End-Stage Alcoholic Father Advice
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 1
End-Stage Alcoholic Father Advice
Hi there,
I am a new member here so first time posting, but have read and gained much advice from the SoberRecovery forums over the past few years.
My dad has been an alcoholic all of his adult life, but generally always kept it together well enough to continue a normal working life. He would drink every day, but limit it to a few beers during the week but generally, would be inebriated from finishing time on a Friday until Sunday night. Holidays were spent with him being drunk until it was time to go back to work. Over the past few years as he neared retirement (around 62-63 years old) the drinking escalated to the point where he wouldn't make work on a Monday, or would need to make excused about not going in on a Thursday. By this point my mum was disabled following a stroke, so undoubtedly she would have been used as an excuse to his work about why he hadn't made it in.
Following retirement at 64 last summer, his drinking has gone off the scale, consuming over a litre of whisky a day as well as some beers, and wine depending on what he has available. Until very recently, he was regularly driving, but following a recent hospital stay we have confiscated his car keys. He has been hospitalised twice in the past 3 months due to low blood pressure which the doctors have confirmed is due to alcoholic withdrawal as he hadn't drank in 6 hours. He has lost a significant amount of weight and showing symptoms of Korsakoff syndrome, but still he won't give up, and isn't interested in getting help.
Realistically, how long would an alcoholic be capable of surviving in this kind of state? I can see him being back in hospital in a few weeks. Do we have weeks/months/years of this ahead? Is there any way of getting through to someone who is so deep in denial?
Thanks in advance.
I am a new member here so first time posting, but have read and gained much advice from the SoberRecovery forums over the past few years.
My dad has been an alcoholic all of his adult life, but generally always kept it together well enough to continue a normal working life. He would drink every day, but limit it to a few beers during the week but generally, would be inebriated from finishing time on a Friday until Sunday night. Holidays were spent with him being drunk until it was time to go back to work. Over the past few years as he neared retirement (around 62-63 years old) the drinking escalated to the point where he wouldn't make work on a Monday, or would need to make excused about not going in on a Thursday. By this point my mum was disabled following a stroke, so undoubtedly she would have been used as an excuse to his work about why he hadn't made it in.
Following retirement at 64 last summer, his drinking has gone off the scale, consuming over a litre of whisky a day as well as some beers, and wine depending on what he has available. Until very recently, he was regularly driving, but following a recent hospital stay we have confiscated his car keys. He has been hospitalised twice in the past 3 months due to low blood pressure which the doctors have confirmed is due to alcoholic withdrawal as he hadn't drank in 6 hours. He has lost a significant amount of weight and showing symptoms of Korsakoff syndrome, but still he won't give up, and isn't interested in getting help.
Realistically, how long would an alcoholic be capable of surviving in this kind of state? I can see him being back in hospital in a few weeks. Do we have weeks/months/years of this ahead? Is there any way of getting through to someone who is so deep in denial?
Thanks in advance.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 8
Hi Crimson,
I read your post with both interest and empathy, as this is exactly where I am with my father. He is about 10 years older than yours. Drinking heavily since about 50, in and out of hospitals, and in fact had an ambulance out to the house a couple of days ago. I get all worked up each time thinking "this is it," then, he is discharged from the hospital, goes home and the drinking continues despite a new/worsening physical condition. This has gone on for years, and from what I understand from reading here and talking to people at my al-anon meetings...can continue for years. I can't believe how long the body can endure this. So far there has been no "getting through" to him (or to my mom...as they are both doing this.) They think the problem MUST be his gallbladder, so he had that out. Recently my mom fell and couldn't get back up, so she had an MRI on her legs because clearly there is something wrong with her legs. (Not the massive quantities of alcohol and pills each day.) Complete delusion and denial. Hang in there and take care of yourself. I hope more people answer this thread because I am interested in how long others have dealt with this. End stage seems brutal and terrible.
I read your post with both interest and empathy, as this is exactly where I am with my father. He is about 10 years older than yours. Drinking heavily since about 50, in and out of hospitals, and in fact had an ambulance out to the house a couple of days ago. I get all worked up each time thinking "this is it," then, he is discharged from the hospital, goes home and the drinking continues despite a new/worsening physical condition. This has gone on for years, and from what I understand from reading here and talking to people at my al-anon meetings...can continue for years. I can't believe how long the body can endure this. So far there has been no "getting through" to him (or to my mom...as they are both doing this.) They think the problem MUST be his gallbladder, so he had that out. Recently my mom fell and couldn't get back up, so she had an MRI on her legs because clearly there is something wrong with her legs. (Not the massive quantities of alcohol and pills each day.) Complete delusion and denial. Hang in there and take care of yourself. I hope more people answer this thread because I am interested in how long others have dealt with this. End stage seems brutal and terrible.
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,202
Welcome to SR CrimsonIdol and i'm so sorry you are having to endure this. I don't think there is a definitive answer as to how long he can keep going at that rate, it could be a few years or it could be tomorrow.
I am sure he is aware that he is drinking alcoholically but most people on this thread, myself included, would say that stopping can only happen if the addict or alcoholic wants it. Most of us do want to quit but that decision to actually do so has to come from within. It sounds like your dad has things to live for, not least you and your mom so I hope he changes his outlook. I quit at 54 - 2.5 years ago and I know of people stopping later than me so it can be done. I wish you all the best.
I am sure he is aware that he is drinking alcoholically but most people on this thread, myself included, would say that stopping can only happen if the addict or alcoholic wants it. Most of us do want to quit but that decision to actually do so has to come from within. It sounds like your dad has things to live for, not least you and your mom so I hope he changes his outlook. I quit at 54 - 2.5 years ago and I know of people stopping later than me so it can be done. I wish you all the best.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 177
Have the doctors said what your fathers liver condition is?
Because assuming he does not have cirrhosis, then potentially with quitting he could live a long time.
But if he does not, then it's impossible to say in all honesty.
Because assuming he does not have cirrhosis, then potentially with quitting he could live a long time.
But if he does not, then it's impossible to say in all honesty.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Mullica Hill NJ
Posts: 10
You're in a very similar situation that I am with my husband. I have no idea how much longer it can go on. I'm looking into AlAnon but haven't found something local that works with my schedule (kids). Judging from his parents who also seemed to be alcoholics and his sister who almost died a few times, it can go on for years. My 60 yr old cousin just died from cirrhosis. I think it must depend greatly on genetics. I'm hoping for some answers on these threads.
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