Here We Go
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 19
Here We Go
Been reading the forums for a month or two now knowing deep down i had a problem but still being fooled by the old b.s. that I could turn things around ....... a dozen or so blackouts later I realize my drinking is an issue and causing problems at home and at work. Just two days ago I took clients to a very high profile event in NYC and left them there before the event even started because I was smashed and thought for some reason it wasn't a big deal to leave them there on there own to an event I was hosting for them ....... all the "where are you" texts or "are you ok we are worried about you" really hit me in the gut the next day ..... if my boss is ever made aware of this behavior I'll likely be fired. Too much to lose - time to call my drinking career over ..... I can't control the amount I consume and no matter how drunk I am I always go for that next drink. Pretty overwhelming sit here and say I will never drink again for the rest of my life but i know thats what needs to happen. Considering either AA or SMART programs. Wish me luck
T
T
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: England
Posts: 645
Congratulations on making the step you have done. It is a tough thing to admit that you can no longer control drinking but a life of abstinence is possible as many on this site can tell you, or as you've been reading for a while you already know. Just take it 24 hours at a time - don't project into the future - be sober for today.
All the best.
All the best.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: ohio
Posts: 3,615
Tboy,
Welcome! I'm glad you came here and posted. Sounds like it's time for a change?
If I were to reflect on the biggest mistake I've made in recovery (man there have been many, lol), i would have to say it was WAITING to CHOOSE a plan of action. Thinking I had time to deliberate on my choices.
I didn't sober up for real until I decided I was ready to throw all the **** to the wall and see what stuck. Sr, outpatient, AA, I just went for it. The way I finally saw it, I didn't have enough information or frankly the luxury of saying no to something until I found something that worked.
For me, it was a combination of aa and this site. I needed to change some things about myself and how I dealt with life, and doing the aa steps made that happen for me. Sr is a resource that I can use to talk to people 24/7, and that gave me a support network.
I hope this helps you, and good luck you you!
Welcome! I'm glad you came here and posted. Sounds like it's time for a change?
If I were to reflect on the biggest mistake I've made in recovery (man there have been many, lol), i would have to say it was WAITING to CHOOSE a plan of action. Thinking I had time to deliberate on my choices.
I didn't sober up for real until I decided I was ready to throw all the **** to the wall and see what stuck. Sr, outpatient, AA, I just went for it. The way I finally saw it, I didn't have enough information or frankly the luxury of saying no to something until I found something that worked.
For me, it was a combination of aa and this site. I needed to change some things about myself and how I dealt with life, and doing the aa steps made that happen for me. Sr is a resource that I can use to talk to people 24/7, and that gave me a support network.
I hope this helps you, and good luck you you!
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,823
No matter how drunk I was , I always went for that next drink too. Honestly didn't really believe people who said being drunk was different for them , oh well, that's how I drank , from the first time on.
Seemingly overwhelming or not ,abstinence and only abstinence is the only guaranteed fix. The best news is that the fix is not what we think it is , it's actually awesome. The End of the addiction, never again being a slave to a destructive desire is almost indescribably feeing , almost because those who have never experienced that sense of freedom would be hard pressed to fully comprehend it. Those who have will attest to it , as this site proves. It is not hyperbole or exaggeration , it really is "all that". But it doesn't come by half measures, you are either all in or not , no in-between.
When I found SR , I saw mention of RR/AVRT , great threads here on SR in the Secular Connections forum. Those ideas resonated with me , they helped me claim the freedom I now enjoy , and would never relinquish. Check them out , learn to separate from your AV and see where exactly that overwhelming feeling is coming from.
Wish you well and hope to see you around
Seemingly overwhelming or not ,abstinence and only abstinence is the only guaranteed fix. The best news is that the fix is not what we think it is , it's actually awesome. The End of the addiction, never again being a slave to a destructive desire is almost indescribably feeing , almost because those who have never experienced that sense of freedom would be hard pressed to fully comprehend it. Those who have will attest to it , as this site proves. It is not hyperbole or exaggeration , it really is "all that". But it doesn't come by half measures, you are either all in or not , no in-between.
