any info would be appreciated
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: winnipeg
Posts: 6
any info would be appreciated
Hi I'm here looking for some answers. I've been in a relationship with someone for a few months now and just tonight I found out that he smoked meth. I knew he drank and smoked pot but not this. I also knew that he's done hard drugs in his past. I told him that I won't be with him if he does this again. He says that it won't be a problem and he will never do it again. My question is, how addictive is this drug and is it possible that he could very well never do it again? I do believe that he is very sorry and that he doesn't want to do it again because he knows it will ruin our relationship, but is that really possible?Hopefully I can get some response to this because I'm afraid to throw away a great relationship if it can be saved. Thanks
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
((((inoa)))))
Welcome to Sober Recovery!!!! I sounds like your guy has a problem with reality...smokes pot,drinks,smokes meth???? It sounds more like he is sorry that you found out and disapprove......So you know he has a past history of using hard drugs? Has he ever been in rehab? It sounds like he is looking for you to become his enabler. An enabler helps an adict/alcoholic stay addicted by giving them a place to live,food,car,money ect......
I wonder if you could cool down the relationship a bit and see what happens? If he does not have a real drug problem you will be able to see that he has remained stable although you have cooled thing down if he does have a problem I think it will show up in his behavior towards you.
Welcome to Sober Recovery!!!! I sounds like your guy has a problem with reality...smokes pot,drinks,smokes meth???? It sounds more like he is sorry that you found out and disapprove......So you know he has a past history of using hard drugs? Has he ever been in rehab? It sounds like he is looking for you to become his enabler. An enabler helps an adict/alcoholic stay addicted by giving them a place to live,food,car,money ect......
I wonder if you could cool down the relationship a bit and see what happens? If he does not have a real drug problem you will be able to see that he has remained stable although you have cooled thing down if he does have a problem I think it will show up in his behavior towards you.
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: England, UK
Posts: 197
Hi and welcome to our community.
In my humble experience, us addicts are always prepared to make promises and genuinely believe them when we make them.
However, without some support mechanism, all we are doing is abstaining from our drug of choice. There is a strong likelihood that we will fall all too easily back into our bad habits and learned behaviours. The process of recovery is something which is extremely difficult to do on our own.
If your b/f really wants to do this, you might want to suggest to him that he gets on a programme.
Best of luck. Keep coming back.
Rich
In my humble experience, us addicts are always prepared to make promises and genuinely believe them when we make them.
However, without some support mechanism, all we are doing is abstaining from our drug of choice. There is a strong likelihood that we will fall all too easily back into our bad habits and learned behaviours. The process of recovery is something which is extremely difficult to do on our own.
If your b/f really wants to do this, you might want to suggest to him that he gets on a programme.
Best of luck. Keep coming back.
Rich
Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 1
My question to you how did you find out. Has he began seeking outside help such as outpatient treatment, N.A. meetings, dors he have a sponsoe. I want to share something with you an addict is quick to tell you, I will not do it again and as soon as you turn your back, they began to self medicate themselves. I hope yoy find the right answer you are looking for, but please do not become his enabler. GOOD LUCK!!!!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: winnipeg
Posts: 6
Wow! Thanks so much for your responses. I'll have to think about the enabler aspect. I'm not sure if I understand that. We're not living together although we have talked about it and planned on it in the near future along with marriage and the like. As for the way I found out about it...he just came out and told me on the phone that he did it that night. I really would of had no idea otherwise. So from what I'm getting from this, no matter how often someone's done meth, it's not likely that they'll really be able to stop of their own will? Please keep the responses comming, and thanks again very much!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: winnipeg
Posts: 6
OK so I've been reading some other posts and now I'm even more scared. How do you ever really trust someone who's doing these hard drugs is telling the truth. I mean all they can do is tell you that they're not going to do it anymore. How do you really know though what someone will do? So I should just write someone off when they could be telling the truth? I'm just so confused.
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: England, UK
Posts: 197
Hi Again.
I can see that you are feeling confused and I would like to give you some information which I found for myself when I started recovery.
