30 days and full of fear.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Leduc, Ab
Posts: 758
30 days and full of fear.
30 day sober and still can't believe I've made it this far. Going to meetings, talking with my sponsor and prayer have helped tremendously. But I have all this fear running through my head.
I'm worried about my mother as she's going through some life changes. I'm worried about my job as it's fairly slow and I feel so insecure about it. That leads to my finances, I'm worried about being able to keep up with them and being able to provide my children and myself. So many things that keep my brain occupied and I constantly keep trying to turn it over to god and know that it will all work out just the way it's suppose to. Life sucks sometimes. Here's to another 24 everyone.
I'm worried about my mother as she's going through some life changes. I'm worried about my job as it's fairly slow and I feel so insecure about it. That leads to my finances, I'm worried about being able to keep up with them and being able to provide my children and myself. So many things that keep my brain occupied and I constantly keep trying to turn it over to god and know that it will all work out just the way it's suppose to. Life sucks sometimes. Here's to another 24 everyone.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 157
Big well done Hats on making 30 days.
I'm at 100 days sober and have realised all these stresses and problems that are going around us on are just what life's about. We had just became accustomed to blocking them all out by drinking.
Stay strong your doing your doing great 👏
I'm at 100 days sober and have realised all these stresses and problems that are going around us on are just what life's about. We had just became accustomed to blocking them all out by drinking.
Stay strong your doing your doing great 👏
Keep going, it gets better. Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
Fear and anxiety were soem of the things that driove me to drink and keet me drinking.
In recovery I realised fear of something that hasn;t happened yet - and may not come to pass - is pretty futile.
I try and do my best everyday - bad day or not. That's all you I or anyone else can do.
You were feeling pretty good a few days back - you'll feel that way again...but if this is really debilitating why not seek some medical advice and help Hats?
D
In recovery I realised fear of something that hasn;t happened yet - and may not come to pass - is pretty futile.
I try and do my best everyday - bad day or not. That's all you I or anyone else can do.
You were feeling pretty good a few days back - you'll feel that way again...but if this is really debilitating why not seek some medical advice and help Hats?
D
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
There Comes A Time for most recovering alcoholics when they will not fear people or economic situations.
That would be one of those AA promises that I do see played out often.
Congratulations on your 30 days sober.
M-Bob
That would be one of those AA promises that I do see played out often.
Congratulations on your 30 days sober.
M-Bob
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Out in the Stix of Southern Indiana
Posts: 2,784
Originally Posted by Hats 
30 day sober and still can't believe I've made it this far. Going to meetings, talking with my sponsor and prayer have helped tremendously. But I have all this fear running through my head.
I'm worried about my mother as she's going through some life changes. I'm worried about my job as it's fairly slow and I feel so insecure about it. That leads to my finances, I'm worried about being able to keep up with them and being able to provide my children and myself. So many things that keep my brain occupied and I constantly keep trying to turn it over to god and know that it will all work out just the way it's suppose to. Life sucks sometimes. Here's to another 24 everyone.
I'm worried about my mother as she's going through some life changes. I'm worried about my job as it's fairly slow and I feel so insecure about it. That leads to my finances, I'm worried about being able to keep up with them and being able to provide my children and myself. So many things that keep my brain occupied and I constantly keep trying to turn it over to god and know that it will all work out just the way it's suppose to. Life sucks sometimes. Here's to another 24 everyone.
The first 30 is the hardest. It will get easier. Sounds like you have some people counting on you. As long as you are sober, everything else will work out. Best wishes for your journey!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Calgary, Alberta Canada
Posts: 467
Originally Posted by Hats
30 day sober and still can't believe I've made it this far. Going to meetings, talking with my sponsor and prayer have helped tremendously. But I have all this fear running through my head.
I'm worried about my mother as she's going through some life changes. I'm worried about my job as it's fairly slow and I feel so insecure about it. That leads to my finances, I'm worried about being able to keep up with them and being able to provide my children and myself. So many things that keep my brain occupied and I constantly keep trying to turn it over to god and know that it will all work out just the way it's suppose to. Life sucks sometimes. Here's to another 24 everyone.
I'm worried about my mother as she's going through some life changes. I'm worried about my job as it's fairly slow and I feel so insecure about it. That leads to my finances, I'm worried about being able to keep up with them and being able to provide my children and myself. So many things that keep my brain occupied and I constantly keep trying to turn it over to god and know that it will all work out just the way it's suppose to. Life sucks sometimes. Here's to another 24 everyone.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
I think you are in the right track Hats. The answer to fear is faith. Turning my will and my life over, seemed difficult to do. I heard quite a few people saying "oh, I just turn it over" as if that alone fixed everything. It sounded flaky, and as I got to know people a bit better I realised it was
Turning my will and life over required action on my part. Step three was the decision to take that action, but was not the action itself. It started with step four where I got to see I was my own worst enemy. My greatest fear in some ways, was that things would not turn out how I thought they should. Still trying to run the show you see.
