Some progress
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 669
Some progress
Last night I had 2 drinks. However, if you knew me you would realize that was progress. My reasoning was I know how hard it will be on my body to go cold turkey.
The binge last week has taken a huge toll on me. I'm struggling to eat, my leg and feet muscles are constantly twitching with regular muscle cramps. Even cramps in my stomach muscles and ribs. I'm sweating profusely and have the runs. My body is so run down right now.
I'm drinking as much good stuff as I can. I'm just trying to push through this and work toward getting better. I'm determined to kick this evil addiction.
My plan today is to go to work to make up for some lost time last week and go to an AA meeting at 1 or 4. Those 2 meetings are for women only which may make it a little easier. Then I'm gonna go to the grocery to get some stuff to make veggie soup.
Slow and steady progress is better than none at all.
The binge last week has taken a huge toll on me. I'm struggling to eat, my leg and feet muscles are constantly twitching with regular muscle cramps. Even cramps in my stomach muscles and ribs. I'm sweating profusely and have the runs. My body is so run down right now.
I'm drinking as much good stuff as I can. I'm just trying to push through this and work toward getting better. I'm determined to kick this evil addiction.
My plan today is to go to work to make up for some lost time last week and go to an AA meeting at 1 or 4. Those 2 meetings are for women only which may make it a little easier. Then I'm gonna go to the grocery to get some stuff to make veggie soup.
Slow and steady progress is better than none at all.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 4,553
Sinderos this is so tricky because I know how horrific cold turkey can be. Your description put me straight back to where I was and it lasted 6 days for me. 6 awful days that felt like 6 months. The sweats, the anxiety, the fear, the runs, the racing heart, the nightmares.....I was absolutely determined to see it through though (don't think I could have managed a drink even if I wanted to). What I would say is please don't try and do too much. If you power through and go to work the likelihood is you'll go back drinking just to make the withdrawal go away . Thats the cruel nature of alcoholism. It can be at it's most dangerous when we actually stop. Rather than trying to drink less (albeit a lot less) maybe bite the bullet and go to the doctors. There aren't any short cuts I'm afraid. Withdrawal is nasty and dangerous. I was very lucky indeed.
Take care and do think about seeing a doctor. The sooner that 2 drinks is zero the better xxx
Take care and do think about seeing a doctor. The sooner that 2 drinks is zero the better xxx
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Sind,
Prayers. You are still in the grips of physical addiction. Each binge is worse and worse.
If you can't stop on your own, w SR, and/or AA, definitely see a Dr.
If you have already, and have been given meds already, and are taking meds and drinking...that is a path to the deepest hell on earth.
Basically then, you may need to be hospitalized until you get over the physical withdrawals to avoid chronic relapse and eventual permanent mental and physical damage.
The damage booze does to us lasts a long long time.
For me, the problem lately is getting used to the ups and downs when dealing w different stressors.
Going somewhere new, driving a strange car, being around different people etc et.
When I was in my routine I felt ok, but shake it up and I get anxiety and that is a trigger.
Knowing this helps me get though it. I tell myself each situation makes me stronger.
Plus, there is long term physical damage, like i/you mentioned. I still have balance confidence problems.
Walking up or down stairs, in front of people, like to get an award...scares me..I always want to hold onto a railing.
Anyway, the only way out of this thing for us alkys is eventually stopping completely.
If you made it this far w all the clean time you have, you can make it all the way out.
Thnaks.
Prayers. You are still in the grips of physical addiction. Each binge is worse and worse.
If you can't stop on your own, w SR, and/or AA, definitely see a Dr.
If you have already, and have been given meds already, and are taking meds and drinking...that is a path to the deepest hell on earth.
Basically then, you may need to be hospitalized until you get over the physical withdrawals to avoid chronic relapse and eventual permanent mental and physical damage.
The damage booze does to us lasts a long long time.
For me, the problem lately is getting used to the ups and downs when dealing w different stressors.
Going somewhere new, driving a strange car, being around different people etc et.
When I was in my routine I felt ok, but shake it up and I get anxiety and that is a trigger.
Knowing this helps me get though it. I tell myself each situation makes me stronger.
Plus, there is long term physical damage, like i/you mentioned. I still have balance confidence problems.
Walking up or down stairs, in front of people, like to get an award...scares me..I always want to hold onto a railing.
Anyway, the only way out of this thing for us alkys is eventually stopping completely.
If you made it this far w all the clean time you have, you can make it all the way out.
