Can't Stop Drinking for the Life of Me :(
 

I was in Detox for a little bit, got out and drank 3 days after. I felt so happy and healthy when I got out, but I was somehow compelled to start back up again. Now drinking is an everyday thing. I called in sick last night because I drank too much after I woke up too early for work. I don't want to go to another detox center and worry about medical payments though.
I realize that I am slowly killing myself.
I woke up passed out on the bathroom floor and finding that I drank almost the whole bottle of vodka and not having any memory of it. I find that I black out often.

I wake up very hungry (dehydrated too) but feeling sick from the thought of food on top of having to go to work after I wake up. When I have to work, I'll take a couple drinks (airplane vodka bottles) and stop to get coffee and food, then I go to work. I would also drink during my breaks often. This has been going on for many months. I work night shift. I am also afraid that I will lose my job soon or even tonight.

I really want to stop and get better, but it's hard. I feel very sick if I stop cold. But if I try to limit myself, I end up getting more.

This is my first post and I just wanted to hear others' thoughts about how they combat temptation and what not, because I'm not doing so well at it. I'd appreciate any feedback. Thank you!

Sorry to hear that you are suffering. Can you get to a doctor in the coming days to get help for withdrawal symptoms? Perhaps get signed off work for a few days? It sounds like it might be risky to do it on your own. You got sober in rehab....you can learn from the relapse and start again.
Support to you.

I think key thing is just accepting that anytime you decide to drink it is likely going to end up the same way ..... you waking up somewhere having no idea how you got there. That's how it was for me to ..... total binge drinker and didn't stop until I passed out in a blackout. Putting myself in danger and risky situations. I'm day 2 of no booze and hoping to kick it for good this time as it's affecting my home life with wife and kids as well as work.

How long was your detox?

How long ago did you get out of detox?

You said you were in a Detox and that is not Rehab. Maybe you should consider a rehab center so you can get the tools you need to understand why you drink and how to stop. The way you are living now cannot end well unless you take some serious measures to get sober. Keep posting and reading posts here at SR. Glad you found us.

My heart hurts for you as you could be describing me when I was drinking. I stopped because I got so scared when I thought about where my life was going and I was close to losing my child. I drank 3 hours out of detox.😳.I drank at work to control the shakes.I remember the horror of having to go to work as you describe. I was blessed to never get a DUI. I should have. I was prescribed Naltrixone and went to AA. It saved me. I'm 101 days now and still scared I will relapse. Life is so very good sober. Keep reading and posting. I read Allan Carr and other websites on alcohol and recovery. You can do this. 💙

Detox was 3 days, although my father said that it wasn't enough. I did feel better after I got out and I was administered medication for withdrawal. But I still had the cravings.

Yeah, I was only in detox for about 3 days being given medication, but I also don't want to lose my job since I am pretty high on points.

Yes this is exactly what I've been doing. I drink at work for a boost and if I feel sick, I drink. I have also never got a DUI and I would drive under the influence all the time but was still able to maintain control when driving. I'm mostly afraid that I will go driving if I blacked out and I've done that before once (dad took my keys and took my battery out of my vehicle) and I had no memory of it.

Question, I've never heard of Naltrixone. Does it work great for you? I'll have to look into it. I've went to only one AA meeting before I started drinking again :/

Losing your life should be more of a concern than losing your job. You can get out-patient help. But, if you are really serious you should check into a rehab.
Have you checked out AA meetings recently?

It sounds like if you don't take some drastic measures now, you can pretty much kiss your job goodbye, not to mention the rest of your life will also keep going down the toilet if you keep drinking.
I also agree I think rehab would be a very wise decision. I would give your insurance company a call to see what locations are covered, and get yourself in asap. You can also get a medical leave of absence for it to save yourself from getting canned from your job.

Welcome to SR Mancini, sounds like you are having a pretty tough go of it. If you are unable to quit on your own there is no shame in going to a treatment center. It may save your life.

Thank you for feedback :) I would go to the doctor if I didn't have all these medical bills to pay. Do you think it would be possible to get prescribed something and what the cost would be? When I was in detox, I was given medication but cannot remember what it was called, but it helped.

The last time I was in the hospital, I was arrested and brought to the hospital and hand cuffed to the bed and the meds they gave me did not work. I was handcuffed because I made a statement that I was going to kill myself (being in a drunken rage) with a bac of 0.38.
I got very sick and my OCD tics were extremely severe. I remember making grunting sounds every second and pulling my head back (nurse thought I was having a seizure) and I was unable to communicate.

I am on insurance and I will try to take a look into a good place, but I have to go over with it with my pops since my job hasn't given me insurance benefits and I'm on his. I'll have to talk with my manager about it, but being away from home will be hard for me.

I have looked at AA meetings, there's a place about 3 minutes away. I went to the AA meeting once. I didn't talk much because I'm quiet but I listened to what everyone had to say and I can say that I relate to a lot of things they dealt with. I will try to go again, but only when I haven't been drinking and just sit and listen and maybe try to share my experiences, but I'm not too good at talking about these kinds of things.

Getting away will be the best thing for you. You need to be able to focus on yourself and your recovery. Where you are right now will not change. You need to change and that will happen with the right people to help you in the right environment. Look forward to receiving that and go get help.

Mancini, just so you know it IS ok to go to an AA meeting after you have drank alcohol- I have done it many times while trying to get sober. "The only requirement for membership is a DESIRE to stop drinking." My recommendation is a rehab facility as detox doesn't give you any tools- they only medically detox you in a safe environment. If I were you I would go to an AA meeting and try your best to share what you are going through (even if you have drank). There will be lots of supportive people there to help you figure out the next step. Wishing and hoping the very best for you... you can do this.

You are not alone.

I've had lengthy stays in hospital, psychiatric hospitals and rehabs and have relapsed quickly. One time I spent three months locked away in a psychiatric hospital for my own safety and within half an hour relapsed. That's how in control of my drinking I was!

It sounds like you are still able to generally go to work. This can be a great deceiver in thinking 'well maybe it's not that bad'. I know from experience that drinking on the job is a nightmare: the shame, the fear of being caught, the frustration of not being able to drink as much as you need. You may be able to 'function' like that for a long period of time, living the nightmare. On the balance of probabilities you are likely to lose that job, harm yourself, someone else or a lot worse if you carry on.

Though it's easier said than done, speak to your family. Be totally honest. Honestly is the first thing we lose (and very often the last thing to return) in active addiction. If you act now you could save yourself from a world of hurt. It's not easy I know. You have every ounce of my compassion.

If it helps, I've done over 1,000 days of sobriety, it does get better!

It's simple but not easy. Simply, you need to stop drinking. Medication may help, but you need to make the decision that alcohol is no longer an option, ever. It's always best to talk to your dr before stopping drinking, or to be prepared to go to an ER if things get bad. I know it's hard to see your way through, but if you take a look around here, you will see that many of us have managed to do it, and you can too.

The detox alone may not be enough. Not drinking is going to feel strange, unfamiliar and just plain odd during your first two weeks of sobriety.