How to commit from thinking to knowing you have a problem
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 19
How to commit from thinking to knowing you have a problem
no one has ever told me I have a problem, maybe that would make it easier? I'm not sure how to explain but I'm sure more people than not have gone through this. I feel some days I can justify away any drinking to days where I feel I should just stop because that would be better for me. I want to be fully rested in the fact that I'd have a problem but I can't get there or if I do I can't stay there. How can I get myself to realize I have an issue and be fully convinced??
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,491
What I know is that it gets worse.
I drank for a few years, and in the first year, it wasn't noticeable and I was able to hide it and justify it. But, it got worse, much worse. If you have an opportunity to stop it now, take advantage of it.
I drank for a few years, and in the first year, it wasn't noticeable and I was able to hide it and justify it. But, it got worse, much worse. If you have an opportunity to stop it now, take advantage of it.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Something to think about coming from an older recovered drunk.
Even though I did not lose my career or my house etc etc due to my drinking as I look back I see where i would have went a lot further in life if I would have stopped drinking earlier on.
Seems the question maybe just how much do I wish to sacrifice so as to keep on drinking? The answer me be more than I realized.
M-Bob
Even though I did not lose my career or my house etc etc due to my drinking as I look back I see where i would have went a lot further in life if I would have stopped drinking earlier on.
Seems the question maybe just how much do I wish to sacrifice so as to keep on drinking? The answer me be more than I realized.
M-Bob
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
Originally Posted by Mountainmanbob 
Even though I did not lose my career or my house etc etc due to my drinking as I look back I see where i would have went a lot further in life if I would have stopped drinking earlier on.
M-Bob
I didn't really lose anything big like a career, house, marriage etc but I could have achieved so much more in life and sooner, had I not been drunk throughout my 20s and 30s.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
well... I can tell you how I did it, and how I watched many other people do it.....
SUFFERING
It appears that the most effective path from considering we MIGHT have a problem to knowing we do is directly associated with spending time sitting in enough jail cells, losing enough relationships, enough misery and physical pain, enough awful consequences, losing jobs, losing friends, or maybe killing enough people through drunken negligence.
Now... I am a firm believer that there is a path around that suffering. I don't think we have to go through hell to recovery. I think you can CHOOSE your own "bottom".
So maybe ask it a different way;
Regardless of whether I have a problem - how much BETTER could my life be if I lived it in sobriety?
What might that look like?
Look at the many many stories of recovery and look at what people say about their lives.
Here is my experience:
Sobriety is present. It's joyful. It's grateful. It's abundant. It comes with great fortune. It is growth. It's love. It's FUN. It's energy. It's enthusiasm. It's integrity. It's trustworthiness. It's fitness. It's awareness. It's responsibility, respectability, excellence, experience, being there, helping, giving, loving, caring, being, it's LIFE.... it is truly living LIFE.
Do you really need to have a PROBLEM to want that OPPORTUNITY?
SUFFERING
It appears that the most effective path from considering we MIGHT have a problem to knowing we do is directly associated with spending time sitting in enough jail cells, losing enough relationships, enough misery and physical pain, enough awful consequences, losing jobs, losing friends, or maybe killing enough people through drunken negligence.
Now... I am a firm believer that there is a path around that suffering. I don't think we have to go through hell to recovery. I think you can CHOOSE your own "bottom".
So maybe ask it a different way;
Regardless of whether I have a problem - how much BETTER could my life be if I lived it in sobriety?
What might that look like?
Look at the many many stories of recovery and look at what people say about their lives.
Here is my experience:
Sobriety is present. It's joyful. It's grateful. It's abundant. It comes with great fortune. It is growth. It's love. It's FUN. It's energy. It's enthusiasm. It's integrity. It's trustworthiness. It's fitness. It's awareness. It's responsibility, respectability, excellence, experience, being there, helping, giving, loving, caring, being, it's LIFE.... it is truly living LIFE.
Do you really need to have a PROBLEM to want that OPPORTUNITY?
09/26/2015
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: northwest AR
Posts: 88
For me, when I started using/drinking it was for fun and to fit in. Of course, I was 14 so it was definitely a coping mechanism for never feeling like I fit in. As time went on and I got deeper and deeper into my addiction, it was to maintain and to get "well". I knew when I was 21 that I was an addict/alcoholic but I actually justified it by thinking "this is what I am and all I will ever be" and later on it got to "I'm ok with dying this way" Then I would get sober and think "I got this"...... oh no no, it is always worse.
