Had cravings
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 155
Had cravings
Hate weekends, they are hard. I'm realizing how much I used booze to combat boredom.
I'm bored and feeling resentful because we never do anything my husband and I or as a family. An outing is a trip to the grocery store. He's content right now sitting in front of the tv watching golf. I'm bored to tears and yay will go do some housework.
Ok yeah I know I shouldn't be relying on others for my happiness or entertainment.
Finances are tight which makes it hard too.
Meh just feeling irritable, annoyed, frustrated and like if I had wine I would feel that less and care less.
But I won't.only party I'm having is a pity party lol
I'm bored and feeling resentful because we never do anything my husband and I or as a family. An outing is a trip to the grocery store. He's content right now sitting in front of the tv watching golf. I'm bored to tears and yay will go do some housework.
Ok yeah I know I shouldn't be relying on others for my happiness or entertainment.
Finances are tight which makes it hard too.
Meh just feeling irritable, annoyed, frustrated and like if I had wine I would feel that less and care less.
But I won't.only party I'm having is a pity party lol
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
Use this as an opportunity to get out and try something new. Volunteer work in your community wouldn't cost anything and it would give you a chance to give back to your community. Or how about hiking or bike riding, whatever you might like to do? Maybe if you show your husband that you are out enjoying life, he will decide to join you. And, if not, at least you will have fun.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 155
Thanks Anna , I got up did some housework and the craving has subsided. I've always struggled with weekends. I used to start drinking midday until bedtime and then my weekends started becoming longer ..they began including 'wine Wednesday's' and 'thirsty Thursdays. Cute little nicknames given by the booze industry to normalize boozing it up and over indulgence but I digress..
I'm going to try and teach myself how to crochet hats lol it's the season! I can also go for a walk, start a new book, get some junk food and binge some Netflix lol, adult colouring book, look for a new iPad app etc.
Anything but drink.
I'm going to try and teach myself how to crochet hats lol it's the season! I can also go for a walk, start a new book, get some junk food and binge some Netflix lol, adult colouring book, look for a new iPad app etc.
Anything but drink.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
I can so relate. My husband and I used to drink together, at home usually. So when I got sober I realised we didn't really DO anything together, never went anywhere, never did anything, never any hobbies. Think the only place we ever went together was Lidl 
Getting sober really highlighted our differences.Can you start to do new things or new hobbies alone? I ended up doing that and created a whole new life for myself.
It made me realise that I really didn't want to spend the rest of my life with a man who never wanted to do anything with me or with us as a family. I used to spend days walking with a neighbour or go out for lunch with him. (with my husband's knowledge and happy consent-he was pleased to get me out of the house tbh ) One day I just woke up and thought what on earth am I doing with a man who I have nothing in common with and we do nothing together and sending half my time with another man who I love being with - although just as friends at that point. We separated soon after.
Fast forward 3 years and I am now divorced from my first husband and married to my neighbour and so happy. It is amazing what happens when we stop drinking.
#how long sober are you?
Getting sober really highlighted our differences.Can you start to do new things or new hobbies alone? I ended up doing that and created a whole new life for myself.
It made me realise that I really didn't want to spend the rest of my life with a man who never wanted to do anything with me or with us as a family. I used to spend days walking with a neighbour or go out for lunch with him. (with my husband's knowledge and happy consent-he was pleased to get me out of the house tbh ) One day I just woke up and thought what on earth am I doing with a man who I have nothing in common with and we do nothing together and sending half my time with another man who I love being with - although just as friends at that point. We separated soon after.
Fast forward 3 years and I am now divorced from my first husband and married to my neighbour and so happy. It is amazing what happens when we stop drinking.
#how long sober are you?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,246
Originally Posted by Mandy73 
Hate weekends, they are hard. I'm realizing how much I used booze to combat boredom.
I'm bored and feeling resentful because we never do anything my husband and I or as a family. An outing is a trip to the grocery store. He's content right now sitting in front of the tv watching golf. I'm bored to tears and yay will go do some housework.
Ok yeah I know I shouldn't be relying on others for my happiness or entertainment.
Finances are tight which makes it hard too.
Meh just feeling irritable, annoyed, frustrated and like if I had wine I would feel that less and care less.
But I won't.only party I'm having is a pity party lol
I'm bored and feeling resentful because we never do anything my husband and I or as a family. An outing is a trip to the grocery store. He's content right now sitting in front of the tv watching golf. I'm bored to tears and yay will go do some housework.
Ok yeah I know I shouldn't be relying on others for my happiness or entertainment.
Finances are tight which makes it hard too.
Meh just feeling irritable, annoyed, frustrated and like if I had wine I would feel that less and care less.
But I won't.only party I'm having is a pity party lol
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 155
Thank you for your thoughtful words. I have been sober for 18 days.
I do want to say I adore my husband, he is an amazing father, funny, sweet and caring. He treats me like gold and has always put me first. He works very hard to provide for our family. He doesn't drink at all never cared for it.
My only issue if I can even call it that is he is a bit too much of a homebody and we both have become increasingly lazy. Lol my drinking made that an easy routine. I didn't ask for much. A bottle of wine in front of the tv was more than ok, and gave him the opportunity to watch sports on another tv.
