Struggling with recovery
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
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That's great, A!
I'll throw in something here. I found 9 and 10 months to be quite up and down. Harder than I thought they would be, in mainly the ways you mention. I tend to get very in my head - and doing the things you mentioned like the reading and studying of others is definitely an inclination of mine - BUT. I was counseled and found it to be good advice when acted upon, that I needed to get out of myself.
To me, that meant focusing on others in the smallest ways for example. Like perpetuating like and all, if I could bring myself to make the smallest efforts in the morning like using the name of the lady I see every day getting my morning Diet Coke at my fave place, or the habit of texting 3 people in my sphere to just see how they are, or doing some household task my husband usually does so he'd come home to find it off his list....that cycle would keep building on itself and I felt better!
When I have hit these spots where you are - and I found that 19 mo was one, for example, and 27 (I think) - the "take action" part of my program has really helped to get me thru and back to a positive place. That positive place, though, was still getting its legs to start with at the place where you are.
Keep going.
I'll throw in something here. I found 9 and 10 months to be quite up and down. Harder than I thought they would be, in mainly the ways you mention. I tend to get very in my head - and doing the things you mentioned like the reading and studying of others is definitely an inclination of mine - BUT. I was counseled and found it to be good advice when acted upon, that I needed to get out of myself.
To me, that meant focusing on others in the smallest ways for example. Like perpetuating like and all, if I could bring myself to make the smallest efforts in the morning like using the name of the lady I see every day getting my morning Diet Coke at my fave place, or the habit of texting 3 people in my sphere to just see how they are, or doing some household task my husband usually does so he'd come home to find it off his list....that cycle would keep building on itself and I felt better!
When I have hit these spots where you are - and I found that 19 mo was one, for example, and 27 (I think) - the "take action" part of my program has really helped to get me thru and back to a positive place. That positive place, though, was still getting its legs to start with at the place where you are.
Keep going.
Hi A!
It is great you are recognizing signs of a potential relapse. My last relapse had occurred after 9 months sober and at a time when I had become complacent. I had stopped practicing my sobriety tools. I thought I could handle moderation again. You know the drill. To your point about why people drink/use drugs/relapse, I was (am still?) both a thrill seeker and a seeker of calm at alternating different times depending on what’s going on with me. I think this is part of my personality, but I also think it stems from my college experience, and our culture in general. It’s all about the study/work - reward/play hard mentality, which I find many have in my work life. I’ve had to find new interests, new coping skills (for stressful things that triggered me to seek relief in alcohol) and basically change my entire way of thinking and being in the world. One thing I’ve also learned is that I don’t always have to be doing something. I don’t even have to reward myself necessarily for doing something I’m proud of. Sitting still and acknowledging it is good enough. I’ve read a lot on neuroplasticity and how changing our habits over time and registering these new habits in our minds actually creates new neural pathways in our brains. I find this to be true for myself. I am always working on practicing non-attachment to my thoughts, neutrality and non-reactivity to what is happening around me.
Keep going
It is great you are recognizing signs of a potential relapse. My last relapse had occurred after 9 months sober and at a time when I had become complacent. I had stopped practicing my sobriety tools. I thought I could handle moderation again. You know the drill. To your point about why people drink/use drugs/relapse, I was (am still?) both a thrill seeker and a seeker of calm at alternating different times depending on what’s going on with me. I think this is part of my personality, but I also think it stems from my college experience, and our culture in general. It’s all about the study/work - reward/play hard mentality, which I find many have in my work life. I’ve had to find new interests, new coping skills (for stressful things that triggered me to seek relief in alcohol) and basically change my entire way of thinking and being in the world. One thing I’ve also learned is that I don’t always have to be doing something. I don’t even have to reward myself necessarily for doing something I’m proud of. Sitting still and acknowledging it is good enough. I’ve read a lot on neuroplasticity and how changing our habits over time and registering these new habits in our minds actually creates new neural pathways in our brains. I find this to be true for myself. I am always working on practicing non-attachment to my thoughts, neutrality and non-reactivity to what is happening around me.
Keep going
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 127
That's great, A!
I was counseled and found it to be good advice when acted upon, that I needed to get out of myself.
To me, that meant focusing on others in the smallest ways for example.
- the "take action" part of my program has really helped to get me thru and back to a positive place.
Keep going.
I was counseled and found it to be good advice when acted upon, that I needed to get out of myself.
To me, that meant focusing on others in the smallest ways for example.
- the "take action" part of my program has really helped to get me thru and back to a positive place.
Keep going.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 127
Hi A!
I had stopped practicing my sobriety tools.
To your point about why people drink/use drugs/relapse, I was (am still?) both a thrill seeker and a seeker of calm at alternating different times depending on what’s going on with me.
It’s all about the study/work - reward/play hard mentality, which I find many have in my work life.
I am always working on practicing non-attachment to my thoughts, neutrality and non-reactivity to what is happening around me.
Keep going
I had stopped practicing my sobriety tools.
To your point about why people drink/use drugs/relapse, I was (am still?) both a thrill seeker and a seeker of calm at alternating different times depending on what’s going on with me.
It’s all about the study/work - reward/play hard mentality, which I find many have in my work life.
I am always working on practicing non-attachment to my thoughts, neutrality and non-reactivity to what is happening around me.
Keep going
I'm replying chronologically to the quotes:
I think I'll call them life skills and never stop. I have a long list of those ongoing practices already. For instance, I have physical injuries, if I stop with the exercises that helps, pain will increase. I think that is true for psychology and spirituality too, you don't get to a stable plateau where you'll never backslide. Or some folks, like Gautama, did, but I wouldn't trust my self-assessment in that regards, so I plan to keep going for the rest of my life.
Agree. Most human behavior are the result of a more longitudinal transaction between disposition and situation. So in practical terms I guess it's about seeing clearly what our patterns are and what the situation is right now, and then apply the appropriate strategies.
Culture is definitely playing a core part of many situations and patterns as well. I do indeed have friends, colleagues and family who encourage me to take a drink to wind down, or as a reward for all my hard work. And if not that, at least have a piece of cake. And there is in general a lot of "because I deserve it"-thinking going on in western culture. Giving rise to declining public health (mentally, physically, spiritually...).
But the reward-question is a crux in thinking about motivation I think. So many things are inherently motivating, including just wandering around or sitting quietly, but then society tells us that we have to do a lot of stuff that we don't want to. Enter external rewards. Just like lab rats, we can be made to do almost anything for pellets. And if you add addictive pellets (and deprive them of inherent rewards), the worker will be quite eager. For a while, until they get sick and die.
I think non-attachment and non-reactivity are master hacks for handling our ego. Depriving it of fuel for drama and extinguishing the need for rewards. It ain't easy, but I am working on it! :
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