Identifying the things that caused my failure in step four, and having a good house clean in step five, changed things. I began to feel the Power, I could look the world in the eye, and my faith began to grow, along with hope.
My behaviour began to change too, and I began seeking Gods will for me as opposed to my will for God. And one of the third step promises kicked in "we had a new employer. Being all powerful, he provided what we needed if we stuck close to Him and performed his work well"
I have been living this way for a good many years and my faith has been justified over and over.Things in life did not work out according to my plan, in fact they worked our much better than anything I could have imagined.
When I first sought a higher power, the obvious thing was to take the steps to get the power flowing. From there, it has just been a matter of seeking His will for me, and trying to make that my will. When we work together, everything works out fine. When I start trying to do His job, worry, stress, depression, resentment take over.
Turning my will and life over required action on my part. Step three was the decision to take that action, but was not the action itself. It started with step four where I got to see I was my own worst enemy. My greatest fear in some ways, was that things would not turn out how I thought they should. Still trying to run the show you see.
Identifying the things that caused my failure in step four, and having a good house clean in step five, changed things. I began to feel the Power, I could look the world in the eye, and my faith began to grow, along with hope.
My behaviour began to change too, and I began seeking Gods will for me as opposed to my will for God. And one of the third step promises kicked in "we had a new employer. Being all powerful, he provided what we needed if we stuck close to Him and performed his work well"
I have been living this way for a good many years and my faith has been justified over and over.Things in life did not work out according to my plan, in fact they worked our much better than anything I could have imagined.
When I first sought a higher power, the obvious thing was to take the steps to get the power flowing. From there, it has just been a matter of seeking His will for me, and trying to make that my will. When we work together, everything works out fine. When I start trying to do His job, worry, stress, depression, resentment take over.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
I am glad you have made a start Hats. I had thought you might be a bit further on at thirty days. There is a risk in going too slow.
We each seem to get a period of grace to make a start, but no one knows how long it will be. Mine was three weeks, some people get months,before the crap came back. That meant I had a three week window to get busy or I would drink again.
Don't know about the work book approach. Could be useful to have work sheets for step four, but I found following the directions in the big book, it need only take a couple of hours with a good sponsor to get the first three steps done, and be set to start on step four.
No problem in revisiting the steps again in the future, but initially they need to be worked at a good clip because, until they are, we have no effective defence against the first drink, and it is rather urgent that we get that defence, or we might die.
We each seem to get a period of grace to make a start, but no one knows how long it will be. Mine was three weeks, some people get months,before the crap came back. That meant I had a three week window to get busy or I would drink again.
Don't know about the work book approach. Could be useful to have work sheets for step four, but I found following the directions in the big book, it need only take a couple of hours with a good sponsor to get the first three steps done, and be set to start on step four.
No problem in revisiting the steps again in the future, but initially they need to be worked at a good clip because, until they are, we have no effective defence against the first drink, and it is rather urgent that we get that defence, or we might die.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Leduc, Ab
Posts: 758
Me being at 31 days, it was a bit of a struggle but I must admit, after my last drunk I really just couldn't do it anymore. I was on the verge of putting a gun to my head I was so emotionally and mentally broken. I called my old sponsor and he got me through the 1st few weeks with lots of talking and prayer. That desire to drink left me very early thank you god. I'm starting "Bills story" questions this week and I have the option of starting "There is a solution" if I feel motivated enough. My sponsor has a outline of the Book study during a 16 week pace but since it's just me and him, we can combine a few weeks to shorten it up. I just want to get into the meat and potatoes of it (step 4) Fears, resentment, harms and sex conduct. I'll plug away at the work book at a good pace as I'm really motivated to get rid of the garbage I'm lugging around.
To be honest though, I'm a bit fearful of step 4 as I have a lot of guilt and shame of things I've done that needs to be put on paper.
To be honest though, I'm a bit fearful of step 4 as I have a lot of guilt and shame of things I've done that needs to be put on paper.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
I am a great fan of Bills story. On pages 13-15 Bill takes the steps and has a spiritual experience. He has been in Towns hospital for about 9 days. There were only six steps at that time. He left the hospital and got straight into step 12, and the rest is history.
It is not so common to see that these days. Too many observers wanting to put the brakes on the newcomer. But it still works just as well now as it did back then.
There was this man in detox. He was around 60 years of age. He was quite ill, but he came to the weekly AA meeting in the detox. He got a sponsor, started on the steps and something happened to him. He was discharged, but since that day has hardly missed that detox meeting, and puts much effort into helping others.
He is about five years sober now, and every time I go back to that town, I am never surprised to see that he is still happily sober. Why, because he did exactly what Bill did, and I have observed that people that do that tend to stay sober.
