Binge Drank last night- day 1 again
 

Well, made it 2 weeks and got too inside my head. I started thinking this is too hard, and my mentality went right to **** it.
I have been feeling really flat, and depressed the past weekend so I think it had something to do with it.
I get that I'm not going to feel better till probably a couple months in, my dopamine is probably messed up.
I just want to quit this madness, woke up again dehydrated, feeling like ****, anxious and disappointed in myself. I drank a whole bottle of wine, and 2 tall boys.. sigh...
Day 1 again

I screwed up too this past weekend as well. You can read about it in the thread I started. It was a horrible weekend to put it mildly.

So don't worry Icandothis20 you are not alone. Stay strong! Just keep trying! Don't give up whatever you do!

What's your recovery plan look like?

I screwed up yesterday as well!

The important thing is that we all came right back here. If we can at least learn from our mistakes it's not a total waste!

Its probably lacking. I lean on my fiancé for a lot of support, and hes been amazing. He isn't drinking at all with my either.. at the moment. I keep fantasizing alcohol and thinking I can control it. Especially with my wedding and my bachelorette coming up. Its really tripping me out.
I easily justify.. just 1.. never ever turns into just 1.
I am doing yoga, meditating, coming on here, praying, reading lots about recovery.. I tried AA it wasn't for me..

Exactly!! Atleast we aren't throwing the towel in!

Maybe a non secular support group?Therapy? It's good that you are here and came right back. A lot don't. I didn't before and continued on drinking for a couple of years. Hang in there and congrats on your upcoming wedding!

Also..It does get easier with time.

Hi Icandothis :)

not to be mean but if you drank again, there's no probably about it is there?

Its great you have a supportive fiance - but I wonder if subconsciously you're relying on him to do some of the work you really should be doing yourself?

Think about the changes you need to make to stay sober. Think about the support you have whether it's enough, and whether you're using the support you have effectively.

If you've ruled out AA ok - but there's at least 3 or 4 other meeting based recovery groups and all of them have online meetings.

There's also the Rational Recovery approach.

I'm assuming rehab is not something you'd consider right now, but you could also see your Dr, or an addictions counsellor.

Yes it's hard and yes its a commitment - but it's not impossible.

If forever freaks you out it's ok to dip your toe in day by day, until you get used to the idea - but you need to take drinking off the table as a viable option.

Whatever your reason to drink - happy, sad, bored, scared, eff its - there's always another alternative.

D

Thanks Dee, I don't think you are being mean at all! I will try out some of the suggestions that you mentioned. I agree that I need to take drinking off the table as even a slight option... ive been playing with that I'm my mind about future events.

If anything, Monday solidified that I cant just have 1. So no first drink, no problems. I may need to have weekend treats a bit more too...

Appreciate you taking the time to respond!

Well done for realising straight away and coming straight back here.
Dee's post resonates in so many ways I am sure with so many of us. Very wise words.

You said that you "may need to have weekend treats a bit more too"
Absolutely right and this is helping me immensely.
At the beginning of my recovery I am depriving myself nothing really (other than alcohol obviously)
Some days the treats I am consuming would have made me feel sick previously but I am sure it will level out and although they might not be great for you long term they are so so so much better than the poison of alcohol!

Treats can come in so many different formats as well not just what I am talking about.
A warm bath
30 mins with a book
Nice walk
Cooking/Baking
Watching your favourite show
Etc Etc.

All the best to you.