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Class of September 2017 Support Thread Part 2

Old 09-28-2017, 07:24 AM
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LHW- I’d love to hear about Spinning class! I’ve always wanted to try it but have been so intimidated by it… the horror stories of not being able to walk the next day (from my friends who are super fit, too!).

Badge- it is like a nasty song that you can’t get out of your head. I can’t remember who said this a couple of days ago at the moment, but I loved it. Something along the lines of “Whenever the craving starts to kick in I think of it as an ex calling for a booty call”. It made me laugh and also gives me the feeling of eeeew, gross, no way! I’ve really been using that every time the AV kicks in. I do feel like I was in a relationship with alcohol, we are breaking up for good, so it makes a lot of sense to me.

Viper- I’m so sorry about the stove mishap. I’d also love to hear how spilled oatmeal turned into a chunk of glass missing from the stove top. I feel bad but I have to admit it made me chuckle a little too, only because I’ve had similar things happen to me.

Fitsom- I can relate totally to the 3pm voice starting to kick in, and also to how lovely the evenings have been with me being present. I used to look at people jogging on the side of the road around 5pm and be so jealous because I was driving myself to the store to get alcohol… we can be one of them, we are right now ��

Badger07- Please don’t be too hard on yourself about your relapse… So today is 19 days- that is amazing! Coming from someone who has relapsed constantly for the past 3 years after having a long term of sobriety before that, it does take time to repair the relationships. But I found that the longer I was sober the more confidence my family had in me and the better things got.

Dee- thank you for the recovery plan link. I agree, this is the one thing I’m doing different this time. I have a very concrete plan set in place and I feel more stable in this round of sobriety than my previous attempts of just doing things on the fly.

Kachal- I’m in the same boat with wanting to be social, but after staying in the house drinking for so long it’s weird/hard to actually do anything different.

Sober369- I did the same thing during my constant relapses- stayed away from SR and AA because I just got tired of announcing I had less than 30 days. I’d tell myself that I’d wait to go to a meeting until I had 30 days and then go back… yeah, that didn’t work to well for me, and I could have died as well. So happy you and I are here now.

Leeloo- thank you for the morning laugh! That is hilarious.

Ok, for me- day 27 today! That’s insane. Anyway, feeling a bit better this morning. I’m headed into the SS office early this morning in hopes to work out a payment plan with them that doesn’t include taking 50% of my income every month like they did this month. Praying that they will be understanding of the situation and that our family can’t survive with that little money- if you have any good thoughts, vibes, prayers, please send them my way this morning.
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Old 09-28-2017, 12:48 PM
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Afternoon all, to quote a friend of mine, the skies are blue and the birds are singing and life is just fine.

The past few days have caused me to look hard and be hyper aware of what gives fuel to my AV, my addiction, my unconscious desire to separate myself from reality. What can I do, when I feel that "adrenaline" need of wine within me.

Okay, I drink when I am happy, feeling good. I am socially insecure, so will also drink prior to any get togethers. Well okay,, I will drink on any occasion.

What do I think/feel, stops the wine train in its tracks? I have tried writing in a journal, which seems to help albiet after the fact. Last night as I was getting ready to leave work, my AV and addiction was screaming, I knew I had to find focus, get the bad energy in check or I would be stopping at the store, someone here on our thread made me think of what brought peace to our lives, and I thought, what would bring me peace? For some reason I turned to You Tube and brought up an old favorite artist of mine, John Denver, I closed my eyes and relaxed, listened to the words, let them take me back to a different time, I than drove home without a thought of wine. Today (my saturday) slept well, feeling awesome, turned on the tunes,,,,,, I heard that darn AV creeping around, switched music to a less energetic genre and felt more in touch with my strength.

I am not saying I am listening to or acting in a dark way, but right now I think I need to keep my energies in a more streamlined, middle of the emotional extreme road. Does this make sense??

So today I downloaded a bunch of John's music, changed the stations in the car, and checked in here a bunch.

Please forgive me for this long rambling post but I am in a good place right now and wanted to share what I discovered about myself.

Love you guys

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Old 09-28-2017, 01:06 PM
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I thought of this after it was to late to edit my post. but this is one that I listen to a lot

John Denver Windsong

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PXOihxjXqAo
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Old 09-28-2017, 01:08 PM
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Hello September class. I have posted this note on a couple other threads, but I finally found the September 2017 thread and would like to be a regular reader/poster on this thread. I am very sad to say that I am once again off the sobriety wagon. I originally became a member of this site back in August of 2016 and managed to stay sober for a little over 6 weeks. Then I fell and started cracking a beer open after work each day. One turned to two, and to three, and to four.....you know the drill. Recently started incorporating having some Scotch in between beers. It got away from me VERY quickly and in a blink of an eye, I was having that funny taste in my mouth late in the afternoon that can only be satisfied by alcohol. I don't drink every day, but I do most days of the week. And it's never just one. If alcohol hits my lips, I just can't stop. Then I will go a couple of days feeling really bad about myself only to do it again.

