Susiesmiles

Last night I woke up in pee and puke, was this my last time? I don't know but I'm so tired and frustrated. I have drank since I was in my teens and I have been through my ups and downs. I never drank heavily until I was in a abusive marriage for 10 years, around the 6th or 7th year I fell into a deep depression and hit rock bottom. I had to quit school, quit my manager job and basically quit life. I'm a really neat and clean person but my parents came over my house and you couldn't even walk through my floor. My mom said, this is not her. It went on for about 2-3 more years and one day I just stopped. I quit drinking, I got a divorce and was superbly happy for about a year. I started slowly drinking again, just happy to be free and do what I wanted but then it became into not having anything to do, no friends because my ex had driven them all away. I just slowly into a new relationship became what I didn't want to be again. Waking up in shame over the things you had did be in the past. So many shameful and guilt ridden things I have done. I found out that my brother has stage 4 cancer. My mom has gone crazy, I've gone crazy and my dad doesn't know what to do. I finally told my bet friend what I'm doing, then she told someone else. I'm betrayed. I woke up this morning in my puke, **** filled mess and went to the dr. I was a mess and no way did I want this on my record but I told them everything and they did nothing except refer me to a psychiatrist. I hate life right now, all I can think about is alcohol. What is wrong with me.

Dee74

Welcoem aboard Susie

I think a lot of us can identify - we understand how mortifying that can be.

SR helped me turn my life around tho - and I know the community here can help you too

you're among friends here

MythOfSisyphus

Welcome to SR, Susiemiles! I'm glad you found us here. Booze can sneak up on you and really mess up your life. The good news is that there's hope. You can end the nightmare and get your life back.

Susiesmiles

[thanks so much, yesterday was a good day meaning no alcohol. I appreciate the encouragement!
QUOTE=Dee74;6619797]Welcoem aboard Susie

I think a lot of us can identify - we understand how mortifying that can be.

SR helped me turn my life around tho - and I know the community here can help you too

you're among friends here [/QUOTE]

Susiesmiles

I really appreciate the encouragement!! I'm glad to be here!

Sinderos

Welcome Susie!! I understand how you feel. I'm so tired of the struggle too. I'm tired of regretting things I've done when drinking. Things I would never consider sober.

Not to mention the money I've wasted. I'm now struggling financially because of drinking. It'll take a little time but things will turn around for both of us if we just don't drink. That and start learning to live.

Keep your chin up. You can do this!

Silverback4

^^^^^^What Sinderos said is spot on^^^^^^

Welcome and keep strong, we are all here for you

Susiesmiles

It's gotten to where my friends know when I'm drinking even by text because I'm animated x 10
All I have thought about the last 3 hours was alcohol and now I've put myself accountable so everyone is watching me. I'm feeling irritable, sigh

Silverback4

I could also be a bit of a phone warrior when drunk.
I don’t miss waking up in the morning and checking my phone with dread to see what an ass of myself I had made the night before or who I need to apologise to.

You are here and you are sober, that’s what matters.
Making yourself accountable to people as you say also allows people who care to offer you support like the people here on SR.

You are really only accountable to yourself and you haven’t drank.
Keep it going

Dee74

Stay with it Susie - this is not the best it's gonna get - it gets better

D