GreenSwimmer

I hate admitting this, but if it's abusable I'll abuse it.

I've done the getting sober thing many times now. I feel like an idiot for doing this to myself over and over.

It's been 18 days since I last used opiates. Since then I've been drinking pretty heavily to "ease" withdrawal, which as I'm typing this out I'm realizing more and more how stupid I sound. I just want to sleep, so I'll drink enough to pass out or at least get sleepy. Ran out of alcohol though and I'm rather desperate to not get more this morning.

I never used to be like this, which is I think why I'm having such a hard time admitting that addiction has me in its grip. My life has been very chaotic over the last several years, and I'm only 32. I know if I stop this now I can have a great life. I just don't really know where to turn. I feel like I've lost control of everything therefore using and abusing just about everything gives me a sense of control... if that makes any sense at all. Even re-reading what I've written here makes me cringe.

I've tried several meetings before, but none have really stuck. I know I should keep trying different ones and not give up, but it sounds so exhausting. I'm so tired of feeling this way. I wish something would click in my brain instantly and I could just be re-wired back to my old self.

Sorry for the negativity. I do have a lot to live for and I am actually rather hopeful. After a night of hardly any sleep, I'm so restless (physically and mentally), and I'm just feeling rather blah.

Thanks for any and all support and/or advice. It's very much appreciated in this dark hour.

Anna

This link has lots of information on recovery programs and good suggestions as to how get started on recovery:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html

GreenSwimmer

Thank you, Anna!

markinny

sorry to hear the pain your going thru and know it all to well. I too would load up on the alcohol till I would pass out so I could get a couple hours of crappy sleep or I would get none. I was already an alcoholic along with being addicted to the pills. I would wake up with even more anxiety and depression and I think it made the withdrawals worse. it was pure hell. my suggestion would be to go the dr. and get a real comfort med and some guideance moving forward.

hpdw

I spent too many years abusing alcohol and benzos to recover from withdrawal . I had to surrender and accept I can't do this any more . Its taken me a few attempts but im in day 51 this time and much more committed to a life of sobriety . Some get it first time but it took me a few attempts . Its hard work but worth it in so many ways.
You are 32 which is nearly half my age and I hope you dont do what I done and waste another 30 years .
Can you talk to your Doctor and see if he can help with something .