Renvate

So I made another thread about self worth and connecting to drinking. I have an idea on how to make some positive steps.

Basically the goal is to just be a better person and be more in tune to the things that bring self worth.

And by doing this I need to start small.
I'll start with small habits,

I hate myself for leaving a big pile of dishes (make a habit too not leave)

I hate myself when i sometimes litter.(dirty habbit)

I hate myself for yelling in traffic (low cultured habit, )

I hate myself for snapping at my grandparents that I'm busy and can't come over all the time just because they're lonely (a$$hole)

I hate myself for being a jealous boyfriend (gonna be a tough habbit to kick)

Wow. Just these little things have already generated a lot of disgust in myself. I'm hoping that if I work on fixing these and other habits that eventually I will have the ammo to tackle my drinking problem.

The plan is to concentrate on a few things a day and be conscious of my actions and my habits and hopefully change for the better and then move to bigger habbits.

I'm confident this will help me because I have already used this step in making a better relationship with my younger brother. I stopped getting angry at him and stopped speaking to him in a belittling way.

now our relationship is a lot better and I feel a lot better about myself and that he has a decent brother and not an a**hole brother.

HTown

How about tackling the drinking habit first? Then as you are bored from not drinking you can tackle the dishes, visiting the grandparents, etc?

Renvate

Yes of course, that is inclusive. I really do want to stop, amd tried many times in the past, Iam just abit drained and tired of how Difficult it is. Basically every attempt has a new strategy.

dwtbd

Self improvement is a laudable goal and universally recommended.

Setting conditions on when/if you quit drinking is ammo your AV ( the little voice in your head , any doubt in your ability to quit for good, any thought ,feeling or image of future drinking) will use against your better judgements about putting alcohol in your mouth again.

See how it already has you convinced to not make quitting a priority? How much do you think your self worth will improve when you can say you have successfully ended your addiction and are totally free to work toward your other goals.

Strip IT of all the ammo right now by decided to quit . Any idea that it can/should wait until x,y or z happens , is ITs plan in action.

Here on SR in the Secular Connections forum , is a lot of discussion and threads on making a Big Plan (RR/AVRT), check the out , make a Big Plan , decide to never drink again no matter what and give yourself unlimited ammo to go after and knock down all the no matter whats.

It's a better plan of action to put the AV in its place, proof being IT will 'tell' you dwtbd has it backwards , mine used to say that too , I stopped listening to IT

Rootin for ya

Chilledice

You might wanna drop the hating yourself part first

Jules714

Chilled literally just took the words from me! XO Chilledice. LOL
You will probably be better off when you start showing yourself some love and stop drinking. Leaving the drink will allow the love in. Slow process but true story.
GL.
Jules

Renvate

That's my point, I hate myself because of my personal integrity. Which explains why I fail (basically at everythingand quitting)

You see how deep rooted my expectation of failure is? - I need to turn that around, I need to start succeddding in the small stuff first.

Today is obviously day one, and I just said out loud a few times "Iam not drinking!"

That kinda actually helped, and from my understanding it is the first step to my personal integrity "IAM NOT DRINKING" means just that.

Iam a very difficult person, my poor GF, such patience she has.

So far no cravings after a week's binge, I'll have to
prepare next craving coming up.

JimiC

I like the idea of a plan, but littering? Friggin put garbage where it belongs.

Silverback4

Exactly this!!!!
Start by being kind to yourself.
You are a unique and amazing individual we all are.

That's not to say that we don't have our anxieties and quirks and issues to work on but you may find the steps you need to take are easier to achieve if you are not beating yourself up.
As said above cutting out the drinking will be a huge help to all that you want to achieve.
Wishing you the best

Renvate

Very very rarely. Chewgum wrapper, receipt etc.

Renvate

"stop hating yourself"

That's the point I making, I'f I concentrate to be a better person, then there should not be less desire to hate my self, I know it sounds all silly, but this is all good mental discipline training to tackle ctavings.

Its what I see anyway.

Jules714

The point you're missing is you are not going to stop hating yourself until you stop drinking.
Also, your GF will run out if patience.
Happened to me.
Jules

Renvate

I got that point, never did I say "I'll wash my dishes but still drink, I have stopped today"

Jules714

Good news.
You're going be supremely better off.
It's going to be miserable for a bit but it gets better and easier.
You can do this.
Jules

MindfulMan

Sobriety first.

Dishes can wait.

SnazzyDresser

I like your ideas and your fresh approach! I think these things could definitely be helpful in staying sober. It's good to think for yourself, think about what you've been doing, the person you've been and ways to change. I applaud you whole-heartedly!

Joeshope54

Just the fact you are posting here is a big step toward your goal of eventually quitting alcohol. I found when I quit a lot of other bad habits like arguing with my wife and ignoring the grandkids went with it. We are all different and I wish you good luck.

Dee74

wanting to be a great person is a good goal and I tried that myself a few times.

Its a persuasive idea cos it sounds noble as well as being easy and simple.

The problem for me was a clean sink and picking up litter - by themselves - didn't translate to a sober me.

I had some deep underlying reasons why I started drinking and I needed to acknowledge those and work on them to ensure I stayed sober.

A recovery plan - on that focuses on our drinking - is a great idea

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ery-plans.html (Psst...wanna know why I'm always recommending recovery plans?)

D