The truth of the matter is that for this addict/alcoholic I had to really face some major consequences before I was ready to surrender. Gave kids, family, friends, soul, life etc. away before making a change.
To me, there is a difference between admitting you are an alcoholic and then admitting you are powerless. Also, it only matters if you think you are or not. Someone can tell you all day until they are blue in the face that you are but until you notice it, change will not occur. It sounds like you are aware there could be a problem and that is the first step. I would suggest going to an AA meeting and just listening to everyone else share. I knew I was home when the things that people were saying they did and thought were so much like me. There is nothing better than being able to tell someone you used to drive drunk with your kids in the car passing out and having someone else say "me too, but look how far we have come"
Good Luck to you =)
The truth of the matter is that for this addict/alcoholic I had to really face some major consequences before I was ready to surrender. Gave kids, family, friends, soul, life etc. away before making a change.
To me, there is a difference between admitting you are an alcoholic and then admitting you are powerless. Also, it only matters if you think you are or not. Someone can tell you all day until they are blue in the face that you are but until you notice it, change will not occur. It sounds like you are aware there could be a problem and that is the first step. I would suggest going to an AA meeting and just listening to everyone else share. I knew I was home when the things that people were saying they did and thought were so much like me. There is nothing better than being able to tell someone you used to drive drunk with your kids in the car passing out and having someone else say "me too, but look how far we have come"
Good Luck to you =)
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
How to commit from thinking to knowing you have a problem
"How can I get myself to realize I have an issue and be fully convinced??'
remove the denial.
maybe print these out and put em where you can read em very often:
-Each morning I wake up and feel the worst regret of my drinking the previous night
-I'm ashamed to say and I know I have a problem
-Yes the anxiety I feel every morning is rough!
-
I don't want to take the easy way that will affect my health badly
I don't want to miss out by being anxious the day after about my problem
I don't want to be shaky
I don't want to have a hangover (headache)
I want to get good sleep
I want to feel good about myself and my strength
I don't want to think so much about alcohol
someone else telling you that you have a problem wont make it any easier.
what will make it easier?
imo, getting out of denial, suckin it up, and getting into action.
like the ones here that are sober have had to do.
well worth it,sar.
"How can I get myself to realize I have an issue and be fully convinced??'
remove the denial.
maybe print these out and put em where you can read em very often:
-Each morning I wake up and feel the worst regret of my drinking the previous night
-I'm ashamed to say and I know I have a problem
-Yes the anxiety I feel every morning is rough!
-
I don't want to take the easy way that will affect my health badly
I don't want to miss out by being anxious the day after about my problem
I don't want to be shaky
I don't want to have a hangover (headache)
I want to get good sleep
I want to feel good about myself and my strength
I don't want to think so much about alcohol
someone else telling you that you have a problem wont make it any easier.
what will make it easier?
imo, getting out of denial, suckin it up, and getting into action.
like the ones here that are sober have had to do.
well worth it,sar.
09/26/2015
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: northwest AR
Posts: 88
Originally Posted by tomsteve
How to commit from thinking to about alcohol
someone else telling you that you have a problem wont make it any easier.
what will make it easier?
imo, getting out of denial, suckin it up, and getting into action.
like the ones here that are sober have had to do.
well worth it,sar.
someone else telling you that you have a problem wont make it any easier.
what will make it easier?
imo, getting out of denial, suckin it up, and getting into action.
like the ones here that are sober have had to do.
well worth it,sar.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Derbyshire Dales, UK.
Posts: 2,618
You wouldn't be here, basically. You're not on a food addiction forum, wondering if you have a food addiction, or a website about combustion engines - why? because they're not relevent to you, or on your mind
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
I think many of us struggled with the thought of "convincing" ourselves we had a problem. I did not convince myself, instead I accepted. Acceptance made things so much easier. The pressure was lifted once I accepted the facts. Its been a life changing experience.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 322
I thought a bottle of wine per night wasnt a problem, besides my father does it alll the time.
I was in sobriety EXCEPT one beer at a restaurant was allowed - 3 times a week.
All those empty bottles around my room was not a problem.
Anger problems, also was not a problem
Very bad digestion, also not a problem
I don't or never had have a problem...
Until I woke up one day realising ...I had a problem and I will Ruin my life and because I nearly ruined Someone else's
I literally had a slap in the face, wake up ca moment. Perhaps you need something bad to happen to see that alcohol is a problem?
All the best
I was in sobriety EXCEPT one beer at a restaurant was allowed - 3 times a week.
All those empty bottles around my room was not a problem.