If your b/f means to change his habits, he has to do it for himself. He needs to think of his situation, look for help and take responsibility.
Meanwhile, you need to do something for yourself and not just heap his problems on your shoulders. Looking after #1 is key here. Think of the things which make you happy for YOU and spend some time enjoying yourself.
It may feel a bit awkward detaching yourself like this, but by focussing on you, he will soon get the message that he needs to do something forhimself.
Please take it from someone who has messed up big style through being an alcoholic, that small steps like this will reap benefits for both of you. You each need your own space. Having been through a really tough time in my relationship caused by my drinking, we are really getting on well now.
Maybe you could start by getting to a Nar-anon meeting.
Just for today, tell yourself that you are the happiest person in the world......AND BELIEVE IT!!
Good luck. Come back soon.
Rich
I can see that you are feeling confused and I would like to give you some information which I found for myself when I started recovery.
If your b/f means to change his habits, he has to do it for himself. He needs to think of his situation, look for help and take responsibility.
Meanwhile, you need to do something for yourself and not just heap his problems on your shoulders. Looking after #1 is key here. Think of the things which make you happy for YOU and spend some time enjoying yourself.
It may feel a bit awkward detaching yourself like this, but by focussing on you, he will soon get the message that he needs to do something forhimself.
Please take it from someone who has messed up big style through being an alcoholic, that small steps like this will reap benefits for both of you. You each need your own space. Having been through a really tough time in my relationship caused by my drinking, we are really getting on well now.
Maybe you could start by getting to a Nar-anon meeting.
Just for today, tell yourself that you are the happiest person in the world......AND BELIEVE IT!!
Good luck. Come back soon.
Rich
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Buffalo, south dakota
Posts: 9
Hi inneedofanswers,
I have been an addict for going on 20 years now. I, like your friend, made many, many empty promises to not use again. For me I can't be honest and truthful with others, until I get honest with myself. Last Saturday I got a dose of tough love from my family and at this time they choose to have nothing to do with me until I get sober.
I guess sometimes it takes getting hit with a wake up call to get us to realize that not only are we hurting ourselves but all of those around that love us. How will you know he is not using? I can't honestly answer that one. For myself I know I can't do it on my own and am waiting to get into a rehab center. Have two more weeks to wait.....
But with the help and support that I am getting here and in attending meetings I have been sober for 8 days now. I hope you are finding what you need here in SR. Good luck in your journey! I wish you the best.....
I have been an addict for going on 20 years now. I, like your friend, made many, many empty promises to not use again. For me I can't be honest and truthful with others, until I get honest with myself. Last Saturday I got a dose of tough love from my family and at this time they choose to have nothing to do with me until I get sober.
I guess sometimes it takes getting hit with a wake up call to get us to realize that not only are we hurting ourselves but all of those around that love us. How will you know he is not using? I can't honestly answer that one. For myself I know I can't do it on my own and am waiting to get into a rehab center. Have two more weeks to wait.....
But with the help and support that I am getting here and in attending meetings I have been sober for 8 days now. I hope you are finding what you need here in SR. Good luck in your journey! I wish you the best.....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: winnipeg
Posts: 6
I'll be talking to him shortly and I just don't know what to say. Of course I'm hoping to say something meaningfull and powerfull that could hopefully get him really thinking about this. But I guess that won't happen by something I'd have to say, only on his own. I guess the easiest thing for me would be to tell him I don't want him in my life anymore, maybe I'm crazy but that's just not what I want. He's wonderfull to me, well other than this. Am I being played? Is he lying about everything to do with us? Is the personallity of the man I love not really him? or is he only lying about drug related things? Too many questions, what can I say........
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
inoa
Take care of you. Moving in with someone is a big step when they do not have a drug history much less when they do......An addict can be quite charming and they will say anything to get you hooked up. The best excuse he could give you later on when you are really hurting over him is that he told you he does drugs before you moved in with him......You are in a very good position to demand that he get treatment if he wants to stay involved with you....and if he does not then you will know where his head is at and it won't be on keeping the home fires burning.......
