alwaysN4ever

I don't mean to offend or be critical of anyone's beliefs but jeez it makes me so mad to read all these post about God and believing in him to help and guide us. Bla bla bla.
Too many horrible things happen to people in this world for GOD to even be game enough to show his face.
I am a 34year old single mum of two beautiful children. I am also an alcoholic and a junkie oh and don't forget my addiction to pot.
I haven't used for a few years but once a junkie ALWAYS a junkie. I am on my 5th day of no alcohol or pot and it is so hard not to just give in. NOT BECAUSE OF THE CRAVINGS but because of my children.
******** yeah. Cop out. What a poor excuse.
But when I'm drinking my kids are happy coz they know mummy is happy.
I hate seeing my babies walking on egg shells around me, asking me if I'm ok. It should be the other way around.
I don't hit my kids. I yell and to have your child jump and it's only coz they know I'm about to let loose with the yelling.
Too see the look in their eyes. And the whole time I'm screaming over something so little I am also trying to stop myself, I hate I can't control myself.
This is why I know I will have to start drinking again.

leviathan

I look at it this way: Religious people talk about their gods. They do it in all other areas of life, why would I expect them to do differently in recovery?

Religious people get sober with the help of thier deity. Secular folks do so without.

It is important that those managing successful recovery share their stories with newcomers. I've found that sometimes I have to just work around the religious thing to realize pretty much everyone possesses some wisdom worth taking into my fight.

Congrats on the five days. The irritability you speak of is almost certainly temporary if you stay the course. Keep it up!!

andyh

there are a couple of boards on the forum about Secular methods of recovery that may suit you better. I can't post a link as I don't have enough posts yet but they're easy enough to find from the 'Forums' page

if you don't believe in a God (as I don't), or that a God can't help, there are still plenty of ways to help yourself, or find like-minded people who can help you

Dee74

Hi alwaysN4ever

like other people have said, there are secular approaches to recovery like SMART Recovery, LifeRing, Rational Recovery and many more.

If you're not a religious or even a spiritual person thats no barrier to getting sober.

I'm a believer again now, but I didn't believe in anything when I got sober - but I still stopped drinking.

I only found real happiness when I quit alcohol and pot.

Thats not some airy fairy BS - I only really found real happiness when I stopped chasing transient chemical euphoria and really faced my issues.

While it's true that early recovery is damned hard and we are perhaps not at our best, things can and will improve if you give yourself the chance.

I gave years to drinking - I knew I could at least give a few months to not drinking to be fair and see where that led.

I'm over a decade sober now - no regrets - I made the right choice

Try not to take it out on your children or loved ones either.

A gratitude journal - listing the things you're grateful for - can really help balance the anger the pain the resentment and the self pity of early recovery.

You may start by wanting to throw the gratitude book across the room, but why not give it a try? nothing to lose

D

D122y

Always,

I understand your belief..... how can God exist and allow horrible things to happen?

E.g. wars, masacres, child abuse, cancer etc etc.

I know this....

when I pray to God, I get strength, sleep better, have more patience etc etc etc.

It is a mystery. The mystery of faith.

What I tell folks is....

if someone doesnt believe in a good God, what ever good form of God it is...

....e.g. God, Jesus, Budda, Mohammad, Jehova etc etc..you are being led by an evil God.

Ones life will reflect this. Unhappiness, insanity, anger, hate...etc etc...will permeate ones existance.

When I mentally stray from God, I feel the evil begin to attack me.

This might sound crazy to you, but someone not believing in God sounds crazy to me.

I tell folks this....All it takes is giving the holy spirit a 1% chance that God exists.

Google the Lord's prayer...say the words...give them a 1% chance of truth.

Miracles can happen right there. From that point forward, one becomes saved. One becomes forever knowledgeable of right and wrong. It is called conviction.

I said all that...but I also believe addiction relapse is all about a lack of dopemin. It takes years to begin to produce natural dopemin at levels that naturally satisfy.

Being on drugs, any drug for mental manipulation, alter dopemin and leave us craving the meds.

Thanks.

Poppy79

Humans do bad things, not god or someone's HP. Humans.
Having faith in a spiritual being helps a lot of people keep going through all of the horrible events in life.
God has nothing to do with the horror we face in the world.

Meraviglioso

Can I post a little joke? Just to cheer you up if only for a few seconds, not meant to offend anyone- especially you alwaysN4ever-

"no one is an atheist 30 seconds after an orgasm"




But being serious now, I understand your turmoil and irritability that you are experiencing right now, the early days are so tough.
Some people get through this time with the help of the God they believe in, but there are certainly ways to get through it without believing in a God. Is there a God? Who am I to say? It is hard to accept that so many bad things happen in this world and I think that is an important consideration. But now is a time for you to concentrate on you, your children and getting and staying sober- in whatever way you can do so. You don't have to believe in a God- you can even hate God- and still do so.

Berrybean

Sounds like your addictive voice is having one up your leg. You saying it would make your children happy if you drank is a stupid excuse, which I am sure your rational mind is capable of telling you, and does tell you. Just, at day 5, that AV is going to be shouting with the strength of a fire alarm in your head and it can be hard to distinguish between the true and the false.

The bad news is that our AV's are flippin' excellent at making up those stupid reasons to drink.

The good news is that it does get easier to recognised them. They tend to be a variant on.... 'Its a good idea for this addict to have a drink because....'