When I found SR , I saw mention of RR/AVRT , great threads here on SR in the Secular Connections forum. Those ideas resonated with me , they helped me claim the freedom I now enjoy , and would never relinquish. Check them out , learn to separate from your AV and see where exactly that overwhelming feeling is coming from.
Wish you well and hope to see you around
Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 526
I absolutely understand. I lost a good client for an over the labor day weekend booking (he went to someone else) because when he texted me at 3 pm, I was napping from having been drinking for days on end and that morning too. I texted back at 3:40 but too late. I can't fire myself but that stung - I was kicking myself.
On other numerous occasions I had ppl texting me, either frantic or worried which resulted in crippling guilt and shame on the next day.
My last drink was on Sept. 4th, Labor Day at 1 p.m. I too sought help and called an addiction center for alcohol (in my case) to speak with a specialist. It's high time, I'm sick of relapsing, going through countless withdrawals and wasting my life away.
Good on you, best of luck!
On other numerous occasions I had ppl texting me, either frantic or worried which resulted in crippling guilt and shame on the next day.
My last drink was on Sept. 4th, Labor Day at 1 p.m. I too sought help and called an addiction center for alcohol (in my case) to speak with a specialist. It's high time, I'm sick of relapsing, going through countless withdrawals and wasting my life away.
Good on you, best of luck!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
Tboy - we're so glad you joined us. Sorry for the misery drinking has caused you. Here's where it can end. 
I did the same sort of foolish things at the end of my drinking career. I drank 30 yrs. though - I was a real slow learner. Very bad & dangerous things had to happen to make me see the light. Fortunately, you are very aware of what needs to be done. There will never be any control - no amount of willpower will save us - a fact that I refused to admit.
You're doing a great thing for yourself - welcome!
I did the same sort of foolish things at the end of my drinking career. I drank 30 yrs. though - I was a real slow learner. Very bad & dangerous things had to happen to make me see the light. Fortunately, you are very aware of what needs to be done. There will never be any control - no amount of willpower will save us - a fact that I refused to admit.
You're doing a great thing for yourself - welcome!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 19
I guess I feel somewhat fortunate as I was a binge drinker but only drinking maybe 2-3 times a month but each time it ended badly - people pissed of at me, me having no recollection of what kind of foolish behavior I took part in and basically just making an ass of myself. I say fortunate because I don't think I'm in for the same
kind of detox / withdrawal that an everyday heavy drinker would
experience. Last drink was yesterday which was hair of the dog I needed to feel better after Thursday nights foolishness ....... today feel pretty OK except for the regret that is washing over me from head to toe.
kind of detox / withdrawal that an everyday heavy drinker would
experience. Last drink was yesterday which was hair of the dog I needed to feel better after Thursday nights foolishness ....... today feel pretty OK except for the regret that is washing over me from head to toe.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Welcome Tboy. I was a binge drinker as well. It meant that I didn't have those initial withdrawals to get through, but in some ways it gave my AV (addictive voice) a lot of ammunition, and I spent a lot of time at AA meetings initially feeing like a special snowflake - so much so that I thought that I didn't really NEED to work on my recovery, because I wasn't 'that bad' an alcoholic. What I realised eventually was that once I'd dealt with the alcholic-drinking, I still had that alcoholic-thinking to deal with - and gradually without alcohol and without working on my recovery that restlessness, irritiability and discontentment grew. I became increasingly resentful and fear-filled until at 6 months sober I reached a really low point where I really did want to just die.
Thankfully I did see that I needed to start working on my recovery (eventually haha), and asked someone in AA to sponsor me and started really applying myself to my recovery. THEN things really did start to get better.
