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Emotional Sobriety

Old 09-13-2017, 03:14 PM
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Emotional Sobriety

Wow, almost two years in and I am reallllllllly feeling at the moment. Its been painful but also enlightening, firstly Ive learnt just how mindblowing and intense my emotions are and its been tough. Part of me wants to feel the pain because I dont want to hide from it any more, I don't want to be frightened of it, but the other part of me wants it to run from them and hide, pick up (its been on me recently) but I havent picked up, ive used my tools from the AA programme and sat with it.

Im curious to hear other people's stories on managing feelings in sobriety x
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Old 09-13-2017, 03:24 PM
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I've learned to try to pay attention to the feelings, but to know that they don't control me. As Glennon Doyle wrote "Pain is just a sign that a lesson is coming. Discomfort is purposeful: it is there to teach you what you need to know so you can become who you were meant to be."
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Old 09-13-2017, 03:31 PM
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Yes definately, certaintly do feel as I am learning at the moment. Its a process which is reallllllly hard but I am starting to see that it is one I must undertake. I am hoping by going through this as time goes on the feelings wont be so intense? I hope so anyway!
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Old 09-14-2017, 12:32 AM
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I don't know, BB. It was a relief to feel again after so many years of drinking. It kind of had me numb, emotionally anesthetized so to speak. SR has helped me; when I have felt overwhelmed at times it's been good to have this forum to "get it out" .
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Old 09-14-2017, 01:03 AM
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Hi Blueberry , well done on 2 yeras . Im in the eary days and although not so bad as i was in the first 2 weeks my emotions can still fluctuate wildly . Fortunately for me I have naver so far had the desire to pick up but certainly had the desire to shout and scream due to the feeling of pure frustration .
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Old 09-14-2017, 01:13 AM
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Originally Posted by blueberry2015 View Post
Part of me wants to feel the pain because I dont want to hide from it any more, I don't want to be frightened of it, but the other part of me wants it to run from them and hide, pick up (its been on me recently) but I havent picked up, ive used my tools from the AA programme and sat with it. x
In my experience, painful thoughts (self-pity, resentment, hopelessness, fear, anger etc.) fade more rapidly when I quickly acknowledge the thoughts and decide not to dwell on them, because if I do, the feelings which accompany those thoughts, will grow in intensity and used to culminate in the thought, 'I want a drink'.

I also try to balance out my purposeful thinking with positive thoughts, which generate positive feelings. If my automatic 'thoughts' suddenly crops up with a positive thought or feeling, then I do the opposite of dismissing the original thought and instead, try to concentrate, grow an develop it.

For example, last night, I felt an automatic negative thought and feelings of hopelessness ("why didn't I stop drinking years ago, what a waste, what a fool I was") which I instantly dismissed as my AV and stopped the thoughts/feelings from growing. Seconds later, I looked up at the evening sky and noticed particularly bright stars and constellations. Part of my thoughts expressed awestruckness and my spirits lifted. So I concentrated on those awestruck thoughts and purposefully thought about the majesty of the universe and galaxies and tried to time-extend those positive feelings.
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Old 09-14-2017, 02:54 AM
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Emotional sobriety is the key to everything for me. It's my focus- without maintaining it, all else - including inevitably drinking- falls apart.

My fiance and I have a short name for the BB part about "when I am disturbed" - we call it "flipping it." Things are "figureoutable", a pause is always a good idea, and looking at the WHY and at myself when I am upset is key. (He's in recovery, too). I also use tools like taking myself out of play for a bit - naps are a big friend of mine- rereading old notes about gratitude, prayer, comments from meetings (I jot all this down in my daily planner every day since it is always with me)....

For me it is often harder when there is just - normal- than dealing with anything extreme. My highs and lows are much less than they used to be, and more quickly righted, and living in the 40 mph lane is the goal. Being grateful for my new normal of happy, peaceful, free is the focus!
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Old 09-14-2017, 04:48 AM
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Very helpful responses Tasty & August . Not my thread but thank you for your wisdom. I don,t know what others do but when I see a helpful response I copy it to my little safe ,my recovery bible ,password protected and encrypted ********** . I am building up a nice collection as the weeks go on . I save my own posts and useful responses . I keep it light and cheery with some animations .

Thanks
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Old 09-14-2017, 05:06 AM
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Very cool Thomas! Glad to contribute
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Old 09-14-2017, 10:41 AM
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Dealing with my emotions has been the most difficult part of my sobriety. I was of the type where I'd keep them all in until they'd come out sideways or would sort of explode out. Some days it feels like the only emotions I can feel are anger or sadness because those are the only ones I ever felt. I'm still trying to figure out how to feel all my other feelings.

That being said, when I am able to discipline myself to live in AA Steps of 10 and 11, my emotional sobriety is amazing. I catch myself in the moment and pause. I turn my thoughts to my higher power. I "see" and "hear" how I am behaving and what I am saying. I don't let feelings scare me. I meditate and pray. I reflect back on my day to see what I could better tomorrow. I jot down three things I was grateful for that day.

And all this time I thought sobriety was about not drinking...... ;-)

Thanks everyone for a great thread!
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Old 09-14-2017, 12:17 PM
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Fantastic help here, thanks so much!! Im feeling better today, heads still a bit foggy but on the whole mych much better. Im a bit taken back how strong those feelings were, could well be a lot of pent up feelings there which just came on flooding out like a tidal wave. Urgh, but it has passed!!

Im in a weird phase of my recovery at the moment, somewhat painful but also enjoyable as im learning and understanding stuff now. Im still sober too
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Old 09-14-2017, 05:32 PM
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Roller coaster pretty much describes it....however as I believe August stated....being able to step back and access the situation with a sober mind is my empowerment. I love being able to analyze and not just react....that is the old sober me and the new sober me has regained this ability and I dont ever want to be without this superpower again.
D
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