Bachelorette outing to three wineries.. - Page 2 - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
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Old 09-26-2017, 06:42 PM   #21 (permalink)
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Good advice here.
I'm glad you're feeling better.

I really hope that soon you'll realise the awesome truth that you can have more fun sober than you would drinking Nikka - the bottle doesn't make the fun.

shut that AV and FOMO down.

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Old 09-26-2017, 06:57 PM   #22 (permalink)

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Hi Nikka:

Good job for coming here and talking it out. You are preparing yourself and I think that you can do it. Definitely have a plan of action and an exit strategy if things are getting too crazy or if it's getting too late.

Be careful recognizing the AV. I commented on your post about wanting a drink a bit ago so just be vigilant and remember that thoughts are just thoughts. Acknowledge and dismiss them. I am so glad that you are posting and working your plan. I think offering to drive is a great idea.

A Bach party with close friends sounds lovely. You are going to be SO present and have no regrets!

Keep posting. You are doing great!
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Old 09-28-2017, 05:52 AM   #23 (permalink)

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Hope you are feeling better today Nikka!
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Old 09-28-2017, 06:38 AM   #24 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Nowsthetime View Post
Hope you are feeling better today Nikka!
A thousand times better! I had a brief moment of boo-hoo to me, but I'm feeling stronger that I got over the mental hump. Last night I had a conversation with my SO about how wonderful this year has been so far with me quitting drinking, him starting school, us getting a new car.. things are falling into place and they will continue to do so. I'm looking forward to a weekend away with the girls!
Acknowledge the problem, live in the solution.
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Old 09-28-2017, 07:00 AM   #25 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Nikkabean326 View Post
Thank you so much for all the kind words on this post. It's been a few hours since I posted this and I'm in a much better head space after chatting with my SO (I even had an out loud heart to heart with myself on the way home from work.. it helps even though I look and sound nuts.)

I'm going to the outing and I know I won't drink. I'm going to be with three other ladies that I adore spending time with. We're going to laugh, picnic in the sun, tell stories, gossip, and talk about the impending nuptials (I'm in the wedding.)

Coming here is my therapy. Just for a quick post to process what I'm feeling. Thank you all for reading and commenting!
So you've thought it out and made a decision - ok. Here's my $0.02 to what just happened to me that blindsided me.

Last weekend, my fiance and I went to a wedding of a dear childhood friend. I had NO desire to drink, but I was beyond agitated and disturbed that wine, specifically, was everywhere at the events - and frankly, in every store in Highlands NC - and even some sober people have observed how true that is so it wasn't just my alcoholic mind seeing it Seriously, though, probably a good 70% of places were stores like "Pastries & Wine", "Madison's Bistro and Wine Yard"...."Pet Gifts & Wine" (I ad libbed that last one but it was a great pet store...). I had to work SO hard to use my program tools to 1 not be a complete jerk to my beloved (or be resentful to my precious friend in any way, like inviting me!) 2 try to flip my attitude and thinking to get out of my disturbed state and 3 basically get through and get home. We used our usual party tools of going, staying long enough, paying thanks/respects and leaving early. It was just so stressful- and I didn't expect it! At 19 mo sober, one thing I realized is how CAREFULLY built our life is. We just don't go to that many social events and the parties and such we do go to reflect our lifestyle (he's sober too). We are not even going to have alcohol at our wedding- and frankly, if people don't like it then we made a mistake inviting them.

ALL of this to say.....this week has felt like a huge leap FORWARD for me, after a tough weekend, because I looked at the lessons, what was disturbing me and the emotional sobriety pieces I worked on and need to learn from.

While I didn't expect this at 19 mo, I certainly wouldn't have wanted to experience this at 5 or 6.

I guess my long response is meant to echo what others have said, share that we CAN successfully get through things, and I personally needed a strong STRONG program that would get me through and onward from something similar to what you are going to do.

Just take care of yourself, and don't drink, and see what you can learn and what you can focus on while there to enjoy.

"Sometimes, I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast." - Alice in Wonderland
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Old 09-28-2017, 07:08 AM   #26 (permalink)
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Two words: don't go.
Take care of yourself and your sobriety.
Sober AF since 6/6/2015
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Old 09-28-2017, 09:50 AM   #27 (permalink)

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If you really, really feel you HAVE to some front work with one of the women you trust most and ask her to have your back on not drinking? If you have someone chiming in with you in a positive way ("Oh, leave her alone, she's being healthy and good for her!") it can be a major help when the others get three drinks down and start being in that weird, belligerent stage of drunkdom where people start insisting you drink with them.

If you can count on the bride, all the better. It's her night, so if she's your backup, nobody is going to argue with her.
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Old 09-28-2017, 10:27 AM   #28 (permalink)

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Originally Posted by Bunny211 View Post
Two words: don't go.
Take care of yourself and your sobriety.
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Old 09-28-2017, 10:50 AM   #29 (permalink)
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At about a year to 18 months sober one of my supposedly best friends confided in me that she and another supposedly 'best' friend had spent the first year of my sobriety trying to sabotage it (for my own good apparently - hmmm). This was something I had suspected that they were trying to do subconsciously. Knowing that they actually spent time talking about it and planning it on a very conscious level has of course made me reassess my relationship with them.

Just saying. Take care. Often our 'friends' idea of our best interests is very misguided, and trusting anyone else to guard your sobriety is not a good idea. WE have to guard it. It is the foundation that our future happiness is built upon.

For a close friend their choice of activity just seems a little suspect if they know of your alcoholism / decision to stop drinking. But that could well be me coming from a place of bad-experience.

I would suggest having a watertight exit plan in place for this event if you decide to carry through with going.

Wishing you all the best for your recovery and continued sobriety.

There is a saying: When you find yourself in a hole, stop digging. And this step is simple, this is the point when we decide to put down the shovel and assess how deep the hole really is.
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