Drumkey

I've been drinking regularly for I don't know how many years. It's only twice a week, and I also mix it with pot. Usually I drink a six pack of strong IPAs and then comes the weed, which really settles me down and I feel like "myself", able to open up and live easier in the present.

However, as we all know this is not a solution to all our problems. I'd like to find some peace within without these crutches. Even though I'm not an every day drinker, I find this to be like any other addiction and rationalizing that other people may drink more to justify what I'm doing has no value. I still must be an alcoholic as I can't go without it for more than 4 or 5 days, and I sometimes plan my schedule around it, and the next day is usually shot as far as getting anything constructive done.

I have always had anxiety and depression issues most of my life, and when I go sober for so long, I'm crawling out of my skin with anxiety. Somehow I'll have to find a way to deal with this, and see if there is "another side". I have a number of aches and pains and this has been a temporary but wrong "solution". An old friend of mine who has been sober for years now said the aches and pains could very well be related to inflammation caused by the alcohol.

I'm a musician and it's become commonplace for me to procrastinate on practice and new methods. I also fish out of a kayak a few days a week, great escape but the aches and pains, not always good. I want to quit this for good and really stick it out this time but I know I can't do it alone.

I went over a week without pot and passed a drug test, new job coming up. I've discovered that drinking alone for me is not good as the depressive aspect comes into play, hence the pot - but now I will be on a driving job and don't know if they will randomly test. I need this job as it's only a few years until I retire.

I'm attempting this out of necessity ,and also a willingness with support to find strength to go the extra mile. I don't know what the other side is like but I know if I can get there I will have more self respect and maybe can finally get some things done that I enjoy. I have no days under my belt as I drank last night, but I plan on coming here to stay accountable and learn about this whole new way of approaching life.

jessicamae

This is great that you recognize that this is becoming a problem or is a problem. I think once we start noticing patterns in our lives such as putting things off, planning our schedule around drinking/drugs and maybe having pain possibly due to or drink; we might be ready to make a change.

It sounds like you are right there knowing there is a problem. What worked for me was going to a meeting and sitting and listening to what others were saying. I took what I wanted and left what I didn't and then found that I was similar to everyone in that room.

To be completely honest, getting sober/clean is not for the sissies lol, it is a process that in the beginning can be very uncomfortable and a little hard. The more days that you have sober where the drink and drug leave your body, the better you will feel physically and mentally. I always look at it as like a fog that was in my brain, consuming my thoughts and actions. Each day with abstinence, the fog would dissipate more and more. Getting clean and sober was the best thing I have ever done for myself, I would have gone through 10 times more pain, in the beginning, to be and feel who I am now.

This is a great place to come and to check in, ask questions and/or advice. Honestly about your problem is the first step. Keep moving forward and for today, don't drink. Don't think too far in the future because it can be very overwhelming. As I have heard many old timers say, if you have one foot in the past and one foot in the future then you are shi**ing on the present. So true!

SaturatedSeize

Welcome to SR, thanks for showing, and hopefully we can be some of the support you need.

This forum, and the people here, have been pivotal in my sobriety. Definitely take the time to look around, read everyone's stories, and take what you can for inspiration. Our ability to support YOU assists US in our recovery as well.

Your feelings on anxiety and depression will be a theme you come across regularly, for myself included. My anxiety and depression and my moods are all over the place while on my early road to recovery. We have to actually "feel" these feelings, and I don't know how, as I've used alcohol to subdue these feelings for years.

This is the way we as humans are supposed to be though, I NEED to feel these feelings in order to deal with the underlying issues. It's how we can get healthy, the right way.

I tried doing this alone, and failed, so many times. I continue to struggle daily, but I know when I come here, I get inspired again. Do you have any local support?

Best of luck, settle in, we are all along with you for the ride.

Drumkey

Thanks for the replies, I'll need to check for AA meetings in my area. Like so many addictions, I've always just given in when it got uncomfortable, and now I'll have to deal with the discomfort. Also as a side note, but not really applicable here except for being another addiction, I've quit looking at porn and am at another site for that. That is another addiction that many people are not aware at how insidious it can be. Just like quitting drinking, you have to quit the porn habit for good as well, it's the only way to getting back a real sense of yourself. I'll be looking around here, and if I can help anyone else I will. Thanks again.

SoberLeigh

Welcome to SR, Drumkey.

I hope that the understanding, support and encouragement that you find will help you achieve lasting sobriety and recovery.

I hope, too, that you find what so many of us here have found - that living in sobriety and recovery is an exponentially better way to live.

We are here for you.

Please lean on us.

Anna

Hi and I'm glad you've made the decision to stop drinking. I think you will find that it's definitely worth the effort to be able to be free from the addiction. As you look around here, you will find lots of ideas on recovery plans, but however you decide to stop drinking, it's good to have a plan.

And, it's not unusual to be addicted to more than one thing or to shift addictions. It's important to remember than stopping the drinking/porn is the first step, but we usually need to make lifestyle changes as well.

Drumkey

Thank you.

Maudcat

Welcome, Drumkey.
I lived in Montgomery County, PA for many years. Know Norristown well.
It sounds like you are ready to make a change.
No advice, really.
Just take of yourself. Eat when you are hungry, drink lots of water, get outside as much as you can.
It all helps.
It's good to keep busy during those times when you really want to drink.
Maybe change up your schedule a bit?
Good luck and good thoughts.