Whether you choose AA or Smart, please do use the whole program. I'm an AAer so can only really say about that - but if you look at the symbol of AA it is a triangle. There are 3 sides to that program, just like 3 legs on a stool. Me just going to meetings (one side of the triangle) was like balancing on a 1-legged stool. VERY uncomforable and tiring. Once I used all three legs of the stool I was supported and my sobrety safer and less gruelling / tiring. I'd heard people say it was okay to cherry-pick the program - 'take what you want and leave the rest'. Thing is, like in so many other areas of my life, what I WANTED and what I NEEDED were two different things, and I just couldn't see the true from the false. Left to my own devises I did the bits that I found easy - just going to meetings and waiting to just 'get better'. Noone will force you to work on your recovery - it's up to you. Your choice. Just like it was my choice. Thing is, nothing changes if nothing changes, and I needed to change if I was going to be comfortable in sobriety.
Have you looked into when and where the different meetings happen in your area yet? No doubt there is one you can get to today if you choose to. No time like the present!!
Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and your recovery.
BB
Thankfully I did see that I needed to start working on my recovery (eventually haha), and asked someone in AA to sponsor me and started really applying myself to my recovery. THEN things really did start to get better.
Whether you choose AA or Smart, please do use the whole program. I'm an AAer so can only really say about that - but if you look at the symbol of AA it is a triangle. There are 3 sides to that program, just like 3 legs on a stool. Me just going to meetings (one side of the triangle) was like balancing on a 1-legged stool. VERY uncomforable and tiring. Once I used all three legs of the stool I was supported and my sobrety safer and less gruelling / tiring. I'd heard people say it was okay to cherry-pick the program - 'take what you want and leave the rest'. Thing is, like in so many other areas of my life, what I WANTED and what I NEEDED were two different things, and I just couldn't see the true from the false. Left to my own devises I did the bits that I found easy - just going to meetings and waiting to just 'get better'. Noone will force you to work on your recovery - it's up to you. Your choice. Just like it was my choice. Thing is, nothing changes if nothing changes, and I needed to change if I was going to be comfortable in sobriety.
Have you looked into when and where the different meetings happen in your area yet? No doubt there is one you can get to today if you choose to. No time like the present!!
Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and your recovery.
BB
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 19
Thanks again all your words are encouraging.
Day 2 here we go ...... off to a birthday party today so could be a test but it's for a 5 year old so hopefully not too much of a drinking party
Weird thing was for me last night the dreams - I actually slept like a log but all I dreamt about was drinking, I woke up at about 2:30AM briefly but all I could think of was drinking for a solid 20 minutes before falling back asleep. I don't know if I'd call it cravings cause I do not feel like I'm craving but I would just envision myself with a drink in my hands.
Plan is to go to bday party then go for about a 10 mile bike ride and maybe mow the lawn when I get home.
Day 2 here we go ...... off to a birthday party today so could be a test but it's for a 5 year old so hopefully not too much of a drinking party
Weird thing was for me last night the dreams - I actually slept like a log but all I dreamt about was drinking, I woke up at about 2:30AM briefly but all I could think of was drinking for a solid 20 minutes before falling back asleep. I don't know if I'd call it cravings cause I do not feel like I'm craving but I would just envision myself with a drink in my hands.
Plan is to go to bday party then go for about a 10 mile bike ride and maybe mow the lawn when I get home.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: ohio
Posts: 3,615
Your lizard brain is going to throw some tantrums now that you've chosen to be sober. Dreams won't make you drink. They're unsettling, but when it sets in that you've woken up sober - it's all good.
The more you remain sober in situatknas you feel "everyone" may be drinking, the more you will likely notice that most people don't drink like us. I used to assume I'd be the only one not drinking at a gathering. Sometimes I am. Typically, I'm not, and the drinkers have one or two. I wasn't like that at all.
The more you remain sober in situatknas you feel "everyone" may be drinking, the more you will likely notice that most people don't drink like us. I used to assume I'd be the only one not drinking at a gathering. Sometimes I am. Typically, I'm not, and the drinkers have one or two. I wasn't like that at all.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 46
It all starts with the very wise decision to stop drinking. Follow through with the decision each day, one day at a time to not drink no matter what. There is very valuable information and tools you can use on these forums that will help. It's helped me. Good luck to you.
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