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Missing joining in the fun

Old 09-10-2017, 07:10 PM
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Missing joining in the fun

I've been sober 138 days. Yippee.
Tonight I went over to a neighbor's house for dinnner and 3 of the 4 of us were drinking beer. At some point at the end of the evening, someone asked me how not drinking was going and I said great, I feel good and have fun.

But as soon as I said it I realized for that moment it wasn't true.
I would rather have been having beers, or vodka drinks as they sometimes do. Yes that would in fact make me happier and be more fun.

But I went home, no drinks. No cravings, and I fully accept I can't have any and it's my AV talking, but I still feel sad as I go to bed.

Like a friend I'll never see again.
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Old 09-10-2017, 07:16 PM
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But we know what the fun turns into ..... regret, shame, sickness.

Kudos to you ..... only 2 days in now and will have to face the inevitability of being in those situations soon enough. Hope I can be strong like you.
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Old 09-10-2017, 07:39 PM
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I know exactly how you feel because I feel the same way. I know it's better for me in every way not to drink, but I miss it and wish I could still do it. I really don't see myself ever not missing it and not wishing I could drink like normal people. But, I take my antabuse every day or at least every other day. That takes drinking off the table completely, and while I feel resentful that I no longer get to enjoy my wine, I know it's for the best. I honestly don't think I will ever be able to not rely on the antabuse to prevent me from drinking. I realize it's a crutch, but it works for me and I'm thankful for it.
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Old 09-10-2017, 07:54 PM
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Hi STP

I thing this is the perfect time for some AVRT. The bottom line is you do not need to drink to have fun and you don't even need to drink to join in the fun...so the AV's line here of

I would rather have been having beers, or vodka drinks as they sometimes do. Yes that would in fact make me happier and be more fun.
is lies.

If that were true you would never have had need of SR or of AVRT.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ic-recall.html

D
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Old 09-10-2017, 08:24 PM
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The fact that you didn't drink leads me to believe that in your core, you don't truly believe that thought. It is just a trigger thought, albeit one with a good left hook in it!

See if the AV thought about "drinking fun" still feels so true when you wake up in the morning: happy to wake up without a hangover, or hating yourself for picking up.

FWIW, most of my recovery was about me learning how to meet my needs other than picking up. Sounds like this trigger is a clue that you may want to focus on discovering what you really, truly find "fun" in life. I guarantee it's there. If you don't know know where to start, revisit childhood sports/hobbies and go from there.

I'm excited for you for this next phase of recovery: when I started seeking my fun and joy in life, I started living life for the first time in 20 years.

& Congrats on 138 days. That is something to celebrate!
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Old 09-11-2017, 01:15 AM
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On Saturday my wife and I had an appointment in Edinburgh and it was near a very touristy part . We were an hour early to ensure parking and where the building was . Anyway we went for a coffee and the bistro was also licenced , they all are around there it seems . There was a group of 9 0r 10 young italian looking men all starting a day out like a pub crawl or stag do , my wife heard one say " well thats 1 down 21 to go which I took to mean they still had 21 pubs to try out. Im geting there with this !!! So I got to thinking as they left after downing their half pint of beer and having the bar lady taking their picture if I was part of that group I would have completed the 22 pubs but on Sunday I would have been the one sneaking to the off licence or early opening pub for a drink and even today I would have been half dying and waiting on 10am for more . I sipped my coffee and smiled at my wife enjoying the freedom .

Well done for going home .
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Old 09-11-2017, 02:15 AM
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I'm so proud of you for not giving in to the misrepresentation that your AV put on.
The reality is that we often DO miss the feeling of inclusion that we associate with "drinking with friends". I sometimes feel this way still when in a group that are drinking, but now I try to challenge myself to have EVEN MORE FUN than they're having.

How?

