what we do as alcoholics. I hope one day you can fight these urges and be confident to cope with life’s problems without the alcohol. It’s difficult but doable.

SC. If this is about wanting to leave your car and house to your kids, then you can just sort your will out so that's what will happen in the event of your death. They don't need to be part of the will writing.

If it is about wanting to be appreciated by your kids, then perhaps the answer isn't anything to do with wills. What do you think they really want from you? My guess would be a sober and present mum who they don't need to worry about.

As far as your neighbour goes, he's sad and looking to porn for instant gratification. That's HIS look out. Focussing on his addictions and problems won't ease or remove your own. First things first SC.

BB

Thanks B B. You speak commonsense as always

I really don't know what is wrong with me today.

very simple:untreated alcoholism.

solutions are plentiful.

Groundhog day.....groundhog day......groundhog day......groundhog day......

Nothing changes for you.. if YOU are not willing to change it. End of story.

I've followed some of your threads and have to ask; What is it with this 'neighbor/friend'? Are you actually a bit too emotionally invested in this 'relationship' and keep using him as an excuse to drink? Because as far as I'm concerned, my neighbors can do whatever they want as long as it doesn't affect me and mine. Why the mental investment in this guy? Doesn't he also have a girlfriend?

Only thing I wanted to add is 16 and 18 yr olds don't know what the hell they want lol that's teenagers! They are infuriating and often self absorbed. I hope you ditched the wine, solving problems is so much harder with a hangover.

How you feeling now Sweetie? Hope that mood lifted and you managed to get to that meeting for a good dose of experience, strength and hope.

BB