Trigger revelation and why I've failed in the past.
 

Hi everyone.

Two years ago I went for 34 days , I set a goal to not drink. But my REAL goal was to show Iam not an alcoholic to my relatives, because I stayed with them for a month.

I was so enthusiastic to show them I can control myself and I succeeded.

I left with 30 days under my belt., and what did I do? You name it. And two more years of abuse continued.

6 months ago I promised my ex- gf I wouldn't drink, and I got 14 days. She left to her mum's for a week and , what happened?

See a pattern? And I wondered " why did I fail, I had such a good start!"

But This time, the difference is I actually promised MYSELF.
I told myself:

"look at you you idiot, 27 and look at yourself, stop this now, look what you have done! What will you be like in 10 years! You will destroy everything and you are destroying yourself!!

And its working atm. I have the exact same enthusiasm I had at 30 days, I was a rock, but the problem was, that I was doing it for the wrong reasons, this time it's for me. I really want to stay sober. That's my new goal SOBER FOR ME!

Good for you!
Recognizing and owning up to triggers isn't an easy thing to do.

I really think it has to be for yourself! You can't rely on other people to make you happy or always be around to stay sober for... I will say that the longer I stay sober the more vigilant I have to be. Once I get comfortable with it that's when I tend to relapse.

Thanks Site, and you hit the nail on the head. Comfort, and lack of vigilance is a bad recipe.

True, you have to do it for yourself. And, I think it's essential to know you will never drink again. When you leave that door open, thinking you may drink again in the future, it's not the same thing.

Anna, although you are correct, but isn't that contradictory to "take it a day at time"

Otherwise 80% of ppl in here would instantly sabotage themselves if the realised that they are unsure "if they will never drink again"

Wouldn't - "my sobriety Is very important to me and for my future" a better saying?

Or something along those lines?

No stabs at you, just discussing :) and I don't wanna open a can of worms but it's worth to look at.

What other opinions do we have?

it may sound it, but it needn't be - never drinking again is the "what", a day at a time is the "how"

Very good point, thanks for that.

That's awesome, good for you. I just turned 37 on Saturday and did the extra ten years you are talking about. I dont recommend it! I also wanted to prove to everyone that I wasn't an alcoholic. I was more afraid of what everyone thought than I was about me health, my spirit and my need to love and care for myself. Sounds like you are realising you derserve better. Best wishes and support to you.

Great decision - what is your plan of action for staying sober this time? For when you feel strong and great - and when you don't? For every day?

Most if not all of us have found that having a program (mine is AA) is critical to learning how to get and stay sober and live a life of recovery.

Hard to say at day 5, August.

Iam sorta juggling alot of information atm in my head, especially about sobriety.

So once it settles I'll get back to you on that one. Not all tools are acquired straight away, but I suppose the best I have atm is.

- take it a day at a time
- just don't drink.

I do have awareness of my biggest up coming trigger, its the free wine on the plane in 3 weeks.

And Its when Iam so jolly and happy at 30+ days that I actually forget the damage that I've done .. to pretty much everything.

I am worried though. that I will feel "cured" once along time sets in. And this will fool me into drinking. I suppose that's what checking into SA Is for.....but I just had a realisation. That this previouse sentence was alcoholism talking, if you know what i mean.

None of us are ever cured.
One needs to surrender to the solid fact that we can't drink ever again. One day at a time. As in, just stay sober for that day. If you want your misery back you can collect it tomorrow. This is a disease of the mind and I feel like these plays on words, means tricks my disease into canning it.
AA is a great program. You should give it a shot.
Jules

Great quote, Iam gonna keep this one to use for motivation and I'll remember it. Lucky Iam not into tattoo-ing quotes on my body.

In regards to AA. I'll have to have a good look for a quality place around my area. I won't lie, it's not my biggest cup of tea. But i will go. That I promise to myself.

Yea, I did not come up with that quote but it is a good one.

AA isn't for everyone.
Neither is warm, cheap vodka straight out of the bottle at a traffic light.
You can quote me on that one.

Jules

Not drinking, just for today, is not AA program, merely a strategy for the first few days to try and get clear of withdrawals, get our heads clear, and begin some action on recovery. I never had any trouble stopping just for today, but I couldn't sustain it and stay stopped.

And that it was I needed to do, stop for good. Permanent abstinence is the only way to combat the phenomenon of craving that has been killing us.

AA is about permanent recovery. The book never talks about not drinking one day at a time. It doesn't even say don't drink. Instead It talks about a wonderful way of life as recovered alcoholics for whom the obsession has been removed. It does say we are not cured, that what we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition., and it gives us the means to do that by teaching us how to live life one day at a time.

The first thing I do when I wake in the morning is to think about my plans for the day, with a little prayer that my thinking be cleared from self pity, dishonest or self seeeking motives. It never occurs to me to ask for another day sober, or to try and decide whether or not I will drink today. That problem was removed long ago, just as promised in the book. Freedom from alcohol is what the program offers, which also means my thoughts are free of the idea of drinking, that alcohol has no influence in my life. You can read the AA 24 hour plan on pages 86-88.

The BB does talk about staying sober 24 hours at a time in the story of patient #3. The patient is asked if he can stay sober for 24 hours. He says he can. They say to do that and repeat essentially. Just for today & one day at a time are huge AA slogans/sayings. It may not say "don't drink" outright but this point is implied.
Jules

Hi Jules,
The program is contained in the first 164 pages. The stories are the stories and they get changed around with each new edition. The former is the successful path to recovery that the founding members took, the latter is the stories of how 43 alcoholics recovered from their malady (3rd edition).

There are three parts to AA. The program (recovery) the traditions (service) and the fellowship (unity). The fellowship is not the program and the slogans that get bandied about, while some are helpful, are not the program. As I mentioned, exactly as you describe with AA number 3, staying sober one day at a time is useful for the newly sober, to get through the first few days while they find their feet in the program. That is the context in the story.

Good points Jules and thanks for raising them.

Doing it for yourself is a the only way it works I think Renvate so congrats on that realisation.

As for the rest, I know 5 days is early but there's nothing wrong with thinking about how you might stay sober.

A lot of people tend to put that off and then get ambushed by cravings or emotions or situations where they find that in their panic their only coping tool is to drink.

I think it's much better to think about what you're going to do for your recovery now, before you need to use it :)

D

Same! Everything is good until I think I can stop checking in here... then that goes okay for a while but a few months later I'm back to drinking. It only takes me 30 seconds to come on here in the morning and check into the 24 hour thread so there is NO reason not to do it. With the amount of time I gave to drinking I can spend 30 seconds every day for the rest of my life posting on here.

Strongly echo what Gottalife and Dee said.

Day 5 is the perfect time to start a program. You can always "change" to a different program later, but starting NOW is the most important thing.

Up to you if and how you decide to get sober for good. I can PROMISE you that there was a time that being 19 mo sober (today) seemed preposterous to me. It wasn't.

Hope to see you here and that you stay sober.