Boy friend, new to my girl friends recovery. Need support and have questions.
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Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 15
Originally Posted by ReadyAtLast 
Maybe she needs space. Emotionally and physically. As you say, you sleeping on the floor is YOUR need to be close to her. It's great you are there for her but perhaps you don't need to be physically in the same room as her.
As you say, you just sort of ended up living togteher. Do you have your own place still? Maybe go back to it and give her the space she needs, whilst telling her you are there for her. If she loves you she will come to you.
I know I'm still in my first month and really just need the space to do that. I have no time or energy for anyone else. As selfish as it sounds, it's true
As you say, you just sort of ended up living togteher. Do you have your own place still? Maybe go back to it and give her the space she needs, whilst telling her you are there for her. If she loves you she will come to you.
I know I'm still in my first month and really just need the space to do that. I have no time or energy for anyone else. As selfish as it sounds, it's true
Congratulations on being in your first month! Stay strong and realize that you have the world at your finger tips right now! :0)
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Join Date: Sep 2017
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Originally Posted by MindfulMan
My experience at 60 days was depression, zero libido, and the inability to be intimate with everyone.
That changed at about 90 days, when my libido came back with a vengeance, and slowly my need for connection returned.
Not sure if women had the same experience.
That changed at about 90 days, when my libido came back with a vengeance, and slowly my need for connection returned.
Not sure if women had the same experience.
She is trying and I know it is really bothering her. I just think she needs time and not to be hassled about it. My problem is getting trapped inside my head and thinking it is me.
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Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Toronto, ON
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You're doing all you can and beyond. If you feel it may be you contributing and being there too much, then the only solution to put yourself at ease is to give her more space and let her come to you.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
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i would offer you caution:
that whole 90 days thing;
dont expect it. it could take much,much longer- a year or over- for some alcoholics to find themselves and start loving themselves again.
be careful not to suffocate someone ya love.
that whole 90 days thing;
dont expect it. it could take much,much longer- a year or over- for some alcoholics to find themselves and start loving themselves again.
be careful not to suffocate someone ya love.
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Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Canada
Posts: 251
Its good that you are being so supportive, but the sleeping on the floor thing Is a little odd. You can still sleep in the bed and not cuddle or touch her? Its is a bit selfish for her to want you near her and not wanting you to sleep on the couch, but you have to sleep on the floor?
When you say that you lost her for 5 years to addiction, was she literally not seeing you and out using? Or where you there the whole time and she was just not the same person....
Good Luck with everything, it can be very difficult to understand someone in early recovery.
When you say that you lost her for 5 years to addiction, was she literally not seeing you and out using? Or where you there the whole time and she was just not the same person....
Good Luck with everything, it can be very difficult to understand someone in early recovery.
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Join Date: Sep 2017
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Originally Posted by Caprice6
You're doing all you can and beyond. If you feel it may be you contributing and being there too much, then the only solution to put yourself at ease is to give her more space and let her come to you.
I guess I just need reinforcement that this is part of her process like she has told me. It gets hard despite her telling me she loves me. I constantly go back and forth in my head saying is it me? Or is really part of the her process?
Earlier this month I attempted to create some distance between us and give her some space. We talked about it after I gentle did it and she did not like it, which was good because neither did I.
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Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 15
Originally Posted by tomsteve
i would offer you caution:
that whole 90 days thing;
dont expect it. it could take much,much longer- a year or over- for some alcoholics to find themselves and start loving themselves again.
be careful not to suffocate someone ya love.
that whole 90 days thing;
dont expect it. it could take much,much longer- a year or over- for some alcoholics to find themselves and start loving themselves again.
be careful not to suffocate someone ya love.
You bring up an excellent point about sufficating. I actually told her I was worried she was feeling that way a few weeks ago when she asked me to bare with her. She got a little apprehensive that I would even think that at first but I explained to her I'm not fighting the battle she is so sometimes I will need to ask questions like that.
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Join Date: Sep 2017
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Originally Posted by icandothis20
Its good that you are being so supportive, but the sleeping on the floor thing Is a little odd. You can still sleep in the bed and not cuddle or touch her? Its is a bit selfish for her to want you near her and not wanting you to sleep on the couch, but you have to sleep on the floor?
When you say that you lost her for 5 years to addiction, was she literally not seeing you and out using? Or where you there the whole time and she was just not the same person....
Good Luck with everything, it can be very difficult to understand someone in early recovery.
When you say that you lost her for 5 years to addiction, was she literally not seeing you and out using? Or where you there the whole time and she was just not the same person....
Good Luck with everything, it can be very difficult to understand someone in early recovery.
I try not to over think things but coming here and talking is me looking out for my self. Doing something for me. I also keep in mind that I do not understand the battle she is fighting and as of right now I'm here for support. When she is more capable of handling the next level of our relationship she will let me know. Until then my first priority is me creating boundries and communicating why they are there, second her recovery and then third building our relationship.
We are very close and always have been. To the point where before I realized there was a problem she needed money I would bring it to her and she refused to take it from me. I did not realize what was going on then but knowing where she was at and why now really melted my heart that despite being sick, she would not take my money.
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Join Date: Sep 2017
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Originally Posted by sylvie83
P.s. just read your other replies! Sorry 
See why you say you're on the floor and what she has said too, but maybe have a think anyway
And the "friends an family" forum is still full of info I think you may find helpful.
Best of luck
See why you say you're on the floor and what she has said too, but maybe have a think anyway
And the "friends an family" forum is still full of info I think you may find helpful.
Best of luck
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Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
Sounds like you're still co-dependent on her. Sleeping on the floor? That makes my back/neck hurt to read. I'd suggest reading the book "co-dependent no more". It took me a few months to get my head 'right' and when it was right I ended things with my long term GF who was still actively drinking. I grew to like the new me and not the same old her. It's quite amazing the mask of the active addict and what it hides from ones true self. Co-dependency is also an addiction(to me) btw. Welcome to SR.
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Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Toronto, ON
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Originally Posted by Lobo33
I know it means a lot to her all I have done in standing by her through this difficult time. I'm a non custodial parent of two children and due to my living situation I'm no stranger to sleeping on the floor. I do not feel as if I'm contributing to much, if anything I wish I could do more.
I guess I just need reinforcement that this is part of her process like she has told me. It gets hard despite her telling me she loves me. I constantly go back and forth in my head saying is it me? Or is really part of the her process?
Earlier this month I attempted to create some distance between us and give her some space. We talked about it after I gentle did it and she did not like it, which was good because neither did I.
I guess I just need reinforcement that this is part of her process like she has told me. It gets hard despite her telling me she loves me. I constantly go back and forth in my head saying is it me? Or is really part of the her process?
Earlier this month I attempted to create some distance between us and give her some space. We talked about it after I gentle did it and she did not like it, which was good because neither did I.
Recovery or not, imo you are compromising yourself too much to whatever her needs require.
It's difficult to point fingers, maybe the reasons lie somewhere in the middle.
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Lobo, you are always welcome to post here, too. 
One thing that jumped out at me was the antidepressant you mentioned. It's not uncommon for antidepressants to cause loss of libido. It's something she might want to consider and possibly talk to her dr about.
One thing that jumped out at me was the antidepressant you mentioned. It's not uncommon for antidepressants to cause loss of libido. It's something she might want to consider and possibly talk to her dr about.
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