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Shakes and nightmares

Old 10-01-2017, 12:59 AM
  # 41 (permalink)  
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Hey dave, quickly, I have found the mobile site difficult to navigate. If you can scroll all the way down on your page and click on "desktop version" I think that might be easier for you.

I am really sorry to hear that you drank. It sounds like the garage is a danger zone for you, some changes need to be made there. Right now, this second, is probably not the right time, but maybe tomorrow you can work on making some changes to that space. What about a great make-over and turning that into a different space entirely. Take out the chairs, take out the things you use to make that a drinking space. Turn it into a work area or anything else you can think of and for the time being STOP going in there.

What other steps can you take to ensure you get on the path to sobriety? When you sober up it sounds like it is time to address this seriously and work on putting together a recovery plan.

I won't go into much more about that right now as you are drunk and I think the best this is S.O.S. themed messages of support. It is time to put down the alcohol. Now. Can you get up right now and dump what you have left? Go to bed with your wife. Tomorrow is a new day and can be your day one. Sobriety is tough at time, and very hard won, but it is so worth it and I can say from experience it is so much better than the misery and self-hate that drinking brings.

We are all totally here for you, happy to support you in any way but the first and most important step comes down to you- admitting you are powerless over alcohol and not taking that first drink. You buddy, only you can be the one to stop. You can do this. Dump it out and go to bed.
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Old 10-01-2017, 01:06 AM
  # 42 (permalink)  
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Sober and honest.
I've read your post so many times.
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Old 10-01-2017, 01:11 AM
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Originally Posted by Meraviglioso View Post
Hey dave, quickly, I have found the mobile site difficult to navigate. If you can scroll all the way down on your page and click on "desktop version" I think that might be easier for you.

I am really sorry to hear that you drank. It sounds like the garage is a danger zone for you, some changes need to be made there. Right now, this second, is probably not the right time, but maybe tomorrow you can work on making some changes to that space. What about a great make-over and turning that into a different space entirely. Take out the chairs, take out the things you use to make that a drinking space. Turn it into a work area or anything else you can think of and for the time being STOP going in there.

What other steps can you take to ensure you get on the path to sobriety? When you sober up it sounds like it is time to address this seriously and work on putting together a recovery plan.

I won't go into much more about that right now as you are drunk and I think the best this is S.O.S. themed messages of support. It is time to put down the alcohol. Now. Can you get up right now and dump what you have left? Go to bed with your wife. Tomorrow is a new day and can be your day one. Sobriety is tough at time, and very hard won, but it is so worth it and I can say from experience it is so much better than the misery and self-hate that drinking brings.

We are all totally here for you, happy to support you in any way but the first and most important step comes down to you- admitting you are powerless over alcohol and not taking that first drink. You buddy, only you can be the one to stop. You can do this. Dump it out and go to bed.
I know Mera
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Old 10-01-2017, 01:11 AM
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Thanks for being up right now.
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Old 10-01-2017, 01:56 AM
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Hey Dave,hope you feel better later today.Starting out on your sober journey is daunting and I guess you are fearful of the unknown.Keep posting and feel reassured that we all will support you.Take care
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Old 10-01-2017, 05:54 AM
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Hi Dave,

For sleep I can only suggest what works for me:

1. Think about holding a cat. They are great at sleeping, and this thought keeps my mind from racing.
2. Think about slow, relaxed breathing. It's boring, but it might help slow your brain and body down enough to sleep.

On bad nights where I'm stressed, it's so hard to stop the thoughts that keep me awake. These two things seem to do the trick, but it can still take a few hours.

If you have to, get out of bed and read a book for an hour. Then go back to bed and try again.

Oh, and some warm milk before you to bed. It's a kid's trick, but if you do it every night it tells yourself "I'm having milk. It's time to sleep".

Good luck
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Old 10-01-2017, 05:59 AM
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I'm sorry to hear you found a reason to drink, dave.

Start again. It does get worse each time you try to quit...we only get so many chances. You never know.

Maybe read about Kindling. When you're feeling better.

Kindling (paper from the NIH link)
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Old 10-01-2017, 07:01 AM
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Originally Posted by davesnothere View Post
Sober and honest.
I've read your post so many times.
Good Morning Dave! I don't suppose you're feeling particularly well this morning, but wanted to let you know that nobody on this board is judging you. Damn near all of us have been where you are and we only want to help you. So when you are ready, come on back here without feeling any guilt or shame.

I'm not sure which post you were referring to last night (you might not either, lol), but I wanted to let you know that I read your posts this morning and I'm sending you some good vibes. Recovery from this disease is not easy, but I can tell you that it is incredibly worthwhile. I spent a lot of years trying to convince myself that I was tough enough to "fix" myself, that I didn't need any help from outside sources, that I had accomplished everything in my life by putting my head down and fighting through whatever adversity stood in my way, and that resolve and toughness and grit and hard work were the best traits a man could possess. And these years were even after the many previous years where I convinced myself that I didn't even have a problem, that "Joe Smith" drank more than me so how could I have a problem?, that "work hard, play hard" was a good mantra, and that nobody had a right to question my drinking, dammit, because I showed up for work every day, had a good job, and was functional in every way. It was only after I finally got cut through all of this crap, and became honest with myself, that I was willing to seek help for this problem and address it properly.

