Irritated that my mnd is going "there"
 

Having a sh***y day, which is generally unusual but having a money quarrel with wife. Today my mind feels like leaving everything and everyone behind, renting a beachside house for a month and using regular and new drugs of choice to just slip away (forever).

I guess it's my fantasy escape route.

Not going to do anything about it except be cranky until we get over it, but I'm irritated that at the first sign of unhappiness, this pops up.

I here ya. In IOP now. Two days ago we had an exercise on anxiety that triggered me big time. I wanted to get a handle and an eight ball, maybe some E. Voiced it, therapist kept me after to make sure I wasn't actually going to do it.

Play the tape in your head. If a twelve stepper, go to a meeting and call your sponsor if you have one.

Hang in there, you are far from alone in feeling this way.

I had a cranky day on Sun, carrying a little into Mon. The things I did to feel better were to take a nap (Sun), make myself do a sweaty yoga workout (both days), and focus on what I had to be grateful for and who could use my prayers. Got me through the day without (unjustifiably) snapping at my darling fiance who would've just been a convenient target!

You're doing the right thing by recognizing how opportunistic the AV is. IT will always see life's ups and downs as drinking opportunities. That is ITs solution to everything! But you know how it's not a solution and all the lame feelings and consequences that accompany going along with IT.

Find a healthy outlet for your frustrations. Take the dog out for a long walk, that always helps me to clear my mind. Or find some other thing that works for you.

Not sure how long you've been sober Shitzupuppy but I am finding that as time passes my brain 'goes there' less and less in response to stress or difficult situations x

I doubt your beast cares about the beach part, IT'd be just as happy if you drank right in your own kitchen.

The AV can be annoying as hell, just don't loose the separation.

Is Your mind going 'there' , or are You hearing /feeling IT trying to push the 'solution' ?

Hey you're probably right about the AV being happy in the kitchen.
I guess I was feeling it was me feeling this, not IT wanting this.
I knew it was my AV, but I attributed it to me.
Anyway, I knew that I didn't want any part of the nonsense!I was just shocked that my AV was so loud and clear. i guess it will always be lurking, but I was expecting it to whisper.

I merged your identical threads, shihtzupuppy :)

Glad you're feeling more settled.

He he -we screamed it out. All better now. Ironically I knew there was a bottle of wine in a laundry room cupboard, but had forgotten all about it. Wife asked where I had hidden it! Lol
I'm just weird I guess

Why not rent a beach place with the wife for a nice get away? maybe a long weekend? no money? picnic? zoo? Stay strong !

(Her) spending money was the issue! No beach rental........ :)

I think I read money was #1 married fight. You should be so proud of yourself that she isn't bit<#ing about your drinking! So proud of you.

I have a great wife and she is very supportive and helpful about the drinking. It is our #1 priority. She commutes/works almost 12 hours per day so I can have health insurance.

:tyou

I'm glad you see that this is not you, but the AV. It's sneaky and it will pick the tough times to slide in and make itself known. Being aware of this will give you confidence to know that you can manage this. :)

Thanks Anna,
Yes it is the AV, and is sneaky. I hope others can also recognize it when it sneaks up on them!
I didn't feel any desire to give into the AV, but it bugged me that it flared up so easily.

Wow I feel the same way. Especially after a hard day at work. Of course I always feel better if I stay sober. Keep up the good fight. You are not alone.