I've grown weary of this over this past year. When I was a regular reader/poster on this site back in August and September of 2016, I found the support I needed to make sure I never had that 1 drink that would quickly turn into several. I am back again because this worked for me. Hearing other folks stories, struggles, successes helps me to realize I am not alone in this struggle. And the success stories help me realize that I CAN do this.

So I would like to officially request membership into the class of September 2017. Today is my first sober day in what I hope becomes a lifetime of sobriety. Peace and Blessings to all !!
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Old 09-28-2017, 01:44 PM
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Hi Rob!

and goodnight to you Septemberites. I've been following everyone's updates and as always draw strength and companionship from them.

I had a bit of a frustrating end to my workday. I found out I have a lot less annual leave left than I thought. The way this is calculated in France is truly messing with my head and I seem to never quite get it right. Don't get me wrong, we still get a lot more than in other places, it's just very frustrating to find out you've miscalculated and have a lot less than you thought.

Anyway, immediately I felt like having a beer "to de-stress". But I didn't fall for the trap (nice try AV) and took the dog out for an hour instead.

Now feeling much calmer about the whole thing and proud I didn't go for the beer.

Here's a dancing banana! I'll see you all tomorrow...

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Old 09-28-2017, 02:14 PM
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Leeloo that would stress me too. I always buy 2 weeks extra annual leave each year for childcare and with bank holidays plus AL it's still never enough Well done on not drinking.

Welcome to the class Rob

night all
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Old 09-28-2017, 02:36 PM
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Loved reading your last post Badge. Music is a very strong factor for me on what I focus on. I can relate.

And bravo to you Leeloo for avoiding that beer after a stressful day. My drive home from work is when my cravings are the strongest.

👍👍✌
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Old 09-28-2017, 03:39 PM
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Welcome Rob! Glad you made it back to us, and hope your first days are easy! Let us know how it's going.
I love John Denver, too. Could listen to his songs for hours.
I have tomorrow off and am really glad. I have gotten a bit overwhelmed this week and really need some time to unwind.
I'm doing my fifth step on Saturday. Finally! I'll be glad to have that over with. I hope everyone has a great night and happy Friday!
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Old 09-28-2017, 03:42 PM
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Praying for you hns! I hope you got a decent payment plan!
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Old 09-28-2017, 03:53 PM
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Day 26 - close to a month😀 Feeling okay but slept funny last night so I've now got a pretty sore neck! Enjoy your day everyone.
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Old 09-28-2017, 03:57 PM
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Nice to meet you Rob😁. It looks like our drinking habits were pretty similar - what a waste of time and money!
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Old 09-28-2017, 04:04 PM
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I had a decent night last night, but the demon AV was lurking around, and I played with the idea of driving to the store to "get some butter." This would be my excuse for the family, then I'd smuggle a bottle of vodka in and guzzle it down when they went to sleep...

Fortunately, I went to my plan and played cards with my daughter instead. This helped distract me until these thoughts went away. Tomorrow is day 21 and my 3 week mark. Keeping on slow and steady knowing full well it could end in one night of weakness.
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Old 09-28-2017, 04:27 PM
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Way to go Frank. Good for you. I bet that was very hard, but rewarding that you made it through.

Stronger...it is a tremendous waste of time and money. I am looking forward to clean, healthy living. I know that hard part lies ahead because I have done this before. Day 1 is coming to a close. Instead of drinking when I got home from work, I dumped all of my remaining liquor and beer down the drain. Put the empties in the recycle bin. I am having cravings now and I know if I hadn't have done that, I`d be in it right now. Tomorrow will be harder.....but I am planning ahead for that and I will be ready. I am so ready to be clear and clean. I am sick of myself right now. It's time to begin again.

Peace classmates !!!
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Old 09-28-2017, 05:08 PM
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Rob and Stonger, OMG, if I think about the money I spent over a 10 year period of going to happy hour every night... I could have bought 2 Porsche Cayman S's. I have no clue how I came up with the money, no clue. Also the wasted time. I was so much more healthy. When I cleaned up my act I felt good. That is not the case anymore.

I'm not feeling very good today. I went back on my depression meds and was starting to really come back and feel better. Since the relapse 5 nights ago (I think), things have just got worse and worse. I have serious food sensitivities and auto immune issues. The antidepressents actually seem to help regulate everything. Like I said the other day, I feel like I really ruined something. It was going very well, comparatively on Saturday. Then I went out.

Also this credit card thing I talked about really got me stressed. I actually woke in a panic today about it. Then I was supposed to meet my dad at the bank and try to get another card and he had to rush my mom to the ER again (she's been having issues). Getting him to follow through on anything is a challenge. I was really thrown off again. I really get riled up inside and spinning thoughts, and a rush of chemicals. I'm a ruminator, big time.

At 4 I was absolutely going to go drink, as someone else said "The adrenaline burn of needing wine"(exactly), but my father called and asked me to come back to the house, just to be here while he went out to get a few things done for an hour. He didnt want my mom alone. I did. Exhaustion started to overwhelm me and I slept from 5-7. I woke and it was dark out. Ugggghhhh.

I'm just eating a little something. The Vietnam War show on PBS is on. It's like the 16th hour of it. I think I'm going to look at Curb Your Enthusiasm on HBO online though.

