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Saying sorry and good-bye to friends

Old 10-03-2017, 10:18 PM
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Saying sorry and good-bye to friends

I have been trying to say sorry and good-bye to my friends that I have hurt with my drinking. Not face to face, but electronically. It's all that I can do right now. I didn't think it would be this hard. I told them that I was sorry and that I wouldn't bother them with my drama anymore. I told others that I dumped them because they didn't support me, but in reality it was my drinking that caused all the problems. It's really hard to face the fact that I no longer have my best friends. They had nothing to do with my problems. Some of them hardly drank at all. I don't know why I had to end it permanently, but I can't take it back now. Besides my family, I hardly have anyone left. I guess I thought that they would tell me that it's okay and we can still be friends, but they didn't. I guess I'm just feeling sorry for myself. I'm going to miss them.
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Old 10-03-2017, 10:23 PM
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Give it time -- stay sober and if they were ever genuine friends, they'll be back

I think we all go through a period of self-punishment, when we first quit, I certainly did.

Hang in there
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Old 10-03-2017, 10:29 PM
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I think sometimes we can get a little all or nothing.

I think there's a good chance, given time, and you really committing to staying sober that you'll be able to mend some of these fences MagnumCat

How long have you been sober now?

D
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Old 10-03-2017, 10:44 PM
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Would you all hate me if I told you that I haven't quit yet. All my friends and family think that I quit in July. It was one of those morning afters when you would say anything to get out of ****. But in reality, I want October 10th to be my day 1. So, I guess I'm jumping the gun by dumping everybody. But, what's done is done.
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Old 10-03-2017, 10:58 PM
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No-one hates you You've signed up to SR and you're posting, so it's obviously 'in you', do to something about it all. October 10th, sounds like a good idea, but why not bite the bullet, as they say and go for it now? We'll all be right here with you.

Might be an idea, not to make any more drastic life changes, until you have at least a few sober days behind you though
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Old 10-03-2017, 10:59 PM
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Iím not going to be upset with you. You, not me, are the one who has to struggle with all of the consequences of drinking. All the best!
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Old 10-03-2017, 11:09 PM
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I'm in Canada and October 9th is our Thanksgiving. It's also the last day we spend at our summer home with our summer friends. To me, it's like a January 1st. A time to start new with a new routine. I know I should start now, but I want it to be a day that I pick. I'm hoping that 5 or 10 years from now when I get the guts to tell my husband that I didn't quit when he thought I did, that the couple months won't make a huge difference. If I tell him now, it will.
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Old 10-03-2017, 11:57 PM
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My advice is not to wait til the tenth - you can spend years putting things off...

'why stop now. it'll be Xmas soon...'


The longer you wait the harder it will get.

you can make this Thanksgiving special and meaningful. Stay sober for it

D
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Old 10-04-2017, 01:21 AM
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Originally Posted by MagnumCat View Post
Would you all hate me if I told you that I haven't quit yet. All my friends and family think that I quit in July. It was one of those morning afters when you would say anything to get out of ****. But in reality, I want October 10th to be my day 1. So, I guess I'm jumping the gun by dumping everybody. But, what's done is done.
Making amends is an important step in recovery at AA and it is for you to clean the slate within yourself and free yourself of guilt and shame of past wrongs. Being truthful to yourself and others is for your own self respect and necessary to maintain recovery. Lying about things is part of the alcoholic behaviour.

No moralising no hating we have all been there. Get AF build your recovery find who you are what you feel before saying sorry. I am in AA and I don't totally agree with it all with respect to God stuff, but there are some valuable truths and advice about how we should behave and live.

I went to meetings every day in first 2 months, they really did help remove any desire I had to drink then. I now go once or twice a week and am following my version of the steps.