Take care of you. Moving in with someone is a big step when they do not have a drug history much less when they do......An addict can be quite charming and they will say anything to get you hooked up. The best excuse he could give you later on when you are really hurting over him is that he told you he does drugs before you moved in with him......You are in a very good position to demand that he get treatment if he wants to stay involved with you....and if he does not then you will know where his head is at and it won't be on keeping the home fires burning.......
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
((((INA))))))
You can trust yourself. You are the one who does not do drugs. Get your mind clear think like you thought before you met him. Only you can decide if you want to put up with him. Think about what is best for you if you believe he is the best you can do......
Addicts have an amazing ability to be able to say what you want to hear and give the appearance of all you ever wanted and more..... but, after you make a commitment and they know they have you all sown up whatch out....
What happened? Did you tell him you want him to get into some kind of treatment? Now he is driving you crazy? Because he wants you to believe his promise not to do meth again? HA! Don't believe it even if he gets into treatment. I know I sound harsh but, after living in active addiction all my life I have found addicts to be very predictable. Untreated life with an addict is either like being on a rollercoaster or, a merry-go-round. Hey it is fun to go to the carnival once in a while but, who wants to live like that?
Have you tried going to naranon or alanon? You will need them even if you don't stay with him because now addiction has touched your life you need to look inside yourself and find out what has attacted you to an addict.....
You can trust yourself. You are the one who does not do drugs. Get your mind clear think like you thought before you met him. Only you can decide if you want to put up with him. Think about what is best for you if you believe he is the best you can do......
Addicts have an amazing ability to be able to say what you want to hear and give the appearance of all you ever wanted and more..... but, after you make a commitment and they know they have you all sown up whatch out....
What happened? Did you tell him you want him to get into some kind of treatment? Now he is driving you crazy? Because he wants you to believe his promise not to do meth again? HA! Don't believe it even if he gets into treatment. I know I sound harsh but, after living in active addiction all my life I have found addicts to be very predictable. Untreated life with an addict is either like being on a rollercoaster or, a merry-go-round. Hey it is fun to go to the carnival once in a while but, who wants to live like that?
Have you tried going to naranon or alanon? You will need them even if you don't stay with him because now addiction has touched your life you need to look inside yourself and find out what has attacted you to an addict.....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: winnipeg
Posts: 6
What do you think about me showing this to him? Think it will do any good at all, or will it just completely **** him off? What a stupid question! I think I expect too much from you guys and gals...how are you supposed to know what someone's going to think. Man I have no one to talk to about this i'm glad i found this site.
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
If he is strung out and doesn't want to give up dope I am betting it will **** him off......he will say I am not like that.....predicting an addict is easy honey...anybody who would even consider doing chrystal meth has a problem believe me please.....
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Vicksburg, Michigan
Posts: 56
Splendra is right, it takes one to know one.
When I was on the ride to the bottom all fast and furious, i went to a party at a friends house, after getting very drunk and high on weed i got offered "glass", a smokable form of meth.
I had allways been apposed to harder drugs, but i did take the offer, and i have never done it again, nor do i have a desire or craving to do so.
Not that i am giving him the benefit of the doubt, but i don't feel i am addicted to meth. as much as i am addicted to escape, that is in my opinion the real problem here.
What is he running from?.
Because everybody on this site will tell you where he is going, and faster than you think.
Take care of you, only he can save himself, And that is in my opinion by far the hardest thing in my life to face.
not to discourage you but to arm you with truth.
Best of luck,
John
When I was on the ride to the bottom all fast and furious, i went to a party at a friends house, after getting very drunk and high on weed i got offered "glass", a smokable form of meth.
I had allways been apposed to harder drugs, but i did take the offer, and i have never done it again, nor do i have a desire or craving to do so.
Not that i am giving him the benefit of the doubt, but i don't feel i am addicted to meth. as much as i am addicted to escape, that is in my opinion the real problem here.
What is he running from?.
Because everybody on this site will tell you where he is going, and faster than you think.
Take care of you, only he can save himself, And that is in my opinion by far the hardest thing in my life to face.
not to discourage you but to arm you with truth.
Best of luck,
John
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