Wanting to get going on your fourth, and having the insight to see the need are pretty good signs that the first three steps are in hand. My mental state was such at the time that I couldn't take step four on my own, you may be in better shape. But when I saw the need, a beat down my sponsors door and asked him to help me with it. We did four on a Saturday and five the next day.
If you feel the need, I don't see why you can't make a start, while carrying on with your other work.
It is not so common to see that these days. Too many observers wanting to put the brakes on the newcomer. But it still works just as well now as it did back then.
There was this man in detox. He was around 60 years of age. He was quite ill, but he came to the weekly AA meeting in the detox. He got a sponsor, started on the steps and something happened to him. He was discharged, but since that day has hardly missed that detox meeting, and puts much effort into helping others.
He is about five years sober now, and every time I go back to that town, I am never surprised to see that he is still happily sober. Why, because he did exactly what Bill did, and I have observed that people that do that tend to stay sober.
Wanting to get going on your fourth, and having the insight to see the need are pretty good signs that the first three steps are in hand. My mental state was such at the time that I couldn't take step four on my own, you may be in better shape. But when I saw the need, a beat down my sponsors door and asked him to help me with it. We did four on a Saturday and five the next day.
If you feel the need, I don't see why you can't make a start, while carrying on with your other work.
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Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 17
Fear and doing
Originally Posted by Mountainmanbob
There Comes A Time for most recovering alcoholics when they will not fear people or economic situations.
That would be one of those AA promises that I do see played out often.
Congratulations on your 30 days sober.
M-Bob
That would be one of those AA promises that I do see played out often.
Congratulations on your 30 days sober.
M-Bob
Fear is a bugger. A wise person said if there is a problem and you can do something about it then do it, if not why worry? Sounds simple but very often there is a course of action, and that action starts with a simple step... Phew, glad I'm here!
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Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Leduc, Ab
Posts: 758
Thanks Gottalife,
I have been through the steps before a number of years ago with my same sponsor. As for step 4, because of my mental and emotional state I'll definitely be needing his help as I want to be thorough as possibly and to the best of my ability.
I was looking at the step 4 sheets last night trying to get a idea of what I'm going to put down on paper and my anxiety shot through the roof, I couldn't think straight and thought to myself how am I going to do this "I'm going to need some help". There's not a whole lot of resentments I'm needing to put down, but harms done others and fears..... Well lets just say my fear list seems massive at the moment. I'll keep plugging away one day at a time.
I have been through the steps before a number of years ago with my same sponsor. As for step 4, because of my mental and emotional state I'll definitely be needing his help as I want to be thorough as possibly and to the best of my ability.
I was looking at the step 4 sheets last night trying to get a idea of what I'm going to put down on paper and my anxiety shot through the roof, I couldn't think straight and thought to myself how am I going to do this "I'm going to need some help". There's not a whole lot of resentments I'm needing to put down, but harms done others and fears..... Well lets just say my fear list seems massive at the moment. I'll keep plugging away one day at a time.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Hats,
Sorry I missed your last post. My sponsor followed the book with me using the example of Ebby helping Bill through is fourth. These days it is common for the newcomer to be sent off to do it on their own. If that is the case for you, one possibility would be the back to basics approach, if there is someone running a back to basics beginners group in your neighbourhood. My home group runs them periodically. We take newcomers through the steps in four one our sessions, with sharing partners who have taken the steps to help with the work in between.
B2B has a basic fourth step approach which helps learn the principle, while at the same time dealing with the really big blocks, the stuff that keeps you awake at night. I have attended a few of these in difffernt towns and countries and it always amazes me how many newcomers really want to get on with the steps, and how few people in AA are willing to help them.
Whenever I hear "they just don't want it enough" I wonder if I am hearing the truth, or just someone trying to excuse their selfishness.
Sorry I missed your last post. My sponsor followed the book with me using the example of Ebby helping Bill through is fourth. These days it is common for the newcomer to be sent off to do it on their own. If that is the case for you, one possibility would be the back to basics approach, if there is someone running a back to basics beginners group in your neighbourhood. My home group runs them periodically. We take newcomers through the steps in four one our sessions, with sharing partners who have taken the steps to help with the work in between.
B2B has a basic fourth step approach which helps learn the principle, while at the same time dealing with the really big blocks, the stuff that keeps you awake at night. I have attended a few of these in difffernt towns and countries and it always amazes me how many newcomers really want to get on with the steps, and how few people in AA are willing to help them.
Whenever I hear "they just don't want it enough" I wonder if I am hearing the truth, or just someone trying to excuse their selfishness.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 66
You are on the right path to address your situation plus you are not adding to it by being non productive from drinking or wastefully spending money you need for your family. The first 30 days AF are confusing and full of ups and downs, the longer you go the less it becomes and more capable you will be to face life's challenges. You are guilt free in last 30 days not wasting your family's resources, that is something to be happy about.
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