2 amazing years
09/26/2015
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: northwest AR
Posts: 88
2 amazing years
Two years ago today I turned myself into the county jail with 1 felony warrant and 5 misdemeanor warrants. I had literally had enough of that life and I knew that I was going to have to walk through a lot of pain to get to the other side. I didn't lose my children or my family, I gave them away. I walked into jail with only the clothes on my back and my wonderful boyfriend dropping me off, everything else was gone. I spent 62 days in jail and as I was there my mind started to clear and then the pain hit, the pain of the past 16 years and what I have done to myself and my life. My fondest and probably most important memory of jail is seeing the girls get pulled in the middle of the night to go to prison without any notice. They had three minutes to pack their papers into a manilla folder and off they went. At that moment something happened and I decided I would do whatever it took to get clean and sober. I left jail right into rehab for the 6th time, I know everything they teach in rehab but I thought it couldn't do any harm, plus I had nowhere to live. I decided to take the cotton out of my ears and put them in my mouth and just listen.
A group came into rehab on Thursday nights and they were with AA and they brought a meeting into the facility. I remember listening to these people and their stories and thinking "I want exactly what they have". I got out of treatment and moved back into my moms (it's a miracle she let me) and picked up the 500,000-pound phone and called one of the ladies who came into my treatment facility. I asked her for a ride to the meeting at noon, she gave me a number to another lady who lived down the street from me. GOD, I did not want to pick up that phone again and call someone else I did not know. I did though and she came to pick me up. She became my sponsor and has helped me to put my life back to get her piece by piece, She took me through the steps and I sat down with her and told her all the awful things I did in my addiction as part of my fourth step. I had never told anyone any of this before, they were the demons that kept me up at night. It was emotional but the next day she sent me flowers at work. Whhhaaaatttt?? I told you how awful of a person I was and you send me flowers. AA saved my life, truly. The people that go to meetings are the only people in the world that understand me almost completely. Don't get me wrong, I'm cool with normal people but I prefer people in recovery...always. So here we are two years later I have both of my children back (legally), I have a job I love (and they give me keys to the building lol), My own place with my boyfriend who has 5 years and is also in recovery, a car I bought for myself, and I am finally off probation after 6 years. All of those material things don't matter. I can look at myself in the mirror now, I amend (sometimes slowly) when I wrong, I am a productive member of society, and I now have a higher power of my understanding for whom I choose to call God. I could go on and on about all the gifts I have received but that would take forever. I remember going to that first meeting and my group reads the promises every meeting, I never ever ever thought they would ever pertain to me. The have! Some slowly and some very quickly. I am sorry to write all this, I am not able to attend a meeting today and I feel so grateful for my life today that I needed to type this out. Two years ago I was ready to die and honestly did not care if I did. Life is so precious and I try to live each day the best I can. I am not perfect and I still mess up all the time but I reach out no matter what. It is truly a miracle that I have not used drugs or alcohol in two years. Thank you to God, to AA, and to my amazing family. Also, thank you to Bill Wilson, essentially you are the reason I found AA. Have a great day all!
A group came into rehab on Thursday nights and they were with AA and they brought a meeting into the facility. I remember listening to these people and their stories and thinking "I want exactly what they have". I got out of treatment and moved back into my moms (it's a miracle she let me) and picked up the 500,000-pound phone and called one of the ladies who came into my treatment facility. I asked her for a ride to the meeting at noon, she gave me a number to another lady who lived down the street from me. GOD, I did not want to pick up that phone again and call someone else I did not know. I did though and she came to pick me up. She became my sponsor and has helped me to put my life back to get her piece by piece, She took me through the steps and I sat down with her and told her all the awful things I did in my addiction as part of my fourth step. I had never told anyone any of this before, they were the demons that kept me up at night. It was emotional but the next day she sent me flowers at work. Whhhaaaatttt?? I told you how awful of a person I was and you send me flowers. AA saved my life, truly. The people that go to meetings are the only people in the world that understand me almost completely. Don't get me wrong, I'm cool with normal people but I prefer people in recovery...always. So here we are two years later I have both of my children back (legally), I have a job I love (and they give me keys to the building lol), My own place with my boyfriend who has 5 years and is also in recovery, a car I bought for myself, and I am finally off probation after 6 years. All of those material things don't matter. I can look at myself in the mirror now, I amend (sometimes slowly) when I wrong, I am a productive member of society, and I now have a higher power of my understanding for whom I choose to call God. I could go on and on about all the gifts I have received but that would take forever. I remember going to that first meeting and my group reads the promises every meeting, I never ever ever thought they would ever pertain to me. The have! Some slowly and some very quickly. I am sorry to write all this, I am not able to attend a meeting today and I feel so grateful for my life today that I needed to type this out. Two years ago I was ready to die and honestly did not care if I did. Life is so precious and I try to live each day the best I can. I am not perfect and I still mess up all the time but I reach out no matter what. It is truly a miracle that I have not used drugs or alcohol in two years. Thank you to God, to AA, and to my amazing family. Also, thank you to Bill Wilson, essentially you are the reason I found AA. Have a great day all!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,668
What a beautiful share....2years ago alcohol DID kill me. 3 times- from burns- from a ciggie in a blackout. My family disowned me. 20 months sober- and a story which means I relate to yours...A PRODUCTIVE member of society..giving- not taking. AA too...my sponsor saw me at that first meeting and just invited me to his flat for a coffee. I was so effed in the brain- it took 2 hours to walk 30 minutes....plus the pain of the grafts. They thought I had Korsakof's and wrote me off. One lady- who now looks to me for support- many years sober said when she first heard me share- thought I was either a compulsive liar or psychotic- as no one's story was THAT bad. Well it was. Not now.
Sobriety is truly a blessing.
Thanks for your words. A gift.
Sobriety is truly a blessing.
Thanks for your words. A gift.
09/26/2015
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: northwest AR
Posts: 88
Originally Posted by Horn95 
Ugh. I hate slicing onions when I read posts.
Seriously, that is about as inspirational as it comes. I do not know you but I am so GD proud of you! What's wonderful story!!
Seriously, that is about as inspirational as it comes. I do not know you but I am so GD proud of you! What's wonderful story!!
09/26/2015
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: northwest AR
Posts: 88
Originally Posted by PhoenixJ
What a beautiful share....2years ago alcohol DID kill me. 3 times- from burns- from a ciggie in a blackout. My family disowned me. 20 months sober- and a story which means I relate to yours...A PRODUCTIVE member of society..giving- not taking. AA too...my sponsor saw me at that first meeting and just invited me to his flat for a coffee. I was so effed in the brain- it took 2 hours to walk 30 minutes....plus the pain of the grafts. They thought I had Korsakof's and wrote me off. One lady- who now looks to me for support- many years sober said when she first heard me share- thought I was either a compulsive liar or psychotic- as no one's story was THAT bad. Well, it was. Not now.
Sobriety is truly a blessing.
Thanks for your words. A gift.
Sobriety is truly a blessing.
Thanks for your words. A gift.
Still, gives me chills, I will always be the person who loves the falling down drunks, the people in prison for using and prison is the last option, the people that die and the people that recover. Sometimes we are looked at as the "not best" people of society. I think we are the best.... we live through hell and some of us stand back up and some don't. I think I will always have more love for addicts or alcoholics (besides my children of course lol)
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