Cuckoo

Being as I have this rotten bug I am not doing much of anything and find myself thinking on things........
I feel terrible guilt and shame on my daughter and for her earlier years. I dont think I have been a bad mum but I have embarrassed her on many more occassions than I can probably remember and I know that her friends used to pass comment when she was younger. I was always the drunkest mum wherever/whenever and I fully accept that.
I have and continue to be 100% supportive of her and will help her in any way I can regardless of what it involves.
I just cant shake off the crushing guilt I feel sometimes and I absolutely know that she hates seeing a huge glass of wine in my hand. She is a different girl around me when I am not drinking which is one of my motivations to kick this ridiculous obsession in to touch.
I am sure I am not alone in this but that sure doesnt make it any easier 😞
C

decchemist

I was the same with my elder son Cuckoo. He even wanted to leave home because of my drinking. He's 19. Since I quit (82 days) it's like we have started again, our relationship is much improved and for that I am grateful. The same will happen for you I'm sure.

Cuckoo

Thank you decchemist, thats so good to hear. Once they start getting older we cant fool them anymore.
How can I tell my seventeen year old daughter to be careful in bars and clubs when I am worse than a teenager myself.
I feel I have wasted so much time, although maybe she doesnt see it like that....I sincerely hope not.
So pleased that you and your son are back on track, the time is so precious.
C

decchemist

It is a worry but all we can do is be there for them. I started by simply saying sorry to my son and told him I'd made mistakes but from now on things would be different. He was good about it and thanked me for the apology. Now all I have to do is stay sober. 😀

FreeOwl

One of the greatest parts of sobriety is being free from the burden of shame.....

Being free to be a person of integrity. A person people can trust. A person our loved ones can look to for consistency and love and presence and conscious relationship.

Cuckoo

Amen to all of the above
C

Hevyn

Hi Cuckoo. I'm glad you wanted to talk about this.

I had the same regrets - in fact, remorse & guilt kept me drinking long after I knew I needed to stop. I realize that makes no sense - but for a while I couldn't face up to the painful memories. I was never cruel or abusive, but certainly not at my best most of the time. Sloppy and foggy - unpredictable. I had to start forgiving myself - or I would just have continued on the same road to destruction. I decided I was going to get myself straightened out, hold my head up high, and show everyone (especially my son) the authentic me - the one I knew in my heart I really was. Oddly enough, my grown son claims to not even remember most of the bad stuff - and he says my behavior didn't impact him the way I think it did. I suspect he's just being kind - but we have a great relationship now.

Glad you are here, Cuckoo.

Anna

My daughter was 16 when I started drinking and 19 when I stopped. She stopped speaking to me pretty much, and when I stopped drinking, I knew I had my work cut out for me. I knew it was not going to be easy or quick to change her mind and it wasn't. But, I persisted and she came around. I still continue, on a daily basis, to make amends to her and my son, in any way I can. And, I always will. The upside: when my daughter had her first child, I was the first person she allowed to care for him while she was away. I am so, so grateful.

It's worth stopping drinking, and your relationship with your daughter can improve. It may not be what you dreamed of, but it can be good, if you stop drinking.

Cuckoo

Jeesloiuse.....

So true, what more can I say ??
Thanks everyone

Cuckoo

It would help if I could spell Louise !!!