Engage in super fun conversations
Smile tons
Appreciate that every atom and cell in your body is pure and not under the effect of poison
Key into the fact that you will go home and sleep well and wake up hangover-free

You've made it 138 days! That is phenomenal.
And as SereneEdition pointed out, you definitely know deep down that drinking will not bring any positives into your life, an this is ultimately what keeps you sober!

I often play a game on my blog where I write out all the bad things that happened when I drank, and then I try to write a column of good things that happened when I drank.
As you can imagine, there aren't any entries in the "good" column.
What's that expression, "no one ever woke up the night after going out and though- geez, I wish I would've had just one more tequila"


<33333
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Old 09-11-2017, 02:36 AM
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Great job on not drinking!
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Old 09-11-2017, 04:05 AM
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Thanks everyone!
I do feel good for waking up sober and hangover free! My wife is a great support and has cut back on her wine -she had it the other day and she didn't enjoy it.

Yes you're right about playing the tape forward and realizing the end game.

To those who are beginning, just do it. Don't relapse. It gets harder to stop every time.

I missed it last night. But I never considered having any. it's not part of my life.

Dee thanks for the link. I need to read more like that!
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Old 09-11-2017, 05:14 AM
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The Beast is always going to want ITs booze, and the AV will always tell You 'you can't' drink' And because you can't drink, you will miss it and not be happy.

IT will accompany You to every dinner party, social event, and evening spent with your wife and her wine.

But you Can drink , you choose not to , you don't drink. I assume you don't because you do not approve of yourself drinking, the way you behave drunk and the way you conduct your life getting to the Beast's next drink. See the lie of the AV is that you can't , when you accept that falsehood the good and true reason you have for choosing to not drink is magically wiped away, hidden. And the focus becomes the missing out, all the 'great' things promised by the AV, the giddiness, relaxation and euphoria of the buzz.

All the 'rewards' of indulging ITs insatiable appetite for more booze. The rewards you 'enjoyed' every time you heard the AV say' lets have a little drink' and agreed , became all Beast and then chose to drink.

I don't know about you , but when I drank I would feel giddy and relaxed, giddy because I was boozing and relaxed in that since I started I wasn't going to have to 'fight with myself' to stop, the decision was made , it was on like donkey-kong.

When I separated from the desire, made my Big Plan, I realized that giddiness wasn't coming from 'me', it was the me 'being' Beast, it was Me diving headlong into oblivion ( and all the consequences) on purpose because the desire, the Beast was in complete control.

The Beast misses that control and the AV will tell Me that I miss the 'goodies' and that will make me feel bad because I "can't" drink anymore.

The truth is I can, I choose to deny the Beast control, I choose to live the rest of my life without the consequences of indulging IT. Sure I don't 'enjoy' the rewards of drunkenness anymore, but that is a infinitesimally small price to 'pay' to reap the life long rewards and freedom of being freed from the consequences.

My Beast misses ITs booze now and forever, IT's sad, IT's deprived, that makes Me happy

Learn to torture your Beast, it feels good
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Old 09-11-2017, 05:48 AM
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Dw, that's a lot to think about.

I guess This is a good time to pick up RR book again!
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Old 09-11-2017, 05:52 AM
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With a friend like alcohol, who needs enemies !
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Old 09-11-2017, 05:58 AM
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Our AV only ever selects a pleasurable version of drinking, much like those car adverts that show a grinning driver and passenger wafting effortlessly through empty streets.

Much though I want things to be like my AV or advertisers say, they never are.

138 days is fantastic, congratulations SP.
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Old 09-11-2017, 06:01 AM
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Hi!

Have you lu played the tape all the way?

It starts nicely and it ends in crap.

Remember why you came here to begin with!
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Old 09-11-2017, 06:11 PM
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Originally Posted by Nowsthetime View Post
Hi!

Have you lu played the tape all the way?

It starts nicely and it ends in crap.

Remember why you came here to begin with!
I think playing the tape all the way is no big deal to normal drinkers and not something they understand
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