Bluemilk

Thank you all again for the support and kind words.

One thing that's really dawned on me this week is, judging by the dreams I'm having, I have a bunch of unresolved issues. Without going into the details; I can see the cycle I've been trapped in for a while now. I get drunk to gloss over something painful and then my drinking leaves me vulnerable for another manipulative idiot to take advantage. I then get drunk again as I feel downtrodden and used, all the while not seeing how it makes me vulnerable and basically easy to manipulate. Being constantly drunk or in withdrawal has left me so dazed and confused it's been difficult for me to see this unfolding.

They say a sub-clinical psychopath can easily spot victims or marks; I guess I've never really noticed how many of them have flocked towards me like moths to a flame. One of the things I want to achieve through my sobriety is being able to spot these behaviors coming. I want to be able to stand strong and not give off an air of weakness. This doesn't mean looking for fights, far from it. I just don't want to be seen as the little drunk guy who's cash you can take, girl you can screw, property you can damage and them blame it on me for being drunk.

I'm amazed at the clarity I feel I've gained after 1 week of sobriety. I really don't want to dwell on the past but I also feel there's some important lessons to be learnt. When these things pop back into my head; I'm going to simply try and relax and meditate on these events. Negative feelings are a part of life along with positive feelings. I need to learn to accept them into my life and not run from them anymore. Sobriety will help me be stronger mentally, physically and financially. Strength comes from within, not a bottle. I see this now and never want to let sight of that go.

Thank you all for helping me find my strength.

Silverback4

Sounds like your well on your way to a better life.
Keep going and well done on the journey so far.

This drinking crap has been holding us back for years!