Anger problems, also was not a problem
Very bad digestion, also not a problem
I don't or never had have a problem...
Until I woke up one day realising ...I had a problem and I will Ruin my life and because I nearly ruined Someone else's
I literally had a slap in the face, wake up ca moment. Perhaps you need something bad to happen to see that alcohol is a problem?
All the best
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 928
This is the only disease that tells us we don’t have it. That little voice is your AV trying to trick you.
That’s one of the hardest things for me to come to grips with. That I can’t even trust my own judgement when it comes to alcohol. It’s a disease of mind, body, and spirit.
Personally, I would have found it helpful if people were badgering me, telling me I had a problem. Like a second (or third, etc.) opinion. No one ever did.
Yea ultimately we have to decide for ourselves. But we need outside help. I know first hand how cunning, baffling, powerful this thing can be.
That’s one of the hardest things for me to come to grips with. That I can’t even trust my own judgement when it comes to alcohol. It’s a disease of mind, body, and spirit.
Personally, I would have found it helpful if people were badgering me, telling me I had a problem. Like a second (or third, etc.) opinion. No one ever did.
Yea ultimately we have to decide for ourselves. But we need outside help. I know first hand how cunning, baffling, powerful this thing can be.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: CA
Posts: 967
For me, I had to face major consequences before I truly embraced my alcoholism. "Utter defeat" is mentioned in an AA book. Until I faced this utter defeat, I played around with drinking and recovery. I guess some people can give up drinking before feeling this utter defeat or having significant consequences, but that was not my experience. I always felt growing up that there was a back door out of my alcoholism, until now.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 322
Originally Posted by FreedomCA
For me, I had to face major consequences before I truly embraced my alcoholism. "Utter defeat" is mentioned in an AA book. Until I faced this utter defeat, I played around with drinking and recovery. I guess some people can give up drinking before feeling this utter defeat or having significant consequences, but that was not my experience. I always felt growing up that there was a back door out of my alcoholism, until now.
Or the best one "every person has a vice, alcohol is mine"
G-Woman
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Mississauga, ON
Posts: 979
If you're already thinking it, then you know what the answer is.
You've already said that you think it would be better for you to stop, so why not give it a try? Why is it so important to keep drinking?
It wouldn't be a tug of war inside the mind if you didn't have a problem. You'd just....stop.
You've already said that you think it would be better for you to stop, so why not give it a try? Why is it so important to keep drinking?
It wouldn't be a tug of war inside the mind if you didn't have a problem. You'd just....stop.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Western New York
Posts: 2,445
When i drank, i hid how bad it bad it was from the non-alcoholics in my life. The heavy drinkers in my life wanted me to continue drinking. Keep ththe r party going! And they didn't/don't want to face their own drinking. Drinkers know how to enable themselves. Avoid criticism and surround themselves with other drinkers. I certainly did.
I knew when I started drinking about 20 years ago that it was unsustainable. I drank too much too quickly. I was dealing with a lot of emotional turmoil at the time and experienced blackouts early on. I later gained some "control" to my drinking, but never entirely. I knew my drinking was a problem. I would be in control most of the time but have periodic "incidents". I always knew deep down though that I had a problem and would be better off not drinking. I couldn't drink within safe limits. I took chances and did risky things (drive drunk). I couldn't control my temper.
How do you convince yourself you have a problem? Take 3 month off from drinkng and see how you feel. Do a self inventory like doggonecarl suggested.
Welcome, wishing you the best.
I knew when I started drinking about 20 years ago that it was unsustainable. I drank too much too quickly. I was dealing with a lot of emotional turmoil at the time and experienced blackouts early on. I later gained some "control" to my drinking, but never entirely. I knew my drinking was a problem. I would be in control most of the time but have periodic "incidents". I always knew deep down though that I had a problem and would be better off not drinking. I couldn't drink within safe limits. I took chances and did risky things (drive drunk). I couldn't control my temper.
How do you convince yourself you have a problem? Take 3 month off from drinkng and see how you feel. Do a self inventory like doggonecarl suggested.
Welcome, wishing you the best.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 1,518
Originally Posted by ReadyAtLast
This sums it up perfectly for me too. Thanks Bob I didn't really lose anything big like a career, house, marriage etc but I could have achieved so much more in life and sooner, had I not been drunk throughout my 20s and 30s.
I didn't really lose anything big like a career, house, marriage etc but I could have achieved so much more in life and sooner, had I not been drunk throughout my 20s and 30s.Great wisdom hear from ones who know - BB says " stick by the winners" I wish I had .
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