Saying sorry and good-bye to friends
Saying sorry and good-bye to friends
I have been trying to say sorry and good-bye to my friends that I have hurt with my drinking. Not face to face, but electronically. It's all that I can do right now. I didn't think it would be this hard. I told them that I was sorry and that I wouldn't bother them with my drama anymore. I told others that I dumped them because they didn't support me, but in reality it was my drinking that caused all the problems. It's really hard to face the fact that I no longer have my best friends. They had nothing to do with my problems. Some of them hardly drank at all. I don't know why I had to end it permanently, but I can't take it back now. Besides my family, I hardly have anyone left. I guess I thought that they would tell me that it's okay and we can still be friends, but they didn't. I guess I'm just feeling sorry for myself. I'm going to miss them.
Give it time -- stay sober and if they were ever genuine friends, they'll be back
I think we all go through a period of self-punishment, when we first quit, I certainly did.
Hang in there
I think we all go through a period of self-punishment, when we first quit, I certainly did.
Hang in there
I think sometimes we can get a little all or nothing.
I think there's a good chance, given time, and you really committing to staying sober that you'll be able to mend some of these fences MagnumCat
How long have you been sober now?
D
I think there's a good chance, given time, and you really committing to staying sober that you'll be able to mend some of these fences MagnumCat
How long have you been sober now?
D
Would you all hate me if I told you that I haven't quit yet. All my friends and family think that I quit in July. It was one of those morning afters when you would say anything to get out of ****. But in reality, I want October 10th to be my day 1. So, I guess I'm jumping the gun by dumping everybody. But, what's done is done.
No-one hates you You've signed up to SR and you're posting, so it's obviously 'in you', do to something about it all. October 10th, sounds like a good idea, but why not bite the bullet, as they say and go for it now? We'll all be right here with you.
Might be an idea, not to make any more drastic life changes, until you have at least a few sober days behind you though
Might be an idea, not to make any more drastic life changes, until you have at least a few sober days behind you though
I'm in Canada and October 9th is our Thanksgiving. It's also the last day we spend at our summer home with our summer friends. To me, it's like a January 1st. A time to start new with a new routine. I know I should start now, but I want it to be a day that I pick. I'm hoping that 5 or 10 years from now when I get the guts to tell my husband that I didn't quit when he thought I did, that the couple months won't make a huge difference. If I tell him now, it will.
My advice is not to wait til the tenth - you can spend years putting things off...
'why stop now. it'll be Xmas soon...'
The longer you wait the harder it will get.
you can make this Thanksgiving special and meaningful. Stay sober for it
D
'why stop now. it'll be Xmas soon...'
The longer you wait the harder it will get.
you can make this Thanksgiving special and meaningful. Stay sober for it
D
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 66
Would you all hate me if I told you that I haven't quit yet. All my friends and family think that I quit in July. It was one of those morning afters when you would say anything to get out of ****. But in reality, I want October 10th to be my day 1. So, I guess I'm jumping the gun by dumping everybody. But, what's done is done.
No moralising no hating we have all been there. Get AF build your recovery find who you are what you feel before saying sorry. I am in AA and I don't totally agree with it all with respect to God stuff, but there are some valuable truths and advice about how we should behave and live.
I went to meetings every day in first 2 months, they really did help remove any desire I had to drink then. I now go once or twice a week and am following my version of the steps.
I would advise going to AA the day you stop and keeping going everyday until you are comfortable AF. Only once you have done AA step 4 consider apologies and amends.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 66
I'm in Canada and October 9th is our Thanksgiving. It's also the last day we spend at our summer home with our summer friends. To me, it's like a January 1st. A time to start new with a new routine. I know I should start now, but I want it to be a day that I pick. I'm hoping that 5 or 10 years from now when I get the guts to tell my husband that I didn't quit when he thought I did, that the couple months won't make a huge difference. If I tell him now, it will.
I remember thinking I was hiding it SO well - but then wandered off to the bathroom and took my 'orange juice' with me - I mean who does that??
Unless there's a risk of violence, physical or emotional, then I would honestly fess up - he's probably waiting for you to do that.
x
Aww magnum, I relate to your post so much (as lots of others no doubt do also).
I've lost good friends because of my drinking. I also retained better friends who put themselves on my shoes and tried to understand my harsh journey.
And I have also gained some awesome friends since having 9 months of sobriety.
Life evolves, friendships come and go for various reasons.
Being an alcoholic I am soft on the approach that you lost friends because you were unwell, mentally and physically. They couldn't put themselves in your shoes and the friendship dissipates. It's ok though.
You will meet more friends during your life. Just be kind to yourself. You're not a bad person, you are ill. And this illness is a d$ck! Positive self talk is helping me. Takes work and a bit of time but you keep talking positive to your inner self and you start believing it. It's freaky
xx
Edit: I should also write that I have slipped up. A couple of times. And currently slipping so I know how hard this fight is, but I keep fighting. Don't ever quit trying to quit hunny!
I've lost good friends because of my drinking. I also retained better friends who put themselves on my shoes and tried to understand my harsh journey.
And I have also gained some awesome friends since having 9 months of sobriety.
Life evolves, friendships come and go for various reasons.
Being an alcoholic I am soft on the approach that you lost friends because you were unwell, mentally and physically. They couldn't put themselves in your shoes and the friendship dissipates. It's ok though.
You will meet more friends during your life. Just be kind to yourself. You're not a bad person, you are ill. And this illness is a d$ck! Positive self talk is helping me. Takes work and a bit of time but you keep talking positive to your inner self and you start believing it. It's freaky
xx
Edit: I should also write that I have slipped up. A couple of times. And currently slipping so I know how hard this fight is, but I keep fighting. Don't ever quit trying to quit hunny!
I agree that today is the day to quit.
I truly hope nothing bad happens to you, but this trajectory of deceit, secrecy, self-pity and pushing everyone away is very dangerous to people like us. It gives the addiction a nice warm place to gather strength. It gets you alone and away from those who care. This is your addiction talking.
Some call it your Alcoholic Voice. It is not you - it is a liar and a thief and it wants to see you dead. It's not a friend in your head. It is the enemy.
I truly hope nothing bad happens to you, but this trajectory of deceit, secrecy, self-pity and pushing everyone away is very dangerous to people like us. It gives the addiction a nice warm place to gather strength. It gets you alone and away from those who care. This is your addiction talking.
Some call it your Alcoholic Voice. It is not you - it is a liar and a thief and it wants to see you dead. It's not a friend in your head. It is the enemy.
know what kiddo .. I forgive you. hug you tight.. hold your hand ...pass a cup of coffee to you.. we may never see each other ever.. but you put this in your Heart and mind and hold it tight.. Every one here is on your side watches your back and keeps you in their prayers..... now a Punch in the arm and time for a run in the fresh air... Wisconsin...
Thank you for the wake up call! I've been thinking, "Why doesn't he know I'm doing this. If it was the other way around, I would have caught him a million times." Now I'm paranoid! He has even ordered a breathalyzer through Amazon. Don't get me wrong, I really do want to do this. It's really hard to lye to those you love.
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