taplow

I lost my whole post which is no loss to everyone else. It's 3.00 pm in the UK. I've drank 2 bottles of wine. I know the 3rd isn't going to last until I can sleep so I'm getting ready to go out for my 4th. I misplanned and started too early. If I'm working I can limit it to two, if I'm not I can get by on three.
It's this timing ahead that's the problem. I feel i need to be stocked up until the close of play. I really wish that I could just drink and then stop when I knew it was over. What I do is I look ahead and count the hours. I usually time as a bottle of wine for 3 hours. I know it doesn't sound like much but it's really killing me.
There are sober times with me but they're getting shorter. And here I am getting ready to go out for the 4th bottle. In my mind tomorrow I'll be reborn. May as well finish off with a bang.
I'll know that in my state there's no advice I'll take at the moment, but I know I do need something to look on tomorrow. I'm drinking and while I'm drinking I'm talking about how much I don't want to be drinking. There's absolutely no pleasure in this at all. I think that I need a life before I can get rid of alcohol and no one can help me with this.
I'm on my own but I can't help thinking that if I was in a family I would have been made to go into some kind of progamme or something. Anyway, there's no point in any of this I know. I'm drinking and clearly not liking it. This certainly isn't the house of fun. I'm kind of desperate in advance if you will. I know that tomorrow is looming. I don't want a repeat of today. What goes on tomorrow? What would you do if you were determined to make tomorrow your first day? Any advice on what to do tomorrow to not repeat the cycle?

joandmelandhan

Taplow I'm a little worried at the amount of alcohol you're planning to drink today. I'm not going to suggest tipping your third away (although you do know that would be the best plan and go to bed now even if its the afternoon) but a 4th bottle......that's a scary amount of alcohol in your system. Maybe deadly even. Plus the more you have today the worse the withdrawal will be. Could you use that third bottle as a kind of taper of sorts to get you through the night? Please don't go get a 4th.......
Sending you support today please please don't get more xxx

taplow

I haven't started the 3rd but I'm looking at it. I know that when I do I'll go and buy the 4th, unless I can hang on for a few more hours. I can't hang on. It's awful isn't it? I know what I'll do, I'll do what I normally do and tell myself that I'll buy a last bottle as insurance and pour it away.
What a life.

Sammie7

I totally understand your question about tomorrow but unfortunately cannot answer it. The family thing is a help - my children hate me drinking so I can get through day 1 (so much easier than when I am on my own) and do decent lengths of sobriety. What I have realised though is you will only become totally sober is if you really want it. My children have gone back to university today and I am a glass down - will hate myself tomorrow. They will move on in their lives so I knew it is my battle with myself and alcohol. I spent 30 years of my life being a normal drinker and the last 12 as an alcoholic, I hate the fact that it rules me and the hours of thought it occupies even when sober. I know that this will always be there as I have crossed the line but really hoping it gets easier. Here's to a sober Sunday

joandmelandhan

I'm just worried you might have an "eff it" moment and down both. Please don't do that.
Start training your mind that tomorrow is your day. Your day 1. And that no matter what tomorrow is the day your life will begin and you'll put the drink down for good.
I've been where you are. Nobody here is special or different or in any way "better". It does take guts and work and courage but you've got that. You just don't know it yet.
Please take care today xxx

Renvate

4 bottles is tough! Dont do it.

I did it 1.5 weeks ago (reason Iam here) and it's not good. The last bottle did nothing, I actually did not get drunk, all that happened was I got red blotches all over my body, and I got shortness of breath and Tight chest.

Don't even ask me about the hangover....which will always make you go out and get more anyway.

taplow

Sammie I like what you said about the hours of thought it takes up when you're sober. It's always there unless you can get a decent run going. It does die down I know that.
Hopefully I can start again. Tomorrow, tomorrow I love you tomorrow.......etc

ReadyAtLast

Maybe google Rational Recovery : AVRT if you've not looked at it before. For me, it made so much sense, the whole drinking even though I didn't really want to drink.