Thnaks.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 669
I don't have any sober time. Yesterday I only had the 2 drinks which was an accomplishment. I don't take medicine when I'm drinking. I don't even take a Tylenol! (That's why I can't believe I tried a street drug Tuesday night.).
I'm going to counseling and am going to start AA today. I know the path I'm on is going to destroy me. I'm determined to change it. Right now I'm doing the best I can to change my thought process and resist the urge to drink. I'm going to have to take this an hour at a time. I can't think about not drinking in 8 hours. It's too overwhelming. An hour from now I will still be sober though.
I'm going to counseling and am going to start AA today. I know the path I'm on is going to destroy me. I'm determined to change it. Right now I'm doing the best I can to change my thought process and resist the urge to drink. I'm going to have to take this an hour at a time. I can't think about not drinking in 8 hours. It's too overwhelming. An hour from now I will still be sober though.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Sinderos, is rehab an option for you? I eventually got to the point where it was the only true option for me, I just couldn't get out on my own. I have had a few relapses since then but they have been days instead of week and I have come out stronger each time, ready to attack this. I feel like rehab was the thing that really got me going down the right path to permanent sobriety, I'm still hitting some bumps in the road, but I am on the right path now whereas I wasn't before.
I know it sounds so overwhelming. i thought it would be absolutely impossible to leave work, my house, my kids, etc. But it all worked out in the end. When there is a will there is a way.
I know you know how difficult tapering is and that the harsh reality is that it rarely works out for people. It really might be time to get to rehab or at a minimum a doctor or the ER, somewhere to help you get through the withdrawals and get started on full on sobriety.
Do find a way to get to that AA meeting. And do keep checking in here. You can do this, you really can. If I can, if others here can, you can too.
I know it sounds so overwhelming. i thought it would be absolutely impossible to leave work, my house, my kids, etc. But it all worked out in the end. When there is a will there is a way.
I know you know how difficult tapering is and that the harsh reality is that it rarely works out for people. It really might be time to get to rehab or at a minimum a doctor or the ER, somewhere to help you get through the withdrawals and get started on full on sobriety.
Do find a way to get to that AA meeting. And do keep checking in here. You can do this, you really can. If I can, if others here can, you can too.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 669
Rehab is not an option. My co pay is unaffordable. I've checked into it even with outpatient. I am single and have no family that can assist with my expenses if I'm without pay for a month or more. Plus I have 2 fur babies that would need attending to while I would be away. Again no one to take care of them. I'm on my own in a very literal scenario. Outpatient is $50 a session. That is 3 times a week. I can't swing it. Regardless of how much I want to. I've checked into all that I know other than aa and my counselor that I pay for every 2 weeks.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
That is a tough situation, I get it. I still feel so fortunate to live where I live and have had the opportunity to go to rehab for very little cost (treatment was free, I just paid a little out of pocket to have a single room). Finances are no joke, I'm in a bit of a pinch here myself as of late and it is yet another thing that can add stress. I am currently paying out of pocket for my psychiatrist and psychologist, the wait for the ones covered under the public healthcare was too long.
It sounds like you want to go to rehab though. So what could we do to make that work? This is going to sound crazy, but could you get a loan? Do they give out loans for something like that? Could you find one with a sliding scale or payment plan? What about the salvation army rehab options? My apologies, I don't recall your country.
I also agree with Dee, the sooner you get alcohol completely out of your system, the better. Then, maybe you could have "rehab at home" and LITERALLY lock yourself in the house for a week, do nothing but concentrate on taking care of yourself and working on your recovery plan. Hot showers or baths, tea, stretching, eating right. Lots of reading on SR, reading other recovery materials, participating in online AA meetings, writing.
I hope your Sunday is a peaceful one mentally. Do you have to work today?
It sounds like you want to go to rehab though. So what could we do to make that work? This is going to sound crazy, but could you get a loan? Do they give out loans for something like that? Could you find one with a sliding scale or payment plan? What about the salvation army rehab options? My apologies, I don't recall your country.
I also agree with Dee, the sooner you get alcohol completely out of your system, the better. Then, maybe you could have "rehab at home" and LITERALLY lock yourself in the house for a week, do nothing but concentrate on taking care of yourself and working on your recovery plan. Hot showers or baths, tea, stretching, eating right. Lots of reading on SR, reading other recovery materials, participating in online AA meetings, writing.
I hope your Sunday is a peaceful one mentally. Do you have to work today?
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