Now I've changed the rules and struggle with the time I used to spend drinking. I think there is room for compromise and discussion with my hubby, I was just feeling pissy prob cause I wanted to drink. Something we can work on, a little more time doing things together and me taking control of my own happiness as well and finding things I enjoy.
I felt guilty after I wrote it, that I was feeling resentful, really it was me feeling cravings for booze and expecting him to read my mind and fix it.
I do want to say I adore my husband, he is an amazing father, funny, sweet and caring. He treats me like gold and has always put me first. He works very hard to provide for our family. He doesn't drink at all never cared for it.
My only issue if I can even call it that is he is a bit too much of a homebody and we both have become increasingly lazy. Lol my drinking made that an easy routine. I didn't ask for much. A bottle of wine in front of the tv was more than ok, and gave him the opportunity to watch sports on another tv.
Now I've changed the rules and struggle with the time I used to spend drinking. I think there is room for compromise and discussion with my hubby, I was just feeling pissy prob cause I wanted to drink. Something we can work on, a little more time doing things together and me taking control of my own happiness as well and finding things I enjoy.
I felt guilty after I wrote it, that I was feeling resentful, really it was me feeling cravings for booze and expecting him to read my mind and fix it.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,438
There are some good ideas for cravings here Mandy
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-cravings.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-cravings.html
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,921
I'm bored and feeling resentful
if I had wine I would feel that less and care less.
Maybe your husband watches a lot of sports on TV because he has learned over time that you would rather catch a buzz with wine than interact with him?
Now that you've stopped drinking, do you think that he should immediately notice, and change his behavior to meet your needs?
The world doesn't revolve around you. Go to an AA meeting and listen, you may be surprised how much that can help
if I had wine I would feel that less and care less.
Maybe your husband watches a lot of sports on TV because he has learned over time that you would rather catch a buzz with wine than interact with him?
Now that you've stopped drinking, do you think that he should immediately notice, and change his behavior to meet your needs?
The world doesn't revolve around you. Go to an AA meeting and listen, you may be surprised how much that can help
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Mandy,
That is the whole thing about drinking.
It keeps us home, out of trouble, slowly frying our minds so that in the end we need meds to feel ok.
That is how I started. I could drink at home, save money, and "party."
Once we get good and clean, the obsessions will go away. We find other ways to live our life at home.
It took time for me to stabilize. I am still a bit jack up. It takes that long for some of us. Some of us never get out.
I pray that is not me.
Waking up sober everyday is a wonderful thing. I know the only reason I ever dealt with the hell of all of those horrid hangovers was because I was deeply physically and mentally addicted.
No more going back there.
Thanks.
That is the whole thing about drinking.
It keeps us home, out of trouble, slowly frying our minds so that in the end we need meds to feel ok.
That is how I started. I could drink at home, save money, and "party."
Once we get good and clean, the obsessions will go away. We find other ways to live our life at home.
It took time for me to stabilize. I am still a bit jack up. It takes that long for some of us. Some of us never get out.
I pray that is not me.
Waking up sober everyday is a wonderful thing. I know the only reason I ever dealt with the hell of all of those horrid hangovers was because I was deeply physically and mentally addicted.
No more going back there.
Thanks.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 155
Originally Posted by Zebra1275
I'm bored and feeling resentful
if I had wine I would feel that less and care less.
Maybe your husband watches a lot of sports on TV because he has learned over time that you would rather catch a buzz with wine than interact with him?
Now that you've stopped drinking, do you think that he should immediately notice, and change his behavior to meet your needs?
The world doesn't revolve around you. Go to an AA meeting and listen, you may be surprised how much that can help
if I had wine I would feel that less and care less.
Maybe your husband watches a lot of sports on TV because he has learned over time that you would rather catch a buzz with wine than interact with him?
Now that you've stopped drinking, do you think that he should immediately notice, and change his behavior to meet your needs?
The world doesn't revolve around you. Go to an AA meeting and listen, you may be surprised how much that can help
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Originally Posted by Mandy73
Your comments are extremely rude. I was looking for a bit of support and a safe place to vent. I acknowledged that I was feeling that way due to cravings as I'm very new to sobriety. Making mean spirited rude comments does NOT help a person who is maybe quite fragile and struggling in early sobriety. Maybe you could attend an AA meeting and learn how better to support others who are struggling instead of tear them down.
AA is not the only way to sobriety for sure. I think many AA folks would agree that the "kick in the mouth" method of help should be used sparingly and after other methods are exhausted.
I have used the "tough love" technique before, but I when the tables were turned, I hated it. I don't want to use it directly anymore.
There are many many folks here that will offer advice without hurting you Mandy.
Hang in there.
Thanks.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,438
I'm sorry you were upset Mandy.
I know Zebra pretty well after many years here and I'm sure his intent was not to hurt you or anyone else.
I know you're new too, but I'll put this up to let you know - and to remind members with more time who may have forgotten.
If anyone has a problem with a post, the best thing to do is report it. Use the little red and white triangle on the offending post
You can also add a particular user to your ignore list which means you won't see their posts anymore.
