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Old 09-20-2017, 10:51 PM   #1 (permalink)
Sick n tired
 

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Nearly got me soooo


Well last night my head was screaming for a drink. I had a bad day a meeting I didn't have any patience with and my son had got in trouble for messing around in school so I got called in. I got to that place of self pity it's all my fault I'm a bad mom I'm hopeless my life is a mess I'm a failure etc etc etc. By 7pm I was obsessing about wine. I got through it I prayed tried to call my sponsor and read on here. I went to bed early and listened to Aa speaker tapes. How ever I'm 3 months nearly and I can't believe I nearly threw it away. I need to re focus. I get so irritable although I'm trying to work my programme. I am so busy with the kids and I feel so isolated as a single mum but why why why would I risk everything for wine. I know because I'm an alcoholic. Still I'm greatful I didn't pick up but it was strong and it played all my defects. God give me protection against this insidious horrible illness. Hate it I honestly do. When will my moods get better and the compulsion leave me. Thanks all for being here I had a close call I tell you
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Old 09-21-2017, 01:24 AM   #2 (permalink)
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You got through it! It can be hard at times, for sure, but hang in there!
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I realized I could probably go on drinking like this for maybe two or three more years, or live for another two or three decades...but not both. Suddenly the choice became crystal clear.
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Old 09-21-2017, 01:42 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Glad you got through it!
Those cravings can come on strong, and out of nowhere, that's for sure!

Have you tried any other methods for dealing with your stress? Exercise? Meditation? Maybe if you find something else that works the cravings won't hit so hard..
I like to think of every one I get through as another battle won. And every battle I win makes me a little bit stronger
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Old 09-21-2017, 01:46 AM   #4 (permalink)
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I can highly recommend Cross-Trainers for moments like that
Well done getting through
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Old 09-21-2017, 02:07 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Some days we get overwhelmed by events and could scream . I get my share of s****y days too . Thanks for reminding us how a bad day can sometimes bring out that sneaky drinking voice , a whisper t first then can get louder .
Well done for getting through this ,going to bed ,listening to AA tapes , putting the AV out the picture .
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Old 09-21-2017, 03:39 AM   #6 (permalink)
Sick n tired
 

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Thanks everybody. It was as such a close call really scary. Showed me how my av will try get me when I'm feeling off key. When I'm not trying to work my programme. I feel sick when I think of how bad I would have felt today had I picked up. I would be feeling worse than I did yesterday. So proves to me that I have a lot of work to do on myself here. I don't want to drink again under no circumstance but I also know know know how stubborn av is and is just waiting
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Old 09-21-2017, 04:10 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Head, great of you showing such strength, what a great thing to know that when things get tough you can and you DID not give into the temptation.
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Old 09-21-2017, 04:58 AM   #8 (permalink)
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I was so grateful to not have any kind
of alcohol items in my home, especially
in early recovery. Even with a 28 day rehab
stay with a 6 week aftercare recovery
program added, I was still soooo vunerable
to all of life situations.

If alcohol was not in the house then
I had time to calm down, incorporate
something that was taught to me about
my addiction with an effective recovery
program of AA and remain sober one
day at a time.

For me it had and still has to be more
than not drinking anymore. I had to
clear away the wreckage of the past,
build a strong solid recovery foundation
to live my life upon to achieve health,
happiness and honesty with willingness
and openmindedness on my part.

In order to remain successful in recovery
for me is to continued maintenance on my
life and self each day using my recovery
program as my guideline and Faith from
Above.

Continue moving forward and remaining
sober listening, learning, absorbing and
applying new helpful affective tools and
knowledge of your addiction and recovery
to your own life a day at a time.
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8-11-90

I turn my will and life over to the care of a Power greater than I on a daily basis for guidance, care and protection.
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Old 09-21-2017, 05:23 AM   #9 (permalink)
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People "can throw it away" who have much more than three months. Time dry is not always the main factor in my experience. Progress through the steps seems to be the most reliable indicator for alcoholics of my type.

I couldn't stay sober at all when I wasn't sincerely working the steps. Others can stay sober for quite longe spells. But when we fall, a common theme is that we never got on with the steps ina timely manner. Still being on step two after a year is an example. It just doesn't fly.

My progress with the steps when I finally got going was an average of one step every ten days. The AA solution to alcoholism is a spiritual experience as the result of working steps, so until I have done that, I would always be at risk. By 90 days i was well into step nine, and my life changed completely. A spiritual experience actually began to happen after step five, but it didn't hit me full force until step nine. From that moment on, nothing that happened in my life ever gave me cause to think I might drink.

The strange thing was that people with more time than me, attending many more meetings than me, continued to slip. In nearly every case they never got past step 3. Maybe there is a lesson in there. The sad thing was that some of them had sponsors telling them they weren't ready to do this or that, telling them to take their time. There is another lesson in that too.
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Old 09-21-2017, 11:22 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Thank you. Got I'm actually due to do my step 5 end of next week. I really hope it helps as I do feel like a dry drunk at times. Today been a lovely day such a difference from yesterday. I'm going to throw myself into the rest of the steps and hope I change enough for the compulsion to leave me
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Old 09-21-2017, 11:58 AM   #11 (permalink)
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You did really well getting through those cravings Hedd! I still have hard times and go through rough spells but you just have to remember they will pass. It is hard to remember that in the moment though but each time you hit one and don't pick up you get stronger.
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Old 09-21-2017, 09:47 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Been there, actually I am there....same stuff, work, kids....life. Stay strong, it will pass. The only way to get and be stable is keeping sober. Glad you are here.
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Old 09-21-2017, 10:48 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hedd View Post
By 7pm I was obsessing about wine. I got through it I prayed tried to call my sponsor and read on here. I went to bed early and listened to Aa speaker tapes. How ever I'm 3 months nearly and I can't believe I nearly threw it away.
But. You. Didn't. Drink.

Concentrate on the positive, and give yourself some credit! And look to the future....what's your plan for combatting those cravings when they come?
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Old 09-22-2017, 07:18 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hedd View Post
Thank you. Got I'm actually due to do my step 5 end of next week. I really hope it helps as I do feel like a dry drunk at times. Today been a lovely day such a difference from yesterday. I'm going to throw myself into the rest of the steps and hope I change enough for the compulsion to leave me
One of the most amazing things if have been privileged to see is the miraculous change that comes over people when they take their fifth. I don't need to hear it to know they've done it, it just shines out of them, they are changing right before my eyes. It really is incredible to watch.

Two things seem to be very important to a successful outcome, and they are both covered in the book. Think very carefully before deciding who will hear your fifth. It is so important that the person understand what you are about and can keep everything in confidence. Having the wrong person can be devastating.

The second thing is to withhold nothing. All skeletons out of the closet for a good airing, no secrets kept. You will be amazed to find that you are just an ordinary (ho hum) alcoholic who has done ordinary alcoholic things. It made a huge difference to me to know that I was just like everybody else, not better and certainly not worse. I used to think I was the worst person that ever came to AA. Imagine that .

I wish you well with your fifth step, and I pray that you will have the same amazing experience I and many others have had.
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