Viper
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Old 09-28-2017, 05:12 PM
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Hello class! It's been 2 weeks since I last drank....thanks everyone for helping me stay sober another day!
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Old 09-28-2017, 07:54 PM
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Originally Posted by Stronger2017 View Post
Nice to meet you Rob😁. It looks like our drinking habits were pretty similar - what a waste of time and money!
Amen. Such a waste.

Yeah Purplerks!! Congrats on 2 weeks!!

Hang in there Viper. We can do this!,

Stay solid and good night all

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Old 09-29-2017, 12:13 AM
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Day 32! What a week. Caught a cold so need to take it easy today. Happy Friday everyone!
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Old 09-29-2017, 01:16 AM
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Hi everyone

I would like to join your class as I quit drinking on 1st September and I've managed to make it to 29th September without a drink.

Love and best wishes to you all!
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Old 09-29-2017, 02:10 AM
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Hi everyone!!

I'm back from my work trip to NYC. It an upbeat and life changing experience overall for me to do this and I feel a huge sense of satisfaction and confidence. I had a work meeting scheduled for Thursday with an important client and there was lots of preparation for this with my co-worker who lives in NYC. I would consider the meeting a success and I had the chance to personally meet many of the people I have only known through email exchanges and the phone. There is something about seeing someone and meeting them in person that just makes everything so nice. I hope they felt the same about meeting me!

Aside from that, I successfully navigated getting from my home in Maryland to a hotel in NYC all by myself, and that in itself was a big accomplishment. I don't travel much, and when I do I usually drive to the airport, leave my car there and just let the rest happen. This type of travel was a lot more active, a lot more figuring things out as they happen, and I started out an outsider and became an insider by the end! I feel very proud of myself for this.

I saw Hamilton - enough said! I'm so thrilled about it and can't wait to listen to the soundtrack at home and relive the experience. The people in my client's office were really interested in this and kind of jealous because they want to see it. I tried to explain to them the best way to get tickets without breaking the bank and I hope I gave them some inspiration to go. They really want to see it, a couple of them anyway!

Since I wasn't drinking at all, I was very clear headed and cognizant of everything going on. I was able to get a real sense of each city (NYC and DC) and watch the people and processes and get a feel for vibes of each city. Though I have been to both cities before, this trip was particularly interesting in that regard. NYC has a loud, crazy, sometimes crass and "in your face" vibe - it never sleeps (at least in mid-town where I was) and it had a perpetual party atmosphere, even at 11:00 at night after the show. I don't mean party in they way of drinking, just lively and wild and crazy. It's like a city on uppers or steriods. I like visiting, but there's no way I could live there. Of course my co-worker who does lives in a quieter part of town near Chelsea and she is not a New Yorker, but is becoming one. Washington DC has an opposite vibe - it's clean and organized, everything makes a little more sense. The taxi line is civilized and easy to spot, well maintained with a nice smiling man. The train station is immaculate and gorgeous. I loved feeling like I was coming home where things make more sense. Penn Station is a nasty pit of a place with people bumping into you and lots of bad smells. The taxi line was chaotic and though organized, hard to figure out, with a brash official yelling at everyone on where to stand and how the traffic should be flowing. It was such an interesting contrast overall.

There were moments of anxiety for me - like how am I going to manage all of this. When I felt that way, I just tried to think about: "What is the NEXT thing I have to do." And just really focus on that next thing, and nothing beyond that. When you break up difficult things into smaller more manageable steps, it really helps. Just a technique I figured out as I was going along and kind of getting anxious - and it works well!

There was never time to drink. I didn't think about it much. However, when my co-worker and I were having lunch and going over our presentation, we were at a cute little place that had salads, baked goods and yummy juices. I ordered a salad with zucchini noodles and a lemonade. While there, I noticed a couple near us and they were both having wine with their lunch. It looks so civilized and nice. And that's the thing that gets me and thing I have to figure out how to deal with instead of letting that seed plant in my brain and tell me that wine is "nice." So I'm glad I was aware of what I was doing.

I took some anti-anxiety meds last night because I was so anxious that my dog is not here. He is being boarded and I have to go pick him up this morning. Until he is back home and safe, I will not rest or relax. However, the meds did knock me out a bit enough to get some sleep and get til morning.

Sorry for such a long post - I have had a lot going on! I read everyone's post and can't respond to each, but want to say thank you for sharing your experiences! Frank14, I had a bit of a chuckle about you going out to get "butter." I had a similar thing going on - I used to tell the family I was going to the gas station to fill up the tank. They had no way of knowing whether I needed gas or not, so it worked great. Instead I would go to the wine shop and pick up a bottle. So I'm no longer going out to get "gas for my car" like I used to....

Hopefully will post more this weekend as I get settled back home. Thanks, everyone!
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Old 09-29-2017, 02:57 AM
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That's awesome Juno! I'm glad you had such a great experience

Hi everyone ~ just wanted to check in ~ Fridays used to be difficult for me, but it doesn't bother me anymore....so when someone says "It gets better," it really does! Looking forward to a fulfilling, sober weekend and hanging out with our SR family!
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