I would advise going to AA the day you stop and keeping going everyday until you are comfortable AF. Only once you have done AA step 4 consider apologies and amends.
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Old 10-04-2017, 01:37 AM
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Originally Posted by MagnumCat View Post
I'm in Canada and October 9th is our Thanksgiving. It's also the last day we spend at our summer home with our summer friends. To me, it's like a January 1st. A time to start new with a new routine. I know I should start now, but I want it to be a day that I pick. I'm hoping that 5 or 10 years from now when I get the guts to tell my husband that I didn't quit when he thought I did, that the couple months won't make a huge difference. If I tell him now, it will.
If your husband is with you he will able to smell it and is just keeping quiet. I have heard many AA shares from recovered alcoholics who retell stories of pretend recoveries and how they weren't fooling anybody.
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Old 10-04-2017, 01:48 AM
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Originally Posted by stephengb View Post
If your husband is with you he will able to smell it and is just keeping quiet. I have heard many AA shares from recovered alcoholics who retell stories of pretend recoveries and how they weren't fooling anybody.
Have to agree with this 100% - He knows x
I remember thinking I was hiding it SO well - but then wandered off to the bathroom and took my 'orange juice' with me - I mean who does that??
Unless there's a risk of violence, physical or emotional, then I would honestly fess up - he's probably waiting for you to do that.
x
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Old 10-04-2017, 03:59 AM
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Aww magnum, I relate to your post so much (as lots of others no doubt do also).
I've lost good friends because of my drinking. I also retained better friends who put themselves on my shoes and tried to understand my harsh journey.
And I have also gained some awesome friends since having 9 months of sobriety.
Life evolves, friendships come and go for various reasons.
Being an alcoholic I am soft on the approach that you lost friends because you were unwell, mentally and physically. They couldn't put themselves in your shoes and the friendship dissipates. It's ok though.
You will meet more friends during your life. Just be kind to yourself. You're not a bad person, you are ill. And this illness is a d$ck! Positive self talk is helping me. Takes work and a bit of time but you keep talking positive to your inner self and you start believing it. It's freaky
xx
Edit: I should also write that I have slipped up. A couple of times. And currently slipping so I know how hard this fight is, but I keep fighting. Don't ever quit trying to quit hunny!
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Old 10-04-2017, 04:13 AM
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Today is the best day in which to stay sober.

Why add to the wreckage of our past?

M-Bob
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Old 10-04-2017, 06:13 AM
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Originally Posted by MagnumCat View Post
A time to start new with a new routine. I know I should start now, but I want it to be a day that I pick.
i truly hope you dont make sobriety/recovery all on your terms.
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Old 10-04-2017, 06:25 AM
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I agree that today is the day to quit.

I truly hope nothing bad happens to you, but this trajectory of deceit, secrecy, self-pity and pushing everyone away is very dangerous to people like us. It gives the addiction a nice warm place to gather strength. It gets you alone and away from those who care. This is your addiction talking.

Some call it your Alcoholic Voice. It is not you - it is a liar and a thief and it wants to see you dead. It's not a friend in your head. It is the enemy.
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Old 10-04-2017, 07:48 AM
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Saying I'm sorry.

Maybe best they not pay attention to my lips
and keep their eyes on my feet.
M-Bob
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Old 10-04-2017, 08:02 AM
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know what kiddo .. I forgive you. hug you tight.. hold your hand ...pass a cup of coffee to you.. we may never see each other ever.. but you put this in your Heart and mind and hold it tight.. Every one here is on your side watches your back and keeps you in their prayers..... now a Punch in the arm and time for a run in the fresh air... Wisconsin...
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Old 10-04-2017, 04:34 PM
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Thank you for the wake up call! I've been thinking, "Why doesn't he know I'm doing this. If it was the other way around, I would have caught him a million times." Now I'm paranoid! He has even ordered a breathalyzer through Amazon. Don't get me wrong, I really do want to do this. It's really hard to lye to those you love.
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Old 10-04-2017, 05:26 PM
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I think it would be a better idea to quit drinking and reestablish all those relations you have, sober. Then to throw in the towel and decide to throw your life away to alcohol.
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Old 10-04-2017, 08:44 PM
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I see you are also in Calgary. I don't think all the SNOW we got on Monday helps ones spirit. Hang in there...we are in for a nice weekend. Happy Thanksgiving!
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