You say you think you need a life before you can get rid of the alcohol. Maybe look at it the other way round - you won't truly have a life UNTIL you get rid of the alcohol. I know for me when I quit last time my life improved so much, more than I ever believed possible. Cliche maybe but true

It doesn't matter if you have family who might make you go. truly no one can make you go or make you stop unless YOU truly want to stop.

mielz

You can hold on too where u are. You know where that forth will get u and u know is no where good, I know the craving and the desire the way it seems so perfect and like the only thing that gets you. But what comes after for hours and hours after will be painful. Sending you love support and hope u can do it even if it means taking a nap doing something to get ur mind off the forth bottle

taplow

Thanks Renvate and joandemelendhen. That's a crazy name. Like it very much.
Yes, the day 1 is already here isn't it? It'll be no easier then either.

taplow

ReadyAtLast I did try the ARVT and thought it was really good, but here I am again. There's a book called the Little Book of Big Change by Amy Johnson which runs along the same principles. I actually what I learned there was the solution to my problems. You listen to your addictive voice as if it's separate to you as it's only the primative part of your brain that just demands pleasure. You know, watch it, enjoy it's little tricks.
Hi Mielzt, thanks for the support. Much appreciated.

dwtbd

From the OP the thing that resonated most with me the idea of tomorrow, one last hoorah, next day reborn ,tomorrow ect.
That was mantra for years , as trite as it sounds I'd keep drinking if my plan was to quit tomorrow.
AVRT without a Big Plan is an attempt to prevent a relapse, and attempting to prevent a relapse means one plans on drinking again , i.e. the absence of the Big Plan.
Quitting happens all at once , i.e. Now, planning on quitting anytime other than Now is a plan to keep drinking.
You can make a Big Plan whenever you want and it only happens once.
I highly recommend making one.

stephengb

Taplow, call AA helpline and get yourself to a meeting. I was in a similar situation 3 months ago today. AA works because you talk to people who understand and have been where you are. Relax take a bath and wait a few hours until you drink more.

Fusion

Hi Taplow, I can't offer any more advice than your rational self knows. I too drank at least 2 bottles of wine a day (a good day) frequently 3 plus bottles. All the while not 'wishing to' in the depths of my heart, soul, whatever I called it.

I learnt AVRT and made a Big Plan, the BP is crucial and central to AVRT. No BP, no AVRT. It isn't the case of 'I have an AV and sometimes I relapse' instead it's 'I have an AV but it doesn't have me, because I'm forever safe and secure with my BP.

After I made my BP I came across Dr. Amy Johnson's "Little Book of Big Change". It's useful and informative, but it omits the BP. I'm just over a year sober and my life has transformed. I have no desire to drink whatsoever. If the thought of a drink ever crops up, it's instantly and effortlessly dismissed, because the thought isnt 'me'.

Please make the choice to damage limit and stop drinking today.

doggonecarl

I drank ten years determined to quit "tomorrow." If you are determined to quit, pour out what you have, now, and don't buy anything more.

Anna

Taplow, I found that 'tomorrow' always ended up the same as today. I hope you decide to stop now. Don't wait until tomorrow.

fini

I think that I need a life before I can get rid of alcohol and no one can help me with this.

this is backwards, taplow. it's the other way around.

... can't help thinking that if I was in a family I would have been made to go into some kind of progamme or something.

yes, i used to dwell in that place of not taking responsibility....wishing i would be "made" to go for help. and knowing i would have resisted and made sure it "didn't work".

you want help, go get it. whether that's peer support, detox, rehab, AA, AVRT, addiction counseling...

taplow

I won't go on too long because in my opinion a drunk person isn't worth listnening to. There's some lovely answers here that I just can't do justice to. fini with your nice backwards reasoning and Anna with your lovely Siameses'.
Tatsy that's taken onboard though I don't know if i can do that and Carl, yes I wish. Stephen, the AA helpline sounds good. Never knew about it. Too late for today.

taplow

x

Fusion

How are you now, Taplow? Can you perhaps pour some of it away? Whatever you decide to do, we're still listening.