SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information - Writing Keeps Us Sober: 90 days off Methamphetamine

Today is a beautiful day. It is Sunday September 23rd, 2017 approximately 6:00 A.M.. It is dark as night outside with a temperature below 55 degrees- it is chilly, and the house is noiseless and still. I woke up this morning excited about the day with thoughts about how my day will unfold and wondering what I will learn today; endless surges of creativity emerge when I wake up clear minded. Upon waking up I thought about my family. So I jumped out of bed put on my bright pink robe and moseyed downstairs, poured myself a coffee (just how Mom likes hers) then I sat down to write this letter. The Serenity house is quiet at the moment, the only noticeable noise occurring is the clock. Time… Tick tocking each second, minute, and hour that goes by. Oh boy, time goes by so fast! When I am alone in the morning and I hear that clock tick I can’t help but think about how peaceful I feel; and how beautiful life truly is since I have decided to stop using drugs.

Throughout my day and especially in the morning, I think about where I was just three months ago. I think about how the clock ticking would have tormented me. Time was not on my side when I was using drugs. For example, a 24 hour day turned into one 96 hour day which turned into a month passing by astoundingly fast. I never really new what day it was. The date only measured the time-lapsed between marking another day and month with complete failure. I was living in a nightmare that I never thought I would dream up for myself. I never thought the nightmare would become my reality, and to a great degree my nightmarish scenario had become my family’s reality too. It was inevitable for me to go down that road of disparity, since I never truly understood what “losing it all” meant, that road was necessary for me to travel. Although, I have witnessed other addicts lose their minds, their families, and homes I thought I could stop whenever I wanted to because I truly thought I had control over my addiction. Looking back I now see clearly that I had no control when I was in the thick of it all. I was the definition of out of control. With no second thoughts I can say I was out of control. I repeat myself because it is a reminder about where my life can lead if I do not make a conscious effort each morning to be aware about my feelings of my addiction. I was willing to lose my family, my home, my happiness, and my mind, and eventually my life - due to my addiction.

How I cope with life stressors predicts the outcome of my day. I have to practice a different way of thought everyday to ensure that I will stay sober- for today. This is how I guarantee my sobriety, today. I wake up grateful to be sober and alive. I try to be aware of my interactions with people - being conscious about what I say and do is important for my recovery. I understand that sobriety is a lifelong journey that I am excited to partake in. I now understand how badly I have to want to stay sober, in order to be sober. I have to be aware of my thoughts- try and understand why I am thinking negatively or positively about a situation- and practice everyday to try and realize when my old way of thought is creeping in.

This is the happiest morning, because I am only thinking about this particular morning. I find myself the happiest when I am living in the moment. Thinking about only today- with the end goal, being to go to sleep sober and clear minded. During these last 3 months I enjoy my ups and persevere through my downs. I have struggled to only think about the present, about only Today. This new way of thought, living one day at a time, has prompted me to be honest about who I am. This is difficult to do when I have lived in such a way that promotes dishonesty. When I am only looking at today, I can work on the little things of my personality that facilitates long-term recovery, and then promotes true change behavior change. People who have been sober for years always say that long-term sobriety depends upon rigorous honesty with oneself about character defects.

I am willing to listen to advice from people who have years of sobriety under their belt. They are some of the happiest people I have ever met. Most of them have been sober for 10 years plus. Rebecca, for example, has been sober for 12 years. Her and and her husband, Tom, came into A.A. together. They have a business now, sponsor people, and they live the A.A. steps and principles. I am learning from fellow A.A. members how to live sober. I have realized a lot about who I am through people in A.A., through our interactions together. Each passing day, I try and be better than who I was yesterday. I hear that a lot in meetings.

Thank you for letting me share how I feel today. I will continue taking these simple steps so I don't go back to the devil- methamphetamine and heroin. Each day I confront and fight this addiction with persistence and motivation to become a better person.