First while of soberity is lonely
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 51
First while of soberity is lonely
Hi everyone. I’m at 10 days sober today. I am find though doing this a second time over after so many years is a lot harder.
My family is so weary of me I feel so uncomfortable there.
I’m so afraid of making even one mistake I’m saying yes too everything and then having too cancel on some people who relied on me because most important I don’t want to upset my family but then I cancel on third party n go n be with my family n yet feel so miserable because I know they r skepticial of me I know they r tired of this n I know they don’t trust me. It’s been difficult and right now my hands r shaking with anxiety thinking of it all with the mix of other things I am feeling. T
Thanks for listening I just need to get it out
My family is so weary of me I feel so uncomfortable there.
I’m so afraid of making even one mistake I’m saying yes too everything and then having too cancel on some people who relied on me because most important I don’t want to upset my family but then I cancel on third party n go n be with my family n yet feel so miserable because I know they r skepticial of me I know they r tired of this n I know they don’t trust me. It’s been difficult and right now my hands r shaking with anxiety thinking of it all with the mix of other things I am feeling. T
Thanks for listening I just need to get it out
Friendly Folk
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Powers Lake, Wisconsin
Posts: 21,698
Good that you let that out. My family protected me from stress so that I would not drink again. It was akward. I still relaped many times and been to rehabs and counceling. Destroyed alot of trust because alcoholics are liers and manipulative. Just be the best person you can be and give it time.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 155
I'm sorry you have this added stress on top of dealing with being newly sober. Try and be gentle with yourself there is nothing easy about this. Sounds like time is needed to build trust with your family. Surround yourself with people who are supportive and encouraging. If that is here online so be it. Anxiety sucks, hope you can find some ways to de-stress. Deep breathing, exercise and meditating sometimes help me.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,460
I think it's okay to be focusing on yourself at this point. Try not to worry too much about your friends and family and pleasing them right now. They all want you to be well and safe, so just focus on that. And, Congratulations on 10 days of sobriety.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
One of the things I found about just stopping drinking was that I had no basis of experience that things would get better. My life had been a series of failures in very area. I never seemed to be able to do the right thing. I was always letting people down. I was never happy, always disappointed in myself. That was my experience of not drinking, so every time I tried it I became fearful of failing and letting everyone down again, because I always had in the past. Just not drinking and waiting for time to heal this never worked. You could say I was hopeless. Nothing in my past experience led me to believe that I would make it this time.
The solution turned out to be gaining hope by learning from the experience of others who had found a way out. The results they were getting were very obvious, but they did not come from sitting and waiting. They came from a very specific program of action. Once I got on the same program, I became hopeful and that hope increased as I took the suggested actions and began to feel the benefits.
Some of the stuff I needed to do was painful, things I might rather have avoided, but i was willing to pay the price to get out of the misery. It worked, I recovered and have not taken a drink in a very long time.
The solution turned out to be gaining hope by learning from the experience of others who had found a way out. The results they were getting were very obvious, but they did not come from sitting and waiting. They came from a very specific program of action. Once I got on the same program, I became hopeful and that hope increased as I took the suggested actions and began to feel the benefits.
Some of the stuff I needed to do was painful, things I might rather have avoided, but i was willing to pay the price to get out of the misery. It worked, I recovered and have not taken a drink in a very long time.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 51
Originally Posted by Gottalife 
One of the things I found about just stopping drinking was that I had no basis of experience that things would get better. My life had been a series of failures in very area. I never seemed to be able to do the right thing. I was always letting people down. I was never happy, always disappointed in myself. That was my experience of not drinking, so every time I tried it I became fearful of failing and letting everyone down again, because I always had in the past. Just not drinking and waiting for time to heal this never worked. You could say I was hopeless. Nothing in my past experience led me to believe that I would make it this time.
The solution turned out to be gaining hope by learning from the experience of others who had found a way out. The results they were getting were very obvious, but they did not come from sitting and waiting. They came from a very specific program of action. Once I got on the same program, I became hopeful and that hope increased as I took the suggested actions and began to feel the benefits.
Some of the stuff I needed to do was painful, things I might rather have avoided, but i was willing to pay the price to get out of the misery. It worked, I recovered and have not taken a drink in a very long time.
The solution turned out to be gaining hope by learning from the experience of others who had found a way out. The results they were getting were very obvious, but they did not come from sitting and waiting. They came from a very specific program of action. Once I got on the same program, I became hopeful and that hope increased as I took the suggested actions and began to feel the benefits.
Some of the stuff I needed to do was painful, things I might rather have avoided, but i was willing to pay the price to get out of the misery. It worked, I recovered and have not taken a drink in a very long time.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
I remember how lonely I was drinking....
How despairing my life had quietly, secretly become....
In contrast, the lonely feelings of early sobriety were a different, more bearable sort.
Those genuine feelings, when FELT and acknowledged in sobriety, led me to a much better place in life.
You can do it.
How despairing my life had quietly, secretly become....
In contrast, the lonely feelings of early sobriety were a different, more bearable sort.
Those genuine feelings, when FELT and acknowledged in sobriety, led me to a much better place in life.
You can do it.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,298
It takes awhile for others to adjust their view of you to a non drinker. Especially family, because they have known you as a drinker for so long. BUT it will happen if you stay sober. Focus on your sobriety for now, it is the key factor to change.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Los Angeles, Ca
Posts: 535
Originally Posted by mielz
Hi everyone. I’m at 10 days sober today. I am find though doing this a second time over after so many years is a lot harder.
My family is so weary of me I feel so uncomfortable there.
I’m so afraid of making even one mistake I’m saying yes too everything and then having too cancel on some people who relied on me because most important I don’t want to upset my family but then I cancel on third party n go n be with my family n yet feel so miserable because I know they r skepticial of me I know they r tired of this n I know they don’t trust me. It’s been difficult and right now my hands r shaking with anxiety thinking of it all with the mix of other things I am feeling. T
Thanks for listening I just need to get it out
My family is so weary of me I feel so uncomfortable there.
I’m so afraid of making even one mistake I’m saying yes too everything and then having too cancel on some people who relied on me because most important I don’t want to upset my family but then I cancel on third party n go n be with my family n yet feel so miserable because I know they r skepticial of me I know they r tired of this n I know they don’t trust me. It’s been difficult and right now my hands r shaking with anxiety thinking of it all with the mix of other things I am feeling. T
Thanks for listening I just need to get it out
What we think and what we feel, are distinct drivers of our behavior. Epictetus noted some 2000 years ago that “it isn’t our circumstances, but our view of them, which creates our miseries."
The one good thing about being an addict is that we are in a position to better understand ourselves if we put forth the effort. Normal people almost never engage in serious introspection.
For example, my son was a heroin addict at 25, living on the street. Today, 5 years later, he is clean and sober and far, "Wiser," than his brothers and peers.
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