Perhaps you being restless, irritable and discontent (even a little resentful and jealous of others who have found some serenity further down the road of recovery) is scary for them. And because you are sober you are able to notice the effect you have on them, and the fear in their eyes. You are emotionally available so you notice how they are feeling. Thing is, just because when you're drunk you don't notice how unhappy that makes them, doesn't mean that they're not sad and scared when you've zoned out. Maybe read the laundry list on ACOA to see how having an actively alcoholic parent can affect children both in childhood and later in life... Adult Children of Alcoholics . It doesn't make for pretty reading, but it might help counter the lies your AV is telling you.

The thing is, your children don't understand that as long as you work on your recovery, this angry and irritable and resentful stange doesn't need to be long term. They also don't really know what a joy their sober Mummy will be to be with. They don't know that alcoholism is progressive. They don't know about the adverse effects it's likely to have on their Mummy's health. They don't yet know that they'll be worried about how their Mummy might behave at their wedding. They don't know that Mummy might end up involving herself and them in dangerous situations because her jusdgement is shot. So don't put this on them. They only have the slightest snippet of the story.

Instead of raging about what others do or don't believe, why not instead tell us about you. Why you want to get sober. Why you think drinking is problematic for you . Because you know what WE didn't bring you here. YOU, for whatever reason, sought out this forum. You decided to read the posts here - enough so to infuriate you at least.

You by no means are the only athiest on here. And plenty of them got sober, so perhaps read round what they did and draw on their experience, strength and hope. Gotta be better than making your AV your advisor.

Wishing you all the best for your recovery and sobriety.
BB


PS - Praying for ya!!

August252015

Just to make one point here, as the child of an alcoholic (And an alcoholic myself, who now has step children) - your children are NOT better off if you drink. Period. Full stop. End of story. That's a lie your addiction is telling you- I promise you that in ways big and small, including so many you can't see now, quitting for good is THE best thing you could ever do for them long term.

Chilledice

I don't mean to sound harsh here but your children are in no way happy because you drink...they MAY have some sense of relief when you drink because they know your "stable" and so they don't then have to tip toe around you. Don't allow that BS excuse from your AV convince you otherwise.

God gives us free will over our choices and actions, it's not His responsibility for us to be healthy , responsibility lies with US!

Work on recovery, do whatever it takes and all of this can be history in your past!

sugarbear1

There are many programs of recovery to help you

Life Ring
SOS
Women for Sobriety
Sober Recovery Website
AVRT
SMART
Rational Recovery

to name a few. Whatever you do, you have to want to not drink more than you want to drink.

You also need to know deep in your heart that your way isn't working and will only lead to poor decisions and heartache.

It took me 25 years to stay stopped and I had to utilize those 12 steps. They have saved my life and have given me relief and the ability to live comfortably in my own skin.

I wish you well on your sober journey!

tomsteve

i can uns=derstand the hatred towards God.
HOWEVER, He aint makin ya drink. he aint tiltin your elbow. he aint puttin the joint in your mouth and sparkin it up. he aint the one that wants you to start drinking again.

howz about instead of drinking again, maybe treat the untreated alcoholism and addiction?

ReadyAtLast

Hi, I'm a mum too. When i was drinking I thought I was happy so my son was ok. how wrong I was. Whilst I dealt with his physical needs I was not mentally or emotionally present at all.

Don't fool yourself, your kids are not better off with a drunk or junkie parent. You think they are happy. They will be much happier with a sober parent. I know how rough early recovery is but it does pass. Much sooner than you realise but if you pick up again you're not giving it a chance at all. I was angry, cross, weepy, paranoid and much more in the first few days. I'm only 3 weeks in now but feel so much better and know I'm being a better parent. It's the little things, just being there and really being present.

As others have said it's just your AV suggesting you drink/use again.

As for God, that's a personal thing. Many get sober with secular programmes. I use AVRT and Rational Recovery-maybe google it and see what you think.

One thing is for sure - if you pick up it will just get worse. There are plenty of people on here who have lost custody of their kids because of drugs/alcohol. give yourself and your kids a chance and why not try sobriety?

Maybe come and join us in the Septmeber class? x

Rubaduck

That's my nightmare right there, and the biggest reason I'm trying to stop drinking. If there is any other way Mummy can be happy, please find it.

As for God, do whatever works for you. But either way, taking control of your life and making other lives better will either earn you points in the afterlife or make your life now easier. I'm so happy with the charity work I've done, even though it might be totally irrelevant and meaningless in the course of history/existence. My death will be easier if I know I at least tried to leave the world a better place...

Good luck. If you would like to make me happy, this weekend please hug your kids when they wake up. Then have a competition to see who can make and fly a paper airplane the furthest.

DontRemember

No need to be angry at a/your 'god' for your drinking. That's on you. May I ask what YOU are doing to stop and stay stopped? No one,even your choice of a higher power is going to stop your drinking. That's on you. I don't see how you could blame 'god' for your or others(wars,terrorist attacks,weather,ect..) wrong doing..just my opinion. I'm also not religious and have been sober for over 10 months,by MY doing things to get and stay sober. Also,your kids are far from happy when you drink..come on. Own your situation and fix it.

PurpleKnight

I'm not a fan of God, or all that kinda stuff, but guess what? I'm Sober . . . because I needed to get Sober to improve my life, and not really having a belief in God wasn't a stumbling block, I needed to make it happen.

There is no inevitability in any of this, the "always" statement is nonsense, we change out lives, and in the corridors of SR there are many years of Sobriety that testify to that to debunk your hypothesis.

Take a leap of faith, give your kids and wife the dad and husband that they deserve without the excuses . . . it can be done . . . there is no inevitability . . . stop giving into your addiction!!