Linners820

Hi everyone. I joined back in the beginning of August hoping to start my alcohol free journey. At the time I posted about how I was in a fairly new relationship and had thought that my boyfriend was going to be supportive of my desire to stop drinking. Long story short, he wasn't, and the relationship fell apart a few weeks ago, along with my resolve. I've been feeling heartbroken and confused, along with ashamed and scared at the fact that I haven't been able to string together more than 3 days without drinking. I know this is a problem, I need to recommit myself and work harder. I never ever would have thought I'd end up being someone with an alcohol problem, yet here I am. This time though I'll be trying without the influence of a partner who has his own issues with alcohol, which should help some. I just feel like I need a lot of support, and I'm thankful this forum is here.

Stronger2017

Nice to meet you, Linners. You've got a great opportunity to make a change now you're free of that unsupportive boyfriend. Oh, I never imagined I'd have a drink problem too. But that doesn't really matter. It's what I do about it that's important. Good luck👍

Canadian Koala

Welcome again on SR Linners820,

This is a great place to get support 24/7
It helped me a lot to achieve the first baby steps.
I'll reach 10 months in a few days!

We CAN make this together, stay with us

ReadyAtLast

Welcome Linners I think it's easier to be single in early sobriety rather than in the ups and downs of a new relationship. Maybe come and join us in the Septmeber class for us all quitting this month

Linners820

Thank you. I am just so tired of waking up feeling like hungover crap, and disappointed in myself. I know it will be easier with him out of the picture, but I also just miss him and have been trying to deal with this pervasive feeling of loneliness...some days I work from home and it's so tempting to drink to fill that void, and also when I return home days I work outside of the house. Loneliness, trying to fill the empty space, anxiety, boredom...I guess all reasons I drink. I'd really like to get a handle on this and just cut it out completely.

hpdw

Hi Linners, can I suggest AA . I don't know whether you've tried AA but it's a wonderful fellowship and would get you out and about . Although I don't go to AA now I know it works well for many .
Fortunately my wife is a very light drinker maybe 2 small vodkas every 4 or 5 days with my daughter . I couldn't be around a heavy drinker so at least you don't have that problem , still sorry your relationship had to end though .
You couldn't live with him and struggle with boredom now so that's why I suggest AA or anything that can get you out your head at this stage .

Kate123

Did you feel pressured by your ex to drink? I have had that issue in the past or just the issue of wanting him to think nothing is "wrong" with me. I know I just have to believe in myself and not worry about what every other person thinks. It's challenging though! Glad you are here!

Linners820

Several times yes, I did feel pressured. I had a conversation with him back at the start of August about my concerns with my drinking, and wanting to stop. I felt like he was supportive and understanding at the time, and told me he wanted to help. I wondered how he was going to do that, because I felt he had his own issues with alcohol. I think him helping me would have required him to examine them and he wasn't willing to. In fact shortly after this discussion I was shocked when he came to pick me up for dinner and got out of his car with an open beer can in his hand.

Linners820

[QUOTE=Thomas59;6612780]Hi Linners, can I suggest AA . I don't know whether you've tried AA but it's a wonderful fellowship and would get you out and about . Although I don't go to AA now I know it works well for many .
Fortunately my wife is a very light drinker maybe 2 small vodkas every 4 or 5 days with my daughter . I couldn't be around a heavy drinker so at least you don't have that problem , still sorry your relationship had to end though .
You couldn't live with him and struggle with boredom now so that's why I suggest AA or anything that can get you out your head at this stage .[/QUOTE

I was thinking of trying a meeting tonight, but I'm kind of scared. At this point I think I'll feel better going to a women's only meeting, and I found one the next town over. There's also one on Sunday morning in my town.

teatreeoil007

Big Amen!!

Tertor

Hi Linner,
Whe. I went to my first AA meeting, I was scared and I also wanted to go to a women's group. It was a wonderful experience and they are my group now! I hope you give it a try.

Berrybean

It IS scary - the thought of walking into your first AA meeting. But I promise there is no need to be worried. Everyone there will be very pleased you made it to your first meeting, and will be keen to support you. Starting with a women's meeting is a good idea, but not vital. I've only ever found myself at 2 meetings where there were no women at all out of, I'm guessing, about 400 meeting now. And even then, it was fine, even if the men were peculairly apologetic about the lack of women (both of them were very small meetings of less than 6 other people).

There are a number of threads you could search out that offer experience and information about your first meeting.

My own suggestion is to just go with an open heart and mind. Listen, but don't feel any pressure to share yourself if you're not comfortable doing so (there are no expectations on a newcomer to share - although it's good if you do offer your first name when prompted at the start of the meeting, just so people can welcome you more personally and get to know you). Also, it's worth taking tissues. The first few meetings acn be strangely moving as it's so unusual (and such a mix of strange and relief) to suddenly find oourselves in a room with a bunch of other people who all seem to have felt as we do, and who are capable of talking about stuff we feel shame about with honesty and even humour.

There is support available for us - we just need to reach out in the right directions (here and in AA for me, and directly to the closer friends I have made in both places as time progressed). Surround yourself with other people with a healthy sobriety ('stick with the winners') and learn from them, and let them support you. Someone who is still blind to, and trapped in their own problematic drinking was unlikely to be capable of understanding what you were trying to do, let alone support you in it. I suggest you forgive him for his shortcomings. It's not something we have any entitlement to expect anyone to do, and dwelling on it is likely to cause self-pity and resentment, neither of which are good for recovery. In fact, they're like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. I'd suggest accepting that you were mistaken in thinking that things could work out, and resolve to start focussing on the current day. (While we have one foot in yesterday and one foot in tomorrow, we're likely to poop all over today, as one old timer very helpfully put it to me once.)

So. What's your plan for TODAY.

BB

PS The 'Just for Today' card might help you....

'JUST FOR TODAY
Just for today I will try to live through this day only, and not tackle my whole life problem at once. I can do something for 12 hours that would appal me if I felt I had to keep it up for a lifetime.

JUST FOR TODAY
Just for today I will be happy. Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be.

JUST FOR TODAY
I will adjust myself to what is, and not try to adjust everything to my own desires. I will take my luck as it comes, and fit myself to it.

JUST FOR TODAY
I will strengthen my mind.
I will study I will learn something useful.
I will not be a mental loafer.
I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration.

JUST FOR TODAY
I will exercise my soul in three ways, I will do someone a good turn, and NOT get found out. If anybody knows of it, it will not count. I will do at least two things I dont want to do just for exercise
I will not show anyone my feelings are hurt, they may be hurt, but today I will not show it.

JUST FOR TODAY
I will be agreeable, I will look as well as I can, dress becomingly, talk low, act courteously, criticise not one bit, not find fault with anything, and not try to improve or regulate anybody except myself.

JUST FOR TODAY
I will have a program. I may not follow it exactly, but I will have it. I will save myself from two pests, hurry and indecision.

JUST FOR TODAY
I will have a quiet half hour all by myself and relax. During this half hour sometime, I will try and get a better perspective of my life.

JUST FOR TODAY
I will be unafraid. Especially I will not be afraid to enjoy what is beautiful, and to believe that as I give to the world, so the world will give to me.'

Mags1

Hi Linners, we've got lots of support for you here
Keep reading and posting, the people in SR are amazing, they'll help you on that difficult road.