Sobriety is amazing. Waking up every single day to a sense of accomplishment, rather than a sense of dread, is a huge improvement. But that is only the tip of the iceberg. Knowing that I am moving forward with my goals without self-sabotaging is another big gain. I could spend pages listing other things that sobriety has improved, but you get the picture. And if we want to view this in terms of toughness, I now have the ability and desire to politely decline a drink, to spend time with my girl even when she is sipping a glass of wine, to wake up at 5 a.m. and get a massive workout in. I'm "tougher" in every imaginable way today than I was two years ago and, perhaps more importantly, I have learned that judging myself based upon this criteria has some pretty significant flaws.

Anyway, good morning to you. Let go of last night as quickly as possible. There is very little value in guilt and shame. I hope that you decide to make today your day 1. We are all here to offer you total, nonjudgmental support!
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Old 10-01-2017, 07:48 AM
  # 49 (permalink)  
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Good morning! I hope you stay with us here. We all know what you are facing. How hard it is, the thoughts of "eff it" I will drink. Please remeber the thing you are "effing" is yourself. Healthwise, alcohol will kill you earlier than your time. It will destroy your relationships, your job, it is a dead end. You are not there yet, but why go down that road? Others here have been down that road, it is horrible. I know, you think it won't happen to you, but that is what alcohol does...it destroys.

It is not weak to stop a habit. It is not weak to be healthier. It is not weak to be fully present for your family. It isn't weak to be a good provider and quit spending $$ on alcohol. Alcohol is not a reward for a life well lived. It is not a reward because you have earned it. I used to believe those things. I would do the chores and earn that beer. Once I stopped, just over a year ago, I saw how stupid that idea of reward is, advertising wants you to think that, but why is it a reward to slowly kill myself with alcohol or cigarettes?
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Old 10-01-2017, 09:10 AM
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Is inpatient treatment a possibility? You will probably get medication to ease the withdrawals, usually a benzo taper. If you do 30 days (or more), it is not just detox, it is a safe place to start your journey into sobriety while being totally away from alcohol, being with other recovering addicts, and getting counseling and 12 step or other group recovery strategies.

Also I strongly agree with all of the posts about checking in with a doctor, particularly given your violent shaking. Withdrawal can be unpleasant to downright dangerous.

We are pulling for you, whatever path you choose.
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Old 10-01-2017, 02:32 PM
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Hi Dave - thinking of you & hoping you'll stay around.
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Old 10-02-2017, 08:22 AM
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Today will be day 1. Last night I told my wife and my drinking buddy that I'm taking this week off. My buddy was totally cool and supportive, my wife on the other hand wasn't to keen. She thought we could have a drink on Wednesday. I said no. I haven't told her that I'm completely done yet. She won't like that. Oh well!
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Old 10-02-2017, 08:37 AM
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Welcome back Dave.good to see yo. Surely your wife will be pleased especially in view of your health concerns. I know it's difficult when 1 partner in a relationship gets sober but you never know - she might see how well and healthy you are and happier you get as you get longer term sobriety and choose to follow

I had to say I was stopping drinking full stop. Saying I was just taking a week off just led to more drinking at the weekend. It's all or nothing, for me.
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Old 10-02-2017, 08:40 AM
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Originally Posted by ReadyAtLast View Post
Welcome back Dave.good to see yo. Surely your wife will be pleased especially in view of your health concerns. I know it's difficult when 1 partner in a relationship gets sober but you never know - she might see how well and healthy you are and happier you get as you get longer term sobriety and choose to follow
I had to say I was stopping drinking full stop. Saying I was just taking a week off just led to more drinking at the weekend. It's all or nothing, for me.
Ya, I'm hoping she'll take the week off as well, and see how much better she feels.
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Old 10-02-2017, 08:45 AM
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Dave, regardless of what she does, this is for you.

Do you feel like maybe your wife drinks too much? Because if she doesn't, then you may have to figure out ways to come to peace with her being a normal drinker and you not being one. Lots of people can have "a drink." For those like us, not so much.

Not at all, actually. One drink? What's the point? I drank for the buzz/drunk/euphoria. Then I drank to keep that going. Then I had to drink to keep from being sick. Then I was just sick.
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Old 10-02-2017, 08:53 AM
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Yes I think she has a drinking problem, but she does not.

I'm doing this for me.
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Old 10-02-2017, 09:24 AM
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Originally Posted by davesnothere View Post
Yes I think she has a drinking problem, but she does not.

I'm doing this for me.
The best thing you can do for her drinking problem is to become a non-drinker yourself.

She's on her own trajectory.

If you stop, it is going to upset the apple-cart, there is no way around that. I found when I got sober that I could not live with another drinker. My husband and I split when I was in the process of becoming emotionally well and sober myself. I just couldn't live the life any more, plus my being sober brought all of our many huge problems into focus for me.

Some people find their spouse cuts back or quits, too. Problem is, you guys are drinking buddies and by you quitting, she's going to have to face her own demons. It's not going to be pretty, but it will be illuminating.

There is a section on this site called "Friends and Family of Alcoholics" you may want to take a few minutes and read over there, too. It's good to learn your own boundaries around her drinking and to detach from her problem.

I wouldn't try to bring her along with you or to make any accusations. You have enough on your own plate.
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Old 10-02-2017, 09:31 AM
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Thanks Bimi, I'll have a look.
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Old 10-03-2017, 06:07 AM
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Well maybe 2 hours of sleep. Maybe.
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Old 10-03-2017, 06:13 AM
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Hi Dave. I used melatonin (10 mg) during my first few weeks of sobriety and it was very helpful for sleeping. I also recommend staying away from caffeine and catching sleep whenever you can.
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