Stressedoutgirl

Hi there I am new to this so bit nervous and embarrassed. Just looking for a bit of advice really. Over the last few years I have taken coke occasionally like once a month maybe but over the last 6/7 months that has increased dramatically! I had a baby a year ago now and suffered pnd but was taking anti depressants for it. I started taking it more with my partner when we had a sitter for the kids we would have a drink and some coke I enjoyed it as it made me feel more confident and in the mood for sex then I started taking it bit more till now it's daily. I would hide it from him he would make jokes about me being on it but I'd deny it and it was every other day so my nose was only a bit stuffy but I get hayfever so I'd blame that. But 2 months ago we split for a bit and I moved out with my daughter's I now have my own flat so it was easier to take more as he only stayed a couple of nights. But now my nose is in a terrible state all cut inside and cracked around the nostrils (which i keep picking the skin) and to me it looks like side is wearing away! It's always running too. But instead of giving me a buzz and confidence it's making me a recluse I don't want to go anywhere I am avoiding family and friends because I'm paranoid about my nose. I really want to stop I have managed to hide it so far but I think people are starting to notice. I also don't want to tell family friends or my partner I want to try myself first. I don't want them to be disappointed in me. Any advice would be great thanks for reading

Mountainmanbob

We had a guy in AA that was missing part of his nose due to coke. Detox would be recommended followed up with meetings.
M-Bob

theVman31

Go see your doctor for the nose and open up to family or a friend. When you hear people say the devils dandruff its cause its true. I know. So when you say "I really want to stop" I hope you want it bad enough... not just because your nose looks like ****. You said it was easier to take more in your own flat, how many grams are you taking ? When was the last time ?

Delete all your numbers.. you know what I mean.
Loads of water and get help and put a plan in place... What are you going to do when you feel like crap and the craving is unbearable ?

Its a good thing you came here. It really is.. You can do this and have a wonderful life with your daughter.

Vinny.

Dee74

Hi and welcome stressedoutgirl

I don't know anything about coke, but I know you'll find a lot of support here.

Whats your plan to stay clean?

D

MindfulMan

My advice is talk to a doctor about your nose, and get a referral for a psych consult with an addiction specialist. They will then suggest a course of treatment.

Cocaine addiction can progress extremely quickly, and often leads to comorbid addiction to narcotics, benzos and/or alcohol to keep the anxiety and stimulant effects of the cocaine at bay.

If you're isolating and have pretty serious nasal issues you definitely need some kind of help ASAP.

I was cross-addicted to cocaine and alcohol for a good year, it was nightmarish. I stopped the coke when I was able to return to work and got some good psychotherapy, but it was extremely tough to do. Unfortunately the alcoholism remained.

Stressedoutgirl

Hey vinny, thank you for replying. I really do want to stop! It's not enjoyable anymore. The last time was Friday. I take a bit more when girls are up at my partners house as he gets his older 3 kids too so I have time to myself. I really don't want to tell family or my partner at the moment. You said make a plan how and what do I Do?

Nowsthetime

Hello! Welcome to the family.

Please be careful with your nose. It's the only one you have.

I know someone who had to have a platinum bridge implanted on his nose because of coke use. The coke ate up the nose. Now he never goes out because he is embarrassed of his looks.

Do a search about plan here. You will see lots of threads. The plan is pretty much how you will handle certain situations in the future, it's all about being prepared.

I believe that you want to quit and it won't be easy but it will be so worth it. Please come here and post before you consume. The support here is amazing and there's always someone here.

Hope to see you around.

Stressedoutgirl

Thank you so much it's nice to know there's people here that can relate to me. I will need to have a look on this for a plan I'm still unsure how to use it yet. I have been sitting today thinking that I should just open up to my councillor that I see for my post natal but I am scared! I don't want to loose my girls. I know I'm being a terrible mother by taking it anyway. It's never in front of them!! I'll have a line in the morning before they wake then when my older girl is at school if baby naps I'll have a couple but it's when they go to bed I take a bit more. The thing is I wouldn't sit with a bottle of wine and get drunk if they were here! That's crazy. I stopped taking my anti depressants because I missed a couple when I had moved out and I felt fine so missed a couple more but now I know that would have been the coke making me feel like my mood was better but now I realise I do need them I'm not sure if that's why I started taking it bit more but now I know it's not giving me the same party feeling it's not making me feel like I want to clean the whole house it's making me want to just sit on the couch. I want to get back out and enjoy life again

Dee74

this is a great link on plans stressedoutgirl

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...very-plan.html (What exactly is a recovery plan?)
D

FreeOwl

for me to get away from the blow, I had to:

delete all my numbers for the dealers I scored from

delete all my numbers for friends I knew I could hook up from

block all the same numbers to avoid re-connecting

stop doing all the things that put me in connection with coke (a tall order when I was living in southern california)

start a whole bunch of new, healthy habits that got me out of the house and doing other things

get into therapy (not directly about addiction at that time, but very helpful toward coping with life challenges while getting clean)

resolve not to touch the stuff again

eventually, I moved away entirely. to another country where even if I'd wanted coke, it would have been next to impossible to find. Thankfully by that time I'd gotten over my desire for it and gotten gratefully free of it. Horrible stuff.

I'd suggest NA, too. I didn't use it back then but knowing what I know now about AA and NA, it would have been a big help.

arieswoman002

Hi SOG...I think it's amazing that you want to get help. Do you know how many people won't even say that? You are doing your best with what you know right now in your life. Your girls are lucky to have a mother that wants to better herself.

My ex of 4+ years left me because of cocaine and after only 5 months has already moved on and has never even apologized for what he did to me. I am not a user, so I was just curious...what does it feel like when you are coming down? Do you feel any guilt? Is it like a depression? I am just trying to understand this and educate myself.

MindfulMan

CA is a great program, and open to all substance abusers regardless of the substance.

I go there sometimes instead of AA, as I'm also an addict.