Everyone will think I'm pregnant
 

Hey again, sorry if I am posting a lot today but I find this place is really helpful for all the little things coming up.
I knew my best friend was preggo when she cancelled on new years because she never passes an opportunity to party. Unfortunately I'm a bit of the same and I'm just at that right age and married that refusing drinks will pretty much cause a lot of talking. What should I say? I'm not planning on making a big thing of being sober outside of myself and my husband. I was thinking of just saying I want to avoid drinking after my cousin passed (he is the same age as me) but even that is a very personal place for me. Biggest people I'm worried about is the in-laws because we always have drinks together.

"No, thanks" always works for me.

Remember you don't owe anyone an explanation as to why you are drinking or not. :)

Anna is right, there could be a whole host of reasons why you choose not to drink, none of which are anyone's business.

I thought everyone would be so interested in why I wasn't drinking but in reality apart from a few odd comments people aren't really that interested.

"Everyone will think I'm pregnant"
let em. ive heard gossip about me then add stuff to it and send it back out. :)

" What should I say?"

as Anna said, no thanks works great.
if asked why, howz about,"because i said so."???????

gonna rephrase something:
" Biggest people I'm worried about is the in-laws because we USED TO have drinks together."
if anyone has a problem with me not drinking
they have a problem,not me.

Great advice from Anna and the same advice I received from Anna and Dee only a few days ago and they are so right,you don’t need to explain anything to anyone.

In addition I believe in early recovery this can be one of the things that is daunting for a lot of people so some other suggestions below in case they are of help.

Take the car when you can (if you drive** always a solid reason not to drink.

You are not drinking because you are concentrating on your health (absolutely not a lie)

You have an early start, work commitment or important thing happening the next day and you want a clear head (also not a lie, your imporant thing is your sobriety!)

You are just fed up of drinking, have done it a lot for a long time and have decided to do things without it (also not a lie)

All the best

There are alo worse things that they can think about you!
" What other people think about you is none of your business!"

Great advice already given so I don't have much to add other than to pile on.

The big perspective is that if you think you have a problem, solving it, meaning not drinking, is far more important than caring about people think. As somebody upthread already mentioned if that's the worst of the fall out then it's a non issue. And if you want to get more assertive and state that you're not drinking for whatever reason, including the truth, those that are you true friends will support, possibly with a little pushback at first, but once you get past the initial "wave" you will be fine.

Main message is, "Don't care about what other people think."

It's true. I just want to be prepared when it comes up so I don't make a dumb choice to avoid feeling awkward or uncomfortable. I know I shouldn't care what they think but I do and I think that's something that's gonna take time for me to get used to.
One of the biggest causes of my anxiety is the way people feel about me and perceive me and I believe it's the reason that I got so heavily into drinking in the first place. I would drink to not care and then the next day go down a spiral about all the dumb things I said. Ugh. What a monumental waste of time.
Anyways, all of this advice is amazing and I'm thankful to all of you for it. I have a lot to learn and I am ready to hear it.
Not drinking doesn't seem to be the end of the world to me anymore. I don't know when this changed but it probably has something to do with hanging around here for the last 2 years. :thanks

It’s totally understandable to be initially anxious about this.
We alcoholics or alcohol abusers or problem drinkers are so obsessed with drinking and how much it has come to define us and be part of our dna that now we are not drinking we put instant pressure on ourselves along with fear to explain ourselves or make up excuses as to why we are no longer drinking.

The truth is that normal drinkers are not obsessed like us and may either be supportive of your healthy choice or couldn’t give a rats ass if we drink or not and what our reasons may be.

When it comes to worrying about what people think or may say about you about drinking or anything for that matter I heard a client and friend of mine who is over 15 years in successful recovery say the following and it has always stuck with me on a profound level:

“Those that care don’t matter and those that matter don’t care”

It took me a while to understand all I needed to say was no thanks.

I thought, because I focused so much on drinking and found it very important, everyone else did too - but thats not very often the case,

Most times people won't care if I'm drinking soft drink, water or juice :)

D

I just had the chance to say my first "no thanks". The people gave me a double take look, and the conversation continued. Then I proceeded to watch as they created another nasty "tomorrow morning ". The longer they consumed the lower their heads hung. I actually felt bad for them, especially my co worker, we both had to get up early for a customer visit. I felt great and so did my " no thanks".

A few good options are:

I am driving.
I want to be up fresh in the morning.
Big day tomorrow at work
I want to take a long break
I don't feel like one

And the best: no thanks, not tonight


Etc

I don't think that your lack of drinking is gonna be the focal point of the event. Most people won't even notice.

"I'm a dick when I drink,huh? so I don't do that anymore." Is now my go to...

I once read " what other people think of me is their business " .
Enjoy your sobriety and try not jump to conclusions .

:You_Rock_

No thanks works 99% of the time. If they persist, I found being honest works the best (imagine that....lol). I simply say I'm a recovered alcoholic (or, when I was new, "recovering alcoholic") and I don't drink anymore.

Why dance around the truth, ya know? The bs stories and excuses were just temporary fixes and that person would inevitably try and push it on me again later. There's some real freedom in telling the truth - both for them AND for me. Telling the truth also got me to look at a pretty valid question - why was I so ashamed to be in recovery? What was I trying to hide? Why was I still trying to play God and manipulate everyone's opinion of me? .......wasn't that they type of behavior I exhibited IN the disease......and wouldn't it make sense to do the opposite in recovery?