I'd also like to remind everyone that recovery method debates are not allowed in this forum.
Dee
Moderator
SR
I know Zebra pretty well after many years here and I'm sure his intent was not to hurt you or anyone else.
I know you're new too, but I'll put this up to let you know - and to remind members with more time who may have forgotten.
If anyone has a problem with a post, the best thing to do is report it. Use the little red and white triangle on the offending post
You can also add a particular user to your ignore list which means you won't see their posts anymore.
Ignore bothersome members. If there is someone on the forum that bothers you, select the Ignore option on the drop down menu under their name on the post. You won't see any posts from this member again.
Please Read! The Newcomers Forum is a safe and welcoming place for newcomers. Respect is essential. Debates over Recovery Methods are not allowed on the Newcomer's Forum. Posts that violate this rule will be removed without notice. (Support and experience only please.)
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SR
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Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Minnesota, USA
Posts: 1,468
Originally Posted by Mandy73
Hate weekends, they are hard. I'm realizing how much I used booze to combat boredom.
I'm bored and feeling resentful because we never do anything my husband and I or as a family. An outing is a trip to the grocery store. He's content right now sitting in front of the tv watching golf. I'm bored to tears and yay will go do some housework.
Ok yeah I know I shouldn't be relying on others for my happiness or entertainment.
Finances are tight which makes it hard too.
Meh just feeling irritable, annoyed, frustrated and like if I had wine I would feel that less and care less.
But I won't.only party I'm having is a pity party lol
I'm bored and feeling resentful because we never do anything my husband and I or as a family. An outing is a trip to the grocery store. He's content right now sitting in front of the tv watching golf. I'm bored to tears and yay will go do some housework.
Ok yeah I know I shouldn't be relying on others for my happiness or entertainment.
Finances are tight which makes it hard too.
Meh just feeling irritable, annoyed, frustrated and like if I had wine I would feel that less and care less.
But I won't.only party I'm having is a pity party lol
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 322
Originally Posted by ReadyAtLast
I can so relate. My husband and I used to drink together, at home usually. So when I got sober I realised we didn't really DO anything together, never went anywhere, never did anything, never any hobbies. Think the only place we ever went together was Lidl
Getting sober really highlighted our differences.Can you start to do new things or new hobbies alone? I ended up doing that and created a whole new life for myself.
It made me realise that I really didn't want to spend the rest of my life with a man who never wanted to do anything with me or with us as a family. I used to spend days walking with a neighbour or go out for lunch with him. (with my husband's knowledge and happy consent-he was pleased to get me out of the house tbh ) One day I just woke up and thought what on earth am I doing with a man who I have nothing in common with and we do nothing together and sending half my time with another man who I love being with - although just as friends at that point. We separated soon after.
Fast forward 3 years and I am now divorced from my first husband and married to my neighbour and so happy. It is amazing what happens when we stop drinking.
#how long sober are you?
Getting sober really highlighted our differences.Can you start to do new things or new hobbies alone? I ended up doing that and created a whole new life for myself.
It made me realise that I really didn't want to spend the rest of my life with a man who never wanted to do anything with me or with us as a family. I used to spend days walking with a neighbour or go out for lunch with him. (with my husband's knowledge and happy consent-he was pleased to get me out of the house tbh ) One day I just woke up and thought what on earth am I doing with a man who I have nothing in common with and we do nothing together and sending half my time with another man who I love being with - although just as friends at that point. We separated soon after.
Fast forward 3 years and I am now divorced from my first husband and married to my neighbour and so happy. It is amazing what happens when we stop drinking.
#how long sober are you?
But this is a perfect example of "why a spouse should be cautious of platonic relationships his/her spouse has"
Years ago I helped my ex gf find a job, I encouraged her to go for this job.
Fast forward she is now married to her boss. (Mind you he is 20years older)
I have no resentment or anger as we both Knew the relationship was coming to an end. But just pointing out how interesting life works.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 322
Originally Posted by Dee74
um...
Lets refocus on the original poster and her post, guys.
D
Lets refocus on the original poster and her post, guys.
D
Mandy73. I guess the morale of the story is talk and engage with your husband, and not your neighbour
Good job for not drinking, I find it a relief tbh that I mainly drank out of boredom, because I realised I can substitute my drinking with so many more productive activities.
And frankly, If you think about it, drinking alone because one is bored is well, actually - boring!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 155
Thanks everyone, no harm no foul. I'm sober 3 weeks today and with each day I'm feeling a little less rough for lack of a better word.
I love to read! Typically I read a lot of mystery thriller type novels but my guilty pleasure, and the season is nary upon us lolol, is to read Christmas romance themed novels lol
I know ..im lame lol I accept that.
I'm learning who I am without alcohol and who we are as a couple and as a family. Navigating through new and sometimes murky waters but I'm feeling good!
I love to read! Typically I read a lot of mystery thriller type novels but my guilty pleasure, and the season is nary upon us lolol, is to read Christmas romance themed novels lol
I know ..im lame lol I accept that.
I'm learning who I am without alcohol and who we are as a couple and as a family. Navigating through new and sometimes murky waters but I'm feeling good!
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