Divijata

Stopped drinking at around 6am. Boring, stupid, kind of pointless...

Hangover: is extreme tiredness and depression. Not worth it. I've not got another one of these binges left in me. It's the life energy that it takes. The sheer weight of the emotions. Leaves me like, in the words of the girlfriend, a zombie.

9 months of sober living this year and one week of alcohol and the difference is day and night, heaven and hell.

9 months of sublime energy and awareness with a work colleague recently asking "what drugs do you take in the morning??"

The last work week was a chore as I was lacking so much in energy and vitality whereas usually I'm hyperactive.

The binge happens and then there's the danger of the addiction cycle where you say as your going to work "never again" but as the day comes to a close......you want that escape.....and the cycle continues.

Like I said, I simply wouldn't have the energy to stay in the cycle. Binges are dangerous though. Need to learn that "moderation" simply leads to massive dangerous binges.

Anna

Yeah, moderation doesn't work, period.

And, I understand how devastating the binges are physically, mentally and spiritually. Make up your mind and follow a plan so that it never happens again. Remember those 9 months.

ChloeRose63

I am right with you. I drank again. Same old story. I am so sick and beginning to detox. Shame and embarrassed at myself. How could I do this to myself again. Really messed up again. I just want to be sober.

Treefellow50

I totally agree about moderation... When I accepted I was an alcoholic I realised the easiest thing to do was quit... Trying to manage alcohol consumption is dangerous... Too many times I deluded myself and payed the price of dis-ease...
Day 6 sober this time for me...with letting go of alcohol... I seem to let go of the memories and the pain... But as you say hangovers are horrendous.. The spiritual downfall and depression is horrendous... Thank you for posting..

wildflower70

I am also on the slippery slope....just went back to work after 4 days off (the detox was that bad!).....and a friend stopped by with a bottle of wine...UGH

I'm there, why can we not see?????

ChloeRose63

I am really struggling with myself right now. I am so unhappy that I drank again. I feel awful. There was no reason to pick up that beer other than my addiction took over. Now I just want to get this poison out of me. Counting the sober hours...just like I did before...

Quit290117

Hi Divijata I hope you feel better soon. Reading how easy it is to have a slip really shows that we have to work at staying sober for ever. I'm at 15 weeks now and occasionally get the "I think I can moderate now" thoughts. Reading yours and the other posters experiences really helps. Thank you for sharing and I wish you well.

Stay strong.

Divijata

Now the usual tug of war kicks in...

The schizophrenia........

I have 16 single malts. (incomprehensible story) and I've taken the open ones out to see how many I've opened (because of thinking what am I going to do with them........can I sell them or give them away)

I've about four crates of wine in the spare room, which I don't really care about. The gf can have them although in fairness she did not drink in the house in all of the 9 months that I wasn't drinking.

I don't know the tug of war is like the boys toys element.

Divijata

I know, it's the beating yourself up part that's hard to deal with. I'm my own worst critic. I have a very extreme personality.

Somebody commented to me the other day "wow, you admitted that you are human!"

ChloeRose63

I am extremely sensitive and cannot handle stress very well. Drinking worsens it but for a temporary moment it seems to help. But not really. It is a stupid choice. I have relapsed many times. I need to have a better plan. Right now I am detoxing so my head is alittle foggy. Thanks for listening.

Hevyn

Hi Divijata. My problem was remembering how horrible I felt afterwards. My memory of the misery would grow dim, and I'd try yet again to have 'a couple'. Failed every time, of course - and ended up filled with regret & remorse. It sounds like you're ready to let this truly be the last ever hangover. Good call.

Divijata

I can relate. It must be an element of this thing: sensitivity.

When I was growing up I was a sensitive kid, through my teens and beyond. Overly defensive and sometimes aggressive because of that.

Worked a lot on being calmer and caring less about others' opinions.

However, the sensitivity thing......I remember a girl said to me a few years ago "I never met anyone that was so affected by their physical state". Or something like that. Meaning what I ingest or don't ingest seems to have a huge affect on me (like if I don't eat every three hours my energy starts to drop dramatically) I reckon it's one of the reasons I find it hard to recover from binges.....I go so long without food and sleep and end up like the living dead.

Hugely sensitive to others' energy too...

ChloeRose63

I have a hard time eating. Maybe it is a disorder. When I drink I don't eat. I drank beer the last few days. It was a typical binge. Beer was food. Now I am hurting and feel like crying. I had 2 months sober and was doing great. I don't know why I though drinking was going to be ok. It never was. I just want to feel better soon. I hate what I did.

Divijata

Did you drink normally when you were sober?

I eat like a savage normally......I have to as I'm aware of high metabolism

When I drink.............my appetite dies. And therein probably is why I go into blackout territory ..

ChloeRose63

I never drank normally. Always to get drunk and for the energy to make it through a boring day. When I was sober I really felt great. The world looked brighter. I was happy. But, I had the craving and it wouldn't go away. I tried for days to not go to the store. I knew I would buy beer. Then I gave in and there was no stopping me. I have been down this road before. I really want to stop drinking.

axeman5971

Hi Chloe - ever try meetings? They are so rejuvenating to me.

Divi - get rid of that stuff!

Divijata

Oops that was a typo....I meant to say did you EAT normally when sober!

Did you drink normally when sober makes no sense whatsoever !!

Divijata

That's what I'm trying to figure out! Give it away? Sell it? It's easily over a grands worth

But yeah I need a change of paradigm....I was a wine snob and then a whisky snob...

...with bloody professional certificate to boot. (no ordinary wine course, I had to take one that's designed for those in the industry)

Edit: over a grand's worth. Fvcking nuts

ChloeRose63

I have been to meetings. Last year when I got out of a rehab. It was alright but not very helpful. I went for 12 weeks. I still had the cravings and drank again shortly after. I feel hopeless. But, I know I can stay sober for 2 months. I just have to start again. One day at a time...

Boxer1

Yep, I